Another Day at the Office
By CosmicF
As
always, Fry and Bender are sitting in the planet express employee
lounge watching the television and drinking beer. A scene all to
familiar in the delivery company ready room as the other staff busy
themselves about their daily routine, occasionally passing through
the pairs field of vision and taking their own position on the couch,
only to leave minutes later and get back to work.
The
mindless silence that lay beneath the monotonous drone of daytime
television was eventually broken as Bender checked his internal clock
Bender:
Hey Fry!
Fry:
yeah?
Bender:
Time for all my circuits, turn it over!
Fry
sits motionless, as he continues to peer deeply into the HD TV screen
Fry:
why? its just the weekly rerun, besides I’m kind of watching
this
Fry
eventually forces a glance up to his couch buddy and motions back to
the television
Bender
directs his gaze back to the set, and scratches his head
Bender:
You know Fry, your human TV shows are beneath the attention of my
mighty robot logic, they don't make any sense!
Fry’s
response is delayed as he waits for commercial
Fry:
really? How do you mean?
Bender
stares blankly at the screen with his arms crossed in silence
Fry:
Bender?
Bender:
Oh I’m sorry are you talking to me? Because I thought you and
your pal the television were going to go get a room.
Fry:
Bender, you know it’s not like that between the television and
me anymore. Tell me what’s on your mind. Something about human
TV shows not making any sense!”
Bender
seems to lighten up a little
Bender:
Oh you got that right! Here’s an example... You know the movie
"Grease"?
Fry:
Yeah?
Bender:
Why would a movie called "Grease", be set in the heart of
small town America?
Fry
(eyes narrow): Hmm, ok. Where would you set it? Athens?
Bender:
No!
He
shouts sounding outraged
Bender:
That has singularly got to be the least logical thing you have ever
said meat bag.
Pulling
himself up out of the couch, Bender climbs to his feet and starts to
rant.
Bender:
Why would I set a movie called "Grease" in Greece, people
would think the title was a spelling error.
Fry:
OK... then where would you set it
Bender:
The natural setting for a movie of that title would be a synthetic
oil refinery in America’s industrial heart land. You can’t
get much greasier than that outside of a fishy Joes Walrus burger!
Fry:
Whoa back up there spam-bot. So you’re saying you'd base a
romantic musical in a fuel refinery?
Bender:
got it in one meat stick!
Fry:
But wouldn't that just turn into a story about big, greasy workmen
refining heavy hydrocarbons into their lighter constituents…
uh… and stuff?
Bender
(rubbing chin); hmm you may have a point hairball, and I’m not
sure I’ve heard you say such long words before either!”
Bender
frowns momentarily as he continues to spool data from his logic chip
Bender:
What’s more surprising though is that you are technically
correct!
Fry:
Isn’t that the best kind?
Bender:
Only if your one of those cold calculating bastards at the central
bureaucracy…
Fry:
What? Bureaucrats?
Bender:
No, calculators! However, that doesn’t alter the fact that your
point about refinery musicals makes my observation about “Grease”
even more prevalent than even I, Bender, had realised.
Fry:
What?! Big, greasy, workmen!? I didn't realise you were into that
kind of thing Bender.
Bender:
I’m not
Bender
Jabs Fry in the chest
Bender:
Bender don't bend that way protein shake, and don't you forget it!
Fry:
Ow! Ok I got it already
Bender
continues to jab Fry in the chest until Fry slaps his hand away
Fry:
Cut it out!
Bender:
awe
Fry:
So what were you getting at Bender? Is it some kind of scam to steel
dancer’s wallets? If so, I’m pretty sure those guys are
flat broke.
Bender:
No! Isn't it obvious? “Grease” is a musical, and as
everyone knows, musicals are essentially chick flicks.
Fry:
Uh… not really.
Bender:
Whatever. The point is, most people who are into musical theatre
generally have an interest in men!
Fry:
err... I don’t think that’s strictly corr…
Clearly
not listening, the robot continues, interrupting Fry mid sentence.
Bender
(thinking out loud): It stands to reason that a musicals box office
gross will increase proportionately with the number of men working
themselves into a sweat on stage
Fry:
uh, Bender! I think your confusing two very different kinds of
movie...
Bender:
Shut up sausage link, can’t you see I’m scheming here!
Bender
rubs his chin as his robotic brain meticulously calculates every
eventuality in microscopic detail
Bender:
I can see the headlines now, “A true masterpiece”, “A
triumph of function and form”, “Bender is great!”,
and “Everybody Loves Bender!”
Fry:
Uh Bender, I think you’ve misinterp…
Bender,
still ignoring Fry, makes a zesty beeline for the exit.
Bender
(storming out of room): Fare well skin tube! I'm off to produce the
greatest musical of our age!
He
stops in the door way and dramatically raises a hand over his head
Bender:
And I shall not return until either my task is completed… or I
get bored.
Fry:
well OK Bender. I do have a question for you though.
Bender:
Shoot.
Fry:
What are you going to call it?
Bender:
Grease 2 of course. So long chump, “Fame 2” and fortune
await.
Bender
turns and leaves the room
Fry
(shouting after Bender): They already did!
Bender
(OS): Grease 3!
Fry
leans back into the couch, turns back to the screen and takes another
swig from his beer.
Fry
(to self): I'll give him until the end of commercial tops!
Bender
(OS): Hey professor do you want to make an even bigger public
spectacle of yourself than usual?
Farnsworth
(OS): Uh wha…
Bender
(OS): I said…. ah screw it!
Moments
later Bender walks back in, then nonchalantly takes a seat back on
the couch next to Fry.
Fry
quietly smirks as he sits smugly, still watching the television.
Bender: Hey Fry…
Fry looks up from the television, still grinning
Fry: Yeah?
Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass!
Fin
Written By Steve Canniford (aka CosmicF)
|
