Futurama - The Musical, part 1
By FryGuy
(NOTE: this fanfiction is written with members of the Futurama Madhouse Forum, but
most people on this site are members anyways, so I don't think we
will have a problem. I do not own anything in this story, except for
the word: "FryGuy". The other names are all owned by other
people on the Forum [whom I got permission from], or Matt Groening.
as for the songs, almost all of these songs are not by me, so I won't
take the time to say who it is by... so lets just say that these have
all been copyrighted...)
(the Title music for Futurama plays, except it is a lengthened orchestral piece)
Caption: actual size!
PROLOGUE:
May 2004
Graham (sung): When I walk in the room
People they do bow
For I am the guy with computer know-how
I know what to do when you are staring at a screen (staring at a screen)
That says fatal error 642 you don't know what it means
(don't know what it means)
You bang the keyboard, throw the mouse, and scream like a banshee
(Ow, Ow, Ow)
Your tiny brain has failed (NO) so now you must call me
When I walk in the room
People they do bow (We bow)
For I am the guy with computer know-how
(computer know-how, computer know-how)
When I was Young the kids would cal me four-eyes and a geek
(four-eyes! geek)
Beat me up, steal my lunch, and give me bad wedgies (put it over
his head)
But the prophecy's come true and the geek inherited the earth (No,
No, No)
I charge you through the nose (Oh, my nose) and treat you like
dirt
When he walks in the room (I walk)
People they do bow (bow down)
For he am the guy (the guy) with computer know-how
(computer know-how, computer know-how)
Bill Gates: Please help me get on the information highway
I seem to be stuck in my virtual driveway
Rupert Murdoch: No help me first, I am in great despair
They only program I have learned to use is solitaire
We need your help, we bow and scrape, to you we do submit
I shall help but first you must proclaim you're idiots
B.G & R.M: We're idiots
Graham: Louder!
B & R :We're idiots
Graham: Louder!
B & R: We're idiots
Graham: Yes you are!
Now who has money to spend? (the guy with computer know-how)
For whom is setting the time on kitchen appliances mere child's
play?
(the guy with computer know-how)
Who can transfer data successfully
from his personal organizer to his desk top computer?
(technically that would be you)
Who are women no longer ashamed to be seen with?
(somethings never change)
I'm the guy, Yes, I'm the guy
Who possesses computer know-how
When he walks in the room
People they do bow
For he is the guy
with computer know-how
Graham (monologuing) : yes, They called me stupid they did! But
I'll show them!! By creating the worlds best Forum Honouring the
Worlds best Television show!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
Teral (assertive) : *slaps Graham* Relax. you're scaring people
(a crowd stares at them, decides there is noting left to see, then
leaves)
Graham (collecting himself) : *ahem* yes, ok... but see, what
shall we call this site? The Leela Zone doesn't feel right... It
needs to feel more warm to those Fry and Bender fans out there...
Teral: *thinking* hmmm.... let's see... the Website is a
madhouse... we like Futurama.... howabout.. Futurama Madhouse??
Graham (oblivious) : shut up Teral..... I KNOW!! Let's call it...
Futurama Madhouse!
Teral (frustrated): b-but... I just said that!
Graham (stubborn): quiet you, who's the brains behind this
operation?
Teral (matter-of-factly): Me, actually..
Graham (Interrupting) : oh, shut up.
Teral: *Sigh* let's just go to work and start building the Forum idjit
Graham: yes, sir
Chapter 1 - Toronto HAS to be good for something...
February 8, 2007:
Graham: well, what a delightful 3 years it has been... 'cept Teral
cheesed it between year 1 and year... umm...1
Red_Line: uh-huh. Matt Groening Would be proud.
Graham: that he would. you know what? Let's give the Forum Members
a treat. Red_Line my friend, pack your bags. We're Going to Ontario
Red_line: Cool! ... why?
Graham: to see a real cryogenics lab.
CHAPTER II Act I Scene I - farewell to Y2K
(scene: Central Park -Old, er, New York)
(a crowd of our favorite FMMBers Gather in front of a Podium,
greeting each other for the first time, etc. all but BIG RED, KaBoOM,
The Kef, Bounty Hunter, Leela47 and FryGUy are there)
Graham: Greetings to each and every one of you! it took many a
year, but we finally were able to host the first ever Forum Field
Trip In the World!
Everyone: YAAAAY!!!
Graham, Now, We are Going on a trip to Canada..
Everyone: Awww maaaaaaan
Graham: To see a Real Cryogenics Lab...
Everyone: YAAAAY!!!
Graham: It will be cold, so I hope you brought your Jackets
Michael: What's a jacket?
Brad: It's something people wear when it's cold
Michael: what's cold?
Brad: the opposite of hot
Michael: OOOOOOOOOooooohhhh!
Kath: *looking around* Hey! I don't see FryGuy or KaBoOM
anywhere!
Michael: Meh, nobody cares, they're probably out pranking somebody
or something anyway
Graham: Now, some of you may notice That FryGuy, BIG RED, KaBoOM,
The Kef, BOUNTY HUNTER, and Leela47 aren't here
Everyone: awwww maaaaan!
Graham: that is because they are waiting to greet us in Canada
Everyone: YAAAAY!
Robert (Benderrocks1892): Stow it! Where's the Beer and Pizza?!
Ramon: There isn't any Beer!
Robert (as calm as possible) : Fanta and chips???!!
Ramon: Nope
Brad: we got chips! *Pulls out a bag of chips and eats it like
Scruffy*
Robert (panicking) : COKE and PASTA!!!???
Brad: Yep and Yep!
FMMB Coke-Lovers: YAAAAY!!!!
FMMB Pepsi-Lovers: Awww maaaan!
~~~~~~~~~~
SCENE II
~~~~~~~~~~
KaBoOM: WHY did we have to host the party in toronto! We got 3
hours until *they* get here and all we got is friggin' chairs and a
podium!!??
James (BIG RED) : hey, relax, FryGuy's almost done with the
Balloons and Ariane's (Leela47) almost done hanging the streamers
KaBoOM: Why do we need streamers? it's not a Birthday party or
anything!
James: well, actually. it IS kinda Icky's Birthday this week!
KaBoOM: *smacking forehead* Oh crap! I forgot to send her a
birthday bomb, er, present!...
James: *blank stare*
KaBoOM (mistakingly out-loud) : *looking through his pockets* now
where is that neuralyzer?
James (backing away) : what Bomb? I don't know no bomb? where am
I? I don't know you people!
KaBoOM (stops searching) : That's better!
FryGuy: (coming out of another room *high voice*) Hey guys! I
finished blowing up all 1000 baloons!
James: FryGuy, how many times do I have to tell you never to fill
up balloons with helium in a small room?
FryGuy: *thinking* ummm... twenty two?
KaBoOM: I counted twenty FIVE!
James: the point is, this can't be good for your brain
FryGuy: (regular voice returning) well, I DO have a wicked head
rush!
*camera pans to inside his head*
(we see a lot of brain cells in cars whizzing by REALLY fast)
*pan back to the real world*
Ariane (OS) : OKAY! The streamers are up!
KaBoOM: Good! now all we have to do is wait.
~~~~~~~~
SCENE III
~~~~~~~~
Graham: Right, now, before we go, are there any questions or
concerns? everybody packed
All: YES!
Rye Guy: Question: What if we don't come back?
Graham: then we can only hope that Matt Groening was a prophet.
~~~
(One long bus ride later)
~~~
Graham: okay everyone: here we are! Canada!!
(Sung)
KaBoOM: My country's bigger than most,
And if asked I boast.
The Kef: Cause i'm really proud,
So I shout it loud.
BIG RED: Though our numbers are few,
We will welcome you.
Ariane: Although we don't have history,
Gold medal winning teams,
Heroes or prisoners, world famous volcanoes,
All: Still what we've got's glorious.
FryGuy: Cause we've got rocks and trees, and trees and rocks,
and rocks and trees, and trees and rocks,
and rocks and trees, and trees and rocks,
and rocks and trees, and trees and rocks,
and water.
(All right, everyone!)
Graham: We've got rocks and trees, and trees and rocks,
and rocks and trees, and trees and rocks,
and rocks and trees, and trees and rocks,
and rocks and trees, and trees and rocks,
and water. (X2)
Everyone: In Canada, Canada, Canada, Canada, Canada, Canada,
Ca-an-a-da, Can-a-da.
Canada, Canada, Canada, Canada, Canada, Canada,
Ca-an-a-da, Canada
Kath: FryGuy!!! KABOOM!!! YAAY!!!
(she runs up and hugs them both)
Kath: FryGuy, so this is what you look like in person huh? you're
cuter than I expected
FryGuy: oh, stop!
Robert: Yo FryGuy! I brought "Eldest" With me
FryGuy: Sweeet!
Ariane: okay, Now, we can all greet each other later, it's time to
start the meeting!
~~
and as they all sat down, each and every one of them would from
that moment on be inseperable. Fortunately for them, they would
never see Y2K again. they would be spending more time together than
originally planned
CHAPTER I Act I Scene I part II
After a long and boring speech, Finally it was time to go to The
Cryogenics lab in Toronto - the largest in the world
Robert and FryGuy Are Listening to Music on their mp3 players,
Shannon and Cherokee are playing Avatar on their Nintendo DS's,
Michael is having an argument with will, and KaBoOM is listening to
Weather reports on his iPod (don't ask)
Meteorologist (on iPod) : And there's clear skies all through
Canada, down through the Prairies, and Over in The Greater Toronto
Area, we have a lethal Ice storm building up, we recommend taking
shelter in the nearest building
(though, KaBoOM didn't hear this, he'd taken the headphones off
his ears to have a conversation with Bounty Hunter)
KaBoOM: (putting headphones back on) eh? I missed that last
part... whatever, It probably wasn't very important anyway.
FryGuy (looking at his GPS) :okay, it's about another 10
kilometers to the building.
Ramon: can I get that in imperial?
Bounty Hunter: uhhh... I don't know how to calculate metric to
imperial.
Ramon: darn you Canadians and your confusing metric ways!
FryGuy: forgive us, we're Canadian!
(Sung)
KaBoOM: We always say we're sorry!
Bounty Hunter: we LIKE to stand in line!
BIG RED: and when you ask us how we're doing, we aways say just
fine!
all 3: Forgive us we're Canadian, we try hard to be nice
you too can be Canadian if you follow this advice
Ariane: we disagree on everything but we try to be polite
The Kef: and we don't believe in violence, except on hockey night
FryGuy: we adopted Europen ways, replacing yards with meters
but we still must ask the question, how many miles in a liter
all 3: Forgive us we're Canadian, we try hard to be nice
you too can be Canadian if you follow this advice
KaBoOM: We could talk for hours on end about the Constitution
BIG RED: Which is dry as toast but sure as heck beats war or
revolution
Bounty Hunter: we don't much like to wave the flag we find
patriotism shocking
so we celebrate on Canada day by going cross-border shopping
all 3: Forgive us we're Canadian, we try hard to be nice
you too can be Canadian if you follow this advice
FryGuy: We know how to dress for winter,
KaBoOM: we're not afraid of snow
The Kef: We love our country quietly,
Ariane: and hope Quebec wont go
All: Forgive us we're Canadian, and some might think it's planned
But there's nowhere that we'd rather live....
Than this vast and frozen land!
Ramon (mumbling) : showoffs!
~~~
(10 Kilometers later)
~~~
Tim (red_line): okay, everybody. Here we are, finally! the GTCL,
or, Grand Toronto Cryogenics Lab. Follow me everyone, and stay OUT
of the tubes!
Chrissy: aw man!
Graham: Let the tour begin!
---
Tour Guide: and on the left is Walt Disney's tube.
Mike (looking in) : wow!!!! A GREY THREE-PIECE SUIT!!!
Tour Guide: yes, the time period in which he was frozen, only Grey
suits or clothing could be worn, as the ice could permanently stain
clothing of any other colour.
Tour guide: and here's bono!
Mike: neat! (snaps a picture)
~~~
( a few hours later)
~~~
Graham: and as we bring this tour to a close, we say farewell to
our dear friends, and eagerly await the next field trip!
Everybody cheers and hugs their friends
KaBoOM (turning his iPod back on) : *sigh* that was fun. now, to
check on the weather reports, I don't want to have to shovel snow
when I get home!
Meteorologist: ... I repeat! do NOT go outside if you live in
Toronto! there is a fatal snowstorm and can freeze you to death!
only those equipped to handle cold conditions can go for help!
(Graham is about to open the door)
KaBoOM: guys?
(they don't hear him)
KaBoOM: GUYS!!?
(Graham pushes on the door-bar)
KaBoOM: STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEADLY SNOWSTORM OUTSIDE!!!!
they hear him, but it is too late. Graham has already opened the
door. Michael, Will, and Rob are the first to be Frozen, being
totally incapable of surviving such extreme cold. e(XT)wist falls
next. soon everybody is frozen except for Kath ( she was farthest
away from the door), Brad, Mike (it's cold in England too *i think*),
and the Canadian kids.
KaBoOM (holding back tears) : i tried to tell them, really, I did!
FryGuy: hey, hey. don't blame yourself! We were doomed from the
start! Besides, they aren't dead, Brad checked. they're just frozen
in an impermeable heap of ice
Ariane: what?
FryGuy: I said, they're frozen in a block of ice!
Ariane *thinking hard* : then there's no other choice. you know
what this means, don't you?
The Kef: we freeze ourselves?
Ariane: yes.
Kath: w..we aren't ever going to see our families and friends
again are we?
Mike: apparently not. man, Why does this always happen to me??
Brad: what?
Mike (sung): I was watching my TV one night when they broke in
with a special report
About some devastating earthquake in Peru
There were thirty thousand crushed to death Even more were buried
alive
On the Richter scale it measured 8.2
And I said, "God, please answer me one question?"
"Why'd they have to interrupt The Simpsons just for this?"
What a drag, 'cause I was taping it and everything
And now I'll have to wait for the rerun to see the part of the
show I missed
Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen?
(Why) Why does this always happen to me?
I was driving down the highway when all the traffic slowed to a
crawl
There was a twelve car pile up, everybody dead
And I saw brains and guts and vital organs splattered everywhere
As well as my friend Robert's disembodied head
And I thought - Poor Rob, I just had lunch with him
Hey, wait a minute, he still owes me money - what a jerk
Well, there's five bucks that I'm never gonna see again
Plus now, on top of everything else, it looks like I'm gonna be
late to work
Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen?
(Why) Why does this always happen to me?
Oh, the other day, my boss said we were running low on toner
And he told me I should buy another case
Well, I told him I was busy, but he still just kept on asking
So, I turned around and stabbed him in the face (right in the
face)
Oh, and wouldn't you know it, my knife got stuck
I guess that's probably bound to happen now and then
But I'm afraid I may have bent the tip a little
And I know that blade will never ever be quite as sharp again
(quite as sharp again)
Oh, tell me
Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen to me?
(Why does this always happen to me?)
Why does this always happen to me?
(Why does this always happen to me?)
FryGuy: Well. I guess this means goodbye.
KaBoOM: for now.
(they all wave to each other, as they each climb into a cryo tube.
Kath and KaBoOM being the last)
Kath: we better do something to make sure we wake up in one piece
before we freeze ourselves. I mean, Even if WE awaken at the right
time, what about the others in the ice blocks?
KaBoOM: they'll be fine., I think we'd just let time take it's
course.
Kath: I guess you're right. well, let's not keep the others
waiting.
KaBoOM: see you in a thousand years.
Kath: not unless I see you first.
(they share a laugh and climb into the remaining cryo tubes,
before setting the timer to '1000 years'
(Background music: The Place Of The Blest )
In this world ( the Isle of Dreams) While we sit by sorrow's
streams,
Tears and terrors are our theme's reciting:
But when once from hence we fly,
More and more approaching nigh
Unto young eternity uniting:
In that whiter island, where Things are evermore sincere,
Candor here, and lustre there Delighting:
There no monstrous fancies shall
Out of Hell and horror call,
To create (or cause at all) Afrighting.
There in calm and cooling sleep
We our eyes shall never steep;
But eternal watch shall keep attending.
Pleasures, such as shall pursue
Me immortalized and you;
And fresh joys, as never to Have ending.
~~~~
TO BE CONTINUED...
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