Fry-day Night Fever
By J R Hosner
I do not
own Futurama or any characters therein. And if a Fox executive is
reading this… I hate you! I do however own Locke and The
Kill-O-Matic 4000™.
Fry-day
Night Fever
Futurama
Now
available without a prescription.
Futurama
is brought to you by: The
Kill-O-Matic 4000™. More
stabbity fun than you can shake a stick at.
[Two
young human boys are seen on screen playing with large pointy
sword/axe/chainsaw/laser hybrids, screen goes black you hear, "Opps"
splat]
Part I: Under Locke and Key
[We see the exterior of
Planet Express, a large truck drives by with "Zorgnok's
Human Exterminators" written in bold letters on the side.
Inside, in the conference room Bender, Amy, Leela, Fry and Hermes sit
at the table]
Bender: …so
that's when the cops showed up so I took one of the squirrels
and the fire extinguisher and-
Professor: [Walks in
and interrupts Bender] Good news everyone! We're getting a new crew
member today.
Bender: Woohoo! Less
work for Bender.
Zoidberg: Hooray! Maybe
he'll be my friend.
Professor: Sorry
Zoidberg, no he won't and Bender you don't do any real
work now.
Leela: So who's the new crew member Professor?
Professor: Wha? What
are you blathering on about there is no new crew member!
Leela: But you just
said-
Professor:
[interrupting] Not now Leela, I have to introduce you to your newest
crew member, Locke
[Locke walks in (He's
about 6'1", short spiky light brown hair, soul patch, a
bit muscular. He is wearing a close fitting black t-shirt, dark tan
cargo pants, black boots, and a black belt with a knife on it)]
Locke: Hi.
Amy: [somewhat
provocatively] Hi there.
[Leela, obviously
attracted to Locke, sighs]
[Zoidberg also
attracted does that purring sound]
Locke [disturbed]:
Eeee!
Professor: Locke will
be our new security officer. Speaking of security, your next mission
will be to deliver these grade "F" hand grenades and
defective landmines to Strife 3, a planet that's been in a civil
war for over 200 years. [He pats the large crate next to him, it
shakes then part of it explodes] Off you go. [Waves]
[Inside of Planet
Express Ship in space. Leela is in her chair flying the ship, Bender
is making a martini, Locke and Fry are drinking Slurm.]
Bender: A bit of gin,
vermouth, a twist of lemon [pours booze in a martini shaker, puts lid
on and]
Locke:
Nooooooooooooooo! Bender, you can't shake gin it'll bruise
it. You have to stir gin. (author's note: it's true ask your
friendly neighborhood bartender. The more you know!)
Bender: [swizzle stick
extends from one of his finger and he stirs, takes a sip] Hot damn!
He's right! [Chugs rest of drink] Hey you're not bad for
an organism.
Leela: So Locke I heard
you're from Fry's time.
Locke: Yeah back in
2007 I was in the Marines [Begins flashback. It's the past
Locke is dressed in formal a Dress Blue Marine uniform and shakes
hand with a superior officer a sigh in the background says, "Marine
basic training: It makes real war seem like a cake walk."]
After I graduated from Boot Camp I went to special training, [scene
changes to an open field he is wearing camouflage shaking hand with
an angry, buff officer] after I was certified I was selected for a
special program by the Secretary of Defense himself [scene changes to
a D.C. office he is shaking hands with the Secretary of Defense]. I
was going to be frozen for about a thousand years, [scene changes to
cryogenics lab he shakes hands with a technician, Fry is seen in a
tube in the background] in order to hunt down and kill any evil men
who went forward in time of froze themselves like Adolph Hitler,
Joseph Stalin, Sadam Hussein, Clay Aiken. [scene changes to Locke in a
tube a technician begins to shake his hand, it breaks off, he put the
hand in the tube and slowly walks away whistling] When I was unfrozen
yesterday, I reported for duty but there were only two evil men left,
and since Stalin was the governor of New Jersey and Nixon was
president I couldn't kill them. So I was fired. I went to what
I thought was a phone booth to make a call but it turns out it was a
suicide booth. So anyways the cattle prod, knife and drill got caught
on a skeleton that was stuck on the side of the booth but the saw
wasn't so easy to dodge [Locke touches several cuts on his back
that are bleeding slightly]. And as soon as the doors opened, I ran
and tripped into a tube, and to make a long story short, I ended up
halfway embedded in your building. So Hermes offered me a job as long
as I didn't sue.
Leela: So you're
a marine?
Locke: Yep.
[Leela sighs dreamily
and rests her head on her hand]
Fry: So you were frozen
in 2007 right?
Locke: Yeah.
Fry: I was frozen in
1999. What happened during those 8 years?
Locke: Well remember
that Y2K doomsday theory that everything would fail on New Years Eve
in 2000 and nuclear weapons would explode all over the world and
things like that?
Fry: Yeah.
Locke: Well it was
wrong… It happened in 2002 and everyone on Earth was
vaporized.
Leela: Didn't you
say that you weren't frozen until 2007?
Locke: Yeah. Why?
Leela: You just said
everyone was killed so how could you have-
Locke: [interrupting
Leela] Well I better get another Slurm this stuff is highly
addictive. [walks off]
Fry: So Leela I guess
that leaves you and me all alone under these beautiful stars. [He
slides his chair over and starts to put his arm on her shoulder]
Bender: No, I'm
still here.
Amy: And me.
Fry: [Notices other
crew members] Crud. [Walks off]
Part I is ~Fin~
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