Futurama

The Devil's Microphone is an Idol Comedy Thing
By Rush

*Reader Discretion Is Advised. All characters and events in this story even those based on real people are entirely fictional and should not be taken seriously by anyone. You have been warned read at your own risk. One note to this story Bender helps Zoidberg in his lifelong dream to be an comedian and on another note of this story it is as random as hell. *

*Origin **Some random short funny stories, topic** **in the FMMB (aka)Futurama Madhouse Message Board.*

Scene Metropolitan House of Opera Lobby. It's the intermission and the audience are gathered outside the auditorium. Calculon and Preacherbot talk while Florp laughs. Amy and Hermes are at the bar. *

Tinny Tim" Extra! Extra! Worlds greatest stand up comedy of all time only half over."

Rush reads the headline.

Rush"Half over? Oh, I'd give anything to hear the rest, well expect the thing I use to make babies with."

The coat door opens, revealing the Robot Devil inside.

Robot Devil" Anything?"

Rush gasps and drops his Guinness beer bottle. A man hands the Robot Devil his coat and he hands him a ticket.

Robot Devil" Thank you, sir."

The man leaves and the Robot Devil turns to Rush."

Robot Devil"Now, as I was saying, anything? Because I can give you new robotic ears!"

Rush bursts into laughter.

Robot Devil"What robotic ears are not good enough for yea?"

Rush"No don't you get it? I just did that to see if you would come, I don't want anything from you. So bye."

Rush walks off.

Robot Devil" Damn! How am I going to get my Mind Control Microphone back?"

Yuri from Command & Conquer comes up to the Robot Devil.

Yuri"Perhaps I can be of assistants."

Robot Devil"Yuri hows it been."

Yuri"I have no such time for small talk and socializing ,I'm here strictly of business."

Robot Devil"What is your business then Yuri?"

Yuri"I want that Mind Control Device of yours, if you please."

Robot Devil"Well you see."

He Interrupts.

Yuri"Yes ,Yes, I over heard your conversion with the writer of this Futurama fan fiction with his on going history of crummy world's of plot holes and spelling errors, who has told me to say this and this message is dedicated to those who have looked at is work anyways hes sorry."

Rush"Me sorry also if I had done any Spam in the past too, to yous who hate my mistakes I'm sorry."

Robot Devil"Shut up and get back into character if you have any character at all?

Yuri"How dare you insult me."

Robot Devil"I'm sorry ,sure you do have character but I however am not aware

of that."

Yuri"You will give me the Mind Control Device when you have it, won't you?"

Robot Devil"I sure will. In fact I had given my Mind Control Microphone to Bender in hope that he would use it for evil and world domination. But I was wrong! He uses it for comedy and to give people hope and helps them stand up for there rights the list gos on and it makes me angry."

Yuri"Indeed. So do we have a deal or what?"

Robot Devil"As long as you use it for evil."

Yuri"You like Vodka mixed with Red bull?"

Robot Devil"I Like Vodka."

Yuri"I love Vodka!"

Robot Devil"I love Vodka more."

Rush"This scene and it conversion is getting now wheres. Anyway the Robot Devil accepted the deal and they will both appear later in this Fan Fiction."

Yuri"Me..love...Vodka...much.. more...then..you!"

Rush"See."

*Scene Back Stage Metropolitan House of Opera Bender is wearing a tuxedo, also he is holding a red two devil horn like microphone in his left hand. Zoidberg is wearing a clown suit. *

Zoidberg"Oh Jebus, I'm so nervous, I feel like I'm going to ink my self."

Bender"First of all its Jesus, second of don't ink your self."

Bender notices Zoidberg pants are a bit black and wet looking.

Bender"You just inked your self didn't you?"

Zoidberg"Yep."

Bender covers his face with his hand in disbelief.

Announce"From makers of All My Sausages comes a new show with an long name *The Bender Bending Rodriguez Show*is brought to you by. Soylent Cola, due to new laws passed by DOOP we can no longer abduct humans and kill em. So donate your loved ones who you hate and we'll turn em into a nice drink just look for are many branches of Suicide Booths."

Bender"Thats us lets go."

Zoidberg"But what if were not any good?"

Bender"Zoidberg do you remember anything? With the Devil's Microphone we have been best rated stand up comedy show in the world and we still are and we will always will be the best."

Zoidberg"Okay come on lets go then!"

*

Scene Metropolitan House of Opera Bender and Zoidberg are both on the stage.

*

Bender"Hello welcome to part two sausage links and em exhaust fans. If you have any questions raise your hands."

Many people if not everyone raises there hands.

Bender"Woo! Lot of hands here, Yeah um I choose you!"

Bender points to some guy in the audience near to Fry and Leela, Leela sits next to Fry, holding his hand, they are both formally-dressed just like when Fry first played the holophonor to Leela with the worms and showed them dancing in space. Both of there hands have wedding rings on them, she looks pregnant which she is in this parallel universe the year is 3004. Fry had never had to do a opera to win or try win Leela's heart.

Some Guy"Yea me question is why are you doing a stand up comedy here in this opera house."

Bender"I don't know. Maybe because the guy who had written this fan fiction is just to damn lazy to come up with any or describe any new scenes for Futurama fiction."

Some Guy confused "Yeah, what?"

Bender points to some woman in the audience.

Woman"My question is, why is Zoidberg dressed like an escaped mental patient?"

Bender"Thats because he is one."

Zoidberg"No I'm not!"

Bender"Yeah yeah, thats what they all say. Anyway its time for are Big Question Of The Day."

Bender takes out his of chest cabinet a remote. Bender passes BQOTD button. A wide screen TV lowers from the ceiling across the stage.

Bender reading out loud whats on screen"What if Leela somehow found out about Fry's love note in the sky what would her reaction be?"

The audience exchange looks and start talking about what Bender had just said in an confused like manner.

In the audience there is Mr. T with his head in a jar.

Mr..T "What you talking about fool."

Where Fry and Leela are in the audience Fry looks nervous and is red in the face, sweating like a pig.

Leela smiling"Is there something you're hiding form me, Fry?"

Fry nervous"Ahh,un, um, nooo. What would make you think that?"

Leela"Oh Fry, your so cute when your nervous."

She kisses him on the cheek.

Leela"I'll Aks you later."

Bender waves the Devil's Microphone it has mind control effect and the audience instantly quites down. Fry and Leela are not affected by it but there are too busy making out to care whats going on around them.

Rush"Why are Fry and Leela making out? Because there is a love note in the sky thing in the back round of the of TV Screen across stage which Leela had just seen now a few seconds ago."

Bender reading out loud whats on screen"A, would Leela demand snu-snu from Fry and marry him after words. B,would Leela beat the s***t out of Fry for not telling her this and then have snu-snu with and then marry him after words. C, would Leela not be impressed and it would have no attraction loving effect towards love Fry at all. D, would Leela be a lot nicer to Fry and say yes when he will ask her out for a date. But heres some advice there all right in one way or another."

Over to Leela and Fry. Fry has fallen fast asleep with his head resting on Leela's low cut revealing bosom.

Rush"Could not come up with any lines for Fry so I had something like that happen. Well its better then coma acting isn't it?"

Leela shouts" A, the first one. As for C I don't think any parallel universe would reacted like that, I mean come on."

Bender"Well C, might not be right as well for that matter as for a love note in the sky I don't think any Leela would not love something like that and love the guy who had done it for her. Unless shes is gay in that parallel universe not like theres anything wrong with that."

Leela"So C, there can only be one wrong answer in that way if I was gay?"

Bender"No not necessarily, in some parallel universes, you have but not many you have rejected him even after words when Fry had done an opera dedicated to you Leela and your life, around this time."

Leela"Really a opera?"

Bender ignores Leela.

Bender"Yo Zoidberg."

Zoidberg"Yes?"

Bender"Quit standing there and start dancing and stuff to keep the audience entrained."

Zoidberg"Right ho boss."

Zoidberg starts dancing and jumping around.

Bender"You were saying Leela?"

Leela"Yeah I was saying. Really a opera?"

Bender"Yep."

Leela"Fry do me opera now or I'll divorce you!"

Fry awakes with star he sits up right now.

Fry"What? Nooo!"

Leela softy"Fry I'm not going to divorce, I'm just wanted to see if I said that every time you are asleep it would wake you up more better and easer, then I usual do shouting you name over and over again?"

Fry"Whaat?"

Leela hugs him, Fry relaxes in her arms, he instantly falls asleep this time his head rests between Leela's legs. Leela simple looks down on Fry affinity.

Leela softy"Aww, my immature almost good for nutting angel who lacks the delta brainwave."

Fry starts sucking his thumb in his sleep.

Leela"I want you to know Fry no matter what happens between us in this universe we will always be together."

Over to Roberto looking at Zoidberg jumping and dancing.

Roberto"Jumping and dancing, Jumping and dancing. Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you ... no good ... jumper and dancer!"

Roberto gets on the stage. He charges towards Zoidberg with his stabbing knife out. Note Bender is asleep on the ground.

Zoidberg"Roberto what are doi?"

He screaming seeing that Roberto is intending to kill him.

Zoidberg"Superman save me!"

Superman flies down and gets in front of Roberto to protect Zoidberg.

Superman"Halt, you shall not pass!"

Roberto"Stop quoting the Lord Of The Rings!"

Superman"I'm not quoting Lord Of The Rings."

Roberto"Yes you are your just putting,halt in front of the quote by Gandalf the Grey."

Superman"So what if I am?"

Roberto"Just get out of my way, before I."

Superman"Before you what? You cant hurt me I'm Superman!"

Roberto"Move or there will be two killings here. I'm warning you now boy!"

Superman"No I'm here to protect Zoidberg."

Roberto"Last chance, move now!"

Superman"Not go an happen."

Roberto takes out of chest cabinet a kryptonite rock. he throws it at Superman so fast that Superman only had time to gasp before it hit him and blasted him into dust.

Rush"Note that Superman joke was only special effects."

Roberto advances towards Zoidberg but then he stops in his tracks.

Roberto"Why am I going to kill you again?"

Fry shouting from the advised"Because he would not stop, jumping and dancing."

Roberto"Oh, that's right. Die you no good, jumper and dancer!"

Leela"Fry!"

Fry"Sorry about that Leela, and especially you Zoidberg, I was bored couldn't help my self!"

Roberto charges towards him.

Zoidberg"Bender! Help me!"

Bender awakes with an start. Bender runs over and dives on Roberto to save Zoidberg.

Roberto on ground with Bender on top of him"What are you doing Bender, I though we were friends?"

Bender"We still are, but hes my friend too and I'm afraid that I have to send you to jail for this, for the attempted murder of Zoidberg."

Roberto"You don't mean that hes poisoned you against me."

Bender"Now you quoting The Lord Of Rings by Samwise Generic."

Roberto crying"I know. Wait, how do you know you were asleep."

Bender"Well you see due to my bad acting as seen in Bender Should Not Be Allowed, I was told to sleep by Rush, I was pretending of course"

Roberto"Oh."

Bender quietly "Don't worry Roberto, I'll help you break out tonight."

Bender gives Roberto a wink, Roberto gives Bender the thumbs up while hes been dragged away by URL and Smitty. Then suddenly when Smitty, URL and Roberto are gone, the room fells with smoke.

Bender"Whats going on?"

Zoidberg"I don't know, but I just lnked my self, again!"

Fry shouting from the Advised "Woo! Cool an effect."

Hermes singing" Is this really happening,am I just high, from weed, or is me, listening to much Bob Marley lately?"

LaBarbara"Husband, where meant to be acting under mind control, so shut up!"

The smoke clears revealing the Robot Devil and Yuri on the stage.

Bender gasps and opens his chest cabinet, He takes out an pokeball.

Bender"Zoidberg, I choose you!"

Zoidberg"Hm?"

Bender throws the pokeball it hits Zoidberg on head.

Zoidberg in pain"Ow! Why did you not throw that ball at Nibbler in the Advised? Hes a much better pokemon that I ever me,if we were pokemon to start with."

Bender"Zoidberg, use tackle attack on the Robot Devil!"

Zoidberg roars and charges towards the Robot Devil.

Robot Devil "What ever shall do, Oh wait I know!"

As fast as the blink of eye the Robot Devil takes out an gun out of chest cabinet. He shoots Zoidberg and he falls to ground like a rag doll.

Bender gasps"You didn't kill him. Did you?"

Robot Devil"Oh bad hells no! I just used the same stun gun from the time, I visited another parallel universe, where my former twisted heart servant Fry had used to shoot Leela which made her unconscious and I told him to take her to remote location. Where I told Fry to the deed."

Bender"How did you get Fry to make a deal with the devil with you? Or was he just a willing servant who wanted to kill Leela in the first place?"

Robot Devil"First off Fry was not a willing servant, I had to trick him to becoming my servant I told him if you did not make the deal with me I will kill your unrequited love, and so Fry sign the the deal then I pleased the Mind Control Microphone at the back of neck and then."

He Interrupts.

Bender"And then you told him to Kill Leela yes?"

Robot Devil"No! I had to test him first. My original plan was to make him kill some weak little innocent orphans in there sleep where Leela grow up. I had a little change of heart as humans say, so I told him to not kill but to hurt an Robot named Roberto."

Bender" Roberto, why him?"

Robot Devil"Well because naturally Fry would want revenge on Roberto for driving him insane when he was convicted for a Felony and was send to."

He Interrupts.

Bender"Yeah, Yeah, I know and I'm pretty sure that the viewers of this Fan Fiction know so get to the point already."

Robot Devil"Oh very well, you see when you were tuning your banjo in your cell.

Bender bored"Yea?"

Robot Devil"Fry on the other hand, had to dodge Roberto's stabbings if was to life another night and."

Yuri Interrupts.

Yuri"Shut up! get me that Mind Control Device off him."

Robot Devil"Yeah I guess viewers of this will find Fry's Twisted Heart in Fan Fiction By Rush in the Message Board."

The Robot Devil pulls out his of chest cabinet a microwave gun and aims it at Bender."

Robot Devil"Hand it over now!"

Bender"Just an sec, Here you go!"

He walks over and hands the Devil's Microphone to the Robot Devil.

Robot Devil"Thank you, here you go Yuri, someone who use it for absolute power corrupts absolutely!"

The Robot Devil hands the Devil's Microphone to Yuri.

Yuri"Good bye comrades, I'm off to start a A New World Order of my self, I wont to have give my self to the Soviets this time round, I'm off to my universe. Now where is that box?"

He leaves.

Robot Devil"Here, have you old one back Bender!"

The Robot Devil hands Bender an old rusty looking Microphone.

Robot Devil"I thought you would put up an fight Bender, how out of character for you, anyway it's my poker night and I feel lucky."

He giggles.

Robot Devil" So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Bush!"

He picks up Bush's jar.

Bush"Huh?"

They vanish in a flash of smoke. The audience are still under the mind control effect of the Devil's Microphone and don't notice the Robot Devil running out of the auditorium behind them.

The mind control effect wears off the audience.

Rush"Some examples of bad writing."

Hedonismbot" Less fantasy, more reality. Resume the Stand Up Comedy."

Bender"But we cant entertain you anymore."

Zoid shouting" Yes you can! The Comedy was in your heart, not your... Whats the line?"

Bender"Alright I'll try not rigging the rating this time. So knock, knock. Oh!"

A brick lands in Bender's open speaking mouth thrown by someone in the audience.

Bender"Oh no! I'm go an crap that out later. Woo!"

The audience boos.

Zoid "The hmmm...whats the line?"

The audience gets up and walks out, throwing rocks at Bender and Zoidberg along the way.

Zoidberg wakes up"What I miss?"

Both Zoidberg and Bender cry in pain from the rocks being thrown at them Fry and Leela don't thrown any but they leave .

*Scene Outside Metropolitan House of Opera. The audience flock out of the opera house. Tinny Tim has a new newspaper.*

Tinny Tim shouting"Extra! Extra! Greatest stand up l comedy of all time sucks."

Fry" I'll take eight!"

Leela"Fry!"

Fry"Whaaat? Oh right, money for are next baby righted."

Leela"Yeah thats right you leaning."

Fry"Thanks."

Leela"You can buy one if want Fry."

Fry" I'll take one."

He hands Tinny Tim some money and picks up one newspaper.

*Scene Metropolitan House of Opera. Bender and Zoidberg stand alone on the stage looking down cast sad in the empty auditorium. Bender puts down his old microphones on the floor and getups to leave, Zoidberg joins him to leave too*

Rush"Please don't stop joking you two, I wanna hear how the f**k it ends."

They both turn and look at Rush who is me.

Zoidberg "Who are you, I've never seen you before?"

Bender"Yeah, who are you indeed. You look so much out of this world, just look at your self you look like an cartoon."

Rush"I believe your the cartoons here in this Futurama parallel universe."

Zoidberg"Futurama parallel universe,what part of that do I understand?"

Bender"I cant believe it! Your one of them guys, who knows whats happens in Futurama with out using, The What-Know machine."

Zoidberg" The What -Know machine?"

Bender"Shut up Zoidberg!"

Zoidberg"No!"

Bender aims his ass at zoidberg.

Zoidberg"What are you doing?"

Bender"Firing out of my ass!"

Bender farts fire out of his ass like a flame thrower.

Zoidbergo on fire runs off towards an fire exit whooping as he gos.

Zoidberg"Jebus save me!"

Zoidberg has now made it outside.

Back To Rush and Bender.

Rush"Will he be alright?"

Bender"Yeah, sure he be alright."

Zoidberg shouting from outside"Thank Jebus for the rain!"

Bender"See he's fine."

Rush"Oh look at time, another time Bender, remember what we talked about."

Bender"I'll see you soon Rush."

*The **End*