Futurama

Metal Gear Solid 3: Sons of Stupidity, Part 2
By Johnny Vanda

Metal Gear Solid 3: Sons Of Stupidity disc 2 inserted…checking…disc 2 confirmed…

We now see our friend in some sorta security room. It has T.V. screens of every building on the base, every angle is seen. (I wonder why they never noticed the surveillance cameras?) They see a guard in a chair watching the screen, of course he’s asleep; those guards always are.

Fry: Hey look, it’s SS.

He points at a screen, which shows SS having some fun messing around with the guards. He knocks on the wall and then hides behind some nearby boxes.

Guard: What was that noise?

The guard starts to head in the direction of the noise.

Leela: And there’s Ninja.

She points at another screen, which shows Ninja fighting some guards, they shoot at it and it deflects their bullets back at them, killing a few of them, injuring the others. It then runs off.

Leela: Say, I wonder how Ninja is?

The codec screen pops up once again, and Ninja answers.

Ninja: What is it?

Leela: Good job, you kicked all those soldiers' asses.

Ninja: Thanks. It’s a good thing you called, I just remembered something about Cubert.

Fry: Solidus Snake.

Ninja: Whatever. Anyway, he’s an enemy spy.

Leela: What’d you say?

Ninja: No, I’m quite serious, my memory was kinda fuzzy, but I just remembered a little while ago.

Fry: When?

Ninja: When I fought him.

Leela: You fought him! When?

Ninja: Right before you got to me and Otacon.

Leela: Hmm, you said you had to fight off an old friend.

Fry: Say, who are Fox, Wolf, Big Boss, and Solidus?

Ninja: Fox, Grey Fox, his real name John, after losing his Medisti powers he never regained them. Wolf, Sniper Wolf, her real name Medisti Kate, she lost her medisti powers in “The Great Battle Of New New York” and like John, never regained them. Big Boss, his real name, Philip J. Fry, Commander-in-Chief of High Tech Special Forces Unit Fox Hound, or Fox Hound for short. Solidus Snake, Cubert Farnsworth, well, no one cares about him.

Leela: The Great Battle Of New New York?

Ninja: It’s a long story, I’ll tell you sometime.

Fry: I wanna here it now.

Ninja: Fine, well let me start…. New New York, six years ago, the armies of The Emperor had invaded the city. SP and The Emperor were in charge of the group.

Leela: Wouldn’t The Emperor hate SP?

Ninja: Save all questions for after the story. Anyway…the city fell quickly, but all hope was not lost. There was a renegade group of 8 people. Philip J. Fry, Turanga Leela, Bender, X-Medisti John, Medisti Kate, Cubert Farnsworth, and two who’s real names never have been known, The two who are only known by their Fox Hound codenames: Solid and Liquid Snake. The only two in the universe who can truthfully say, they are the last surviving “Sons Of Big Boss”. It was a very strong group, lead by Leela, but after an imperial attack, Leela was, well, uh, dead.

Leela: DEAD!

Ninja: Yes, afterwards Fry took control of the group, and lead them to victory. That’s why two years later, he and the others were recruited for Fox Hound. Fry, because of his leadership skills, he was the boss, the biggest boss - Big Boss.

Leela: Dead…I’m dead…

Ninja: Well, I’ve got to go.

The codec screen closes, leaving our friends to go on. They leave the surveillance room and go across yet another bridge.

Fry: Say, if Bender joined Fox Hound too, where’s he?

Bender: Who cares.

They go into another building, so many buildings, and see it’s a uh, what is it anyway?

Fry: What is this place?

Leela: According to the map it’s the guards’ bunkers.

Fry: Oh.

Bender: Well how far to Metal Gear’s base? We gotta get back, or I’ll miss the new All My Circuits, and I’m low on beer.

Leela: This way.

They go outside of the building to another bridge, which is destroyed.

Bender: Oh sure Leela, this way!

Leela: Well, there’s a longer way.

They go back in to find guards now patrolling.

Fry: Where’d they come from?

Guard: “yawn”

Leela: He must of just woke up.

Bender: Well he’s going back to sleep.

He fires his tranc gun and puts the guard to sleep. They go out onto the next bridge.

Leela: Oh great!

It shows another bridge going to Metal Gear’s storage building destroyed.

Bender: Aw crap! How we gonna get there now?

Leela: There’s got to be a way.

They go into the next building to see it’s a warehouse. It looks just like the one Snake fought Raven in, in Metal Gear Solid 1, only it’s not cold inside there.

Voice: Finally, you’re here, I have been expecting you…

They look on top of some boxes to see Bender, the future Bender, with a cigar in his mouth and two machine guns in his hands.

Future Bender: …you caused quite a ruckus getting here, and all to be killed by me.

Leela: Who are you?

Future Bender: You know who I am, don’t you?

Leela: No, I mean your codename.

Future Bender: Codename?

Leela: In Fox Hound.

Future Bender: What are you talking about?

Leela: High Tech Special Forces Unit Fox Hound!

Future Bender: Oh! Sorry, we never call it just plain Fox Hound. I am Vulcan Raven.

Fry: It figures.

Raven: Yes it does.

Raven’s radio gets a transmission.

Big Boss: Metal Gear is now ready for launch. All personnel report to your launch posts on the double, and that means you too, Raven!

Raven: Damn! I’d stay and fight, but Big Boss will be pissed if I don’t get to my post, and I’m low on beer.

Bender: I hear that!

Raven jumps from boxes to boxes until he’s at the doors. He then runs outside the warehouse, and our friends are right behind him the whole way. They get out onto another bridge, just in time to see Raven disappear into another building on the other side. But, there’s someone else on the bridge, he has the Liquid Snake outfit, and hairstyle and voice, his face has resemblance to Fry and his hair is orange.

Fry: You must be Liquid.

Liquid: That’s right, I am Liquid Snake, the greatest Snake ever.

Fry: What about Solid Snake?

Liquid: That retched brother of mine, he’s not even worthy of the codename Snake. You may have beaten father so easily, but you’ll never get past me, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (While he’s laughing, our friends just walk past him) Huh? What the?

They go into a library, and see outside to another bridge heading towards Metal Gear’s base, and it’s not destroyed!

Leela: Yes!

The codec screen pops up again, Ninja answers.

Leela: Ninja, we’ve found a way into Metal Gear’s storage facility.

Ninja: I’m way ahead of you; I’m already in the base.

Leela: What? How’d you get there so fast?

Ninja: After getting Otacon, I went to the spaceship dock and took a bridge there to the radio building, then to the library.

Leela: I saw that bridge, wasn’t it out?

Ninja: A little ninja jump goes a long way.

Leela: Okay.

Ninja vanishes, and is replaced by Otacon.

Otacon: ‘Bout time you guys called.

Leela: Where are you?

Otacon: The nuclear weapons assembly building.

Leela: Where’s that?

Otacon: Before the armory.

Leela: ?

Flashback time! Leela, Fry, and Bender are on a walkway connecting two building, one is the armory, and one we now know is the nuclear weapons assembly building. Flashback over!

Leela: We never went in there.

Otacon: I’m having a look around.

The codec screen closes, and our friends move on, they get onto the other side of the library/Metal Gear storage building connecting bridge, when the codec screen pops up again. Otacon is calling them.

Otacon: Guys! I have some bad news.

Leela: What is it?

Otacon: I have some new information on Metal Gear’s current location.

Leela: Where is it?

Otacon: Right here.

Leela: What!?

Otacon: It’s in the nuclear weapons assembly building with me.

Leela: So they’re just luring us here, but for what?

Otacon: Probably a trap.

Otacon called it right, as a barrage of missiles came down upon them, destroying the last Metal Gear storage building connecting bridge.

Leela: Damn! You were right, Otacon!

Otacon: What happened? What was that explosion?

Leela: The last Metal Gear storage connecting bridge is gone; it’s been blown away.

Otacon: If it’s been blown away, then shouldn’t one of the enemy’s helicopters be nearby?

The codec screen closes and all three of them look around, nothing. The codec screen comes up again.

Leela: Nothing, there’s no helicopter anywhere.

Otacon: You’d better call Ninja.

Leela: Yeah.

Otacon vanishes and Ninja replaces him.

Ninja: What just happened?

Leela: Something destroyed the last connecting bridge.

Ninja: Well, you’re boned.

Leela: Can’t we try to jump the gap?

Ninja: Without extensive ninja training and my exoskeleton suit, you’d never make it.

Leela: Then how are we gonna get across?

Ninja: The Metal Gear storage facility also stores their helicopter. Just steal one of them. But don’t you just want to destroy Metal Gear?

Leela: Oh, that’s right, I forgot to tell you!

Ninja: This can’t be good.

Leela: Otacon called and told us that Metal Gear is in the nuclear weapons assembly building.

Ninja: That’s clear on the other side of the base!

Leela: We know that. We’re going to have to steal a helicopter, but where are we going to land?

Ninja: The Metal Gear storage building, the nuclear weapons storage facility, and the nuclear weapons assembly building each have a heliport on the top of them.

Leela: Let me guess, Metal Gear’s base because the helicopters are stored there, the nuclear weapons storage facility so they easily transport materials to the nuclear weapons assembly facility.

Ninja: Very good. I should have thought something was up when I saw how little security was around here.

Leela: Meet us near the helicopters, and keep one warmed up.

The codec screen closes and our friends enter the old Metal Gear storage facility.

Leela: We won’t do much together, we’re lucky we didn’t all get killed by a grenade a long time ago, we’d better split up. We’ll meet back at the helicopters.

Bender: Whatever.

Fry: All right.

Fry and Bender go off in two different directions, and Leela goes in another one.

Leela is now seen hiding behind some boxes, she sees a guard heading her way and for the first time fires her gun. It shoots a green laser at the guard; he’s hit and thrown to the ground unconscious.

Leela: A stun ray.

She hides his body in a nearby locker and moves on into another room. This room just happens to be the helicopter room, all the guards are dead and it looks like they were cut by a sword - a sword, the mark of Ninja.

Ninja: Leela! Over here!

Leela looks over to see Ninja, in a helicopter waiting for her. She gets inside the helicopter.

Ninja: Where’s Bender and Fry?

Leela: They should be here any minute.

Suddenly Bender and Fry come running out of separate doors, with guards chasing them; they too hop into the helicopter.

Fry: Go! Go! GO!

The helicopter takes off and flies out of an open cargo door. They fly over the other buildings nearing the nuclear weapons assembly building, but suddenly something comes on the radar, and it’s coming up fast.

Liquid: (amplified) I can’t let you pass!

Ninja quickly turns the helicopter around to see... I’ll give you three guess: 1, another helicopter; 2, Metal Gear; 3, a harrier. Yes! Give ‘em a prize! Let’s see what we have backstage for ‘em! All right, let’s go on with the story. They turn to see a harrier, in the front is Liquid, and in the back is Big Boss, all nice and spruced up again.

Big Boss: You’re all going down! With Outer Heaven!

Leela: What?

Then Big Boss launches a missile at them, and it’s blown to pieces by a Stinger.

Liquid: What the hell!

It now shows on the surveillance room/labs connecting bridge there’s a man, a man in a sneaking suit, a man that looks just like Solid…

Liquid: …Snake!

Snake: Liquid!

Big Boss: It appears that everything here copies off one of the Metal Gears, doesn’t it?

Fry: It would seem so.

Big Boss: Well I have a copied off Metal Gear trick up my sleeve.

He picks up what looks like a detonator.

Big Boss: Half of this base has enough Semtex in it to blow it out the water. You are all going down!

He presses the detonator; it blows the other half of Outer Heaven up, the side with Metal Gear’s storage building, the warehouse, library, and guards’ bunkers, leaving the rest of the base unaffected.

Leela: You just killed most of your men!

Big Boss: RAY, Metal Gear is already active, I don’t need them anymore.

Leela: RAY?

Big Boss: Metal Gear RAY, the second infamy of Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons Of Liberty, only one of my Metal Gears.

Leela: There’s more than one!

Big Boss: Of course, the one Otacon made for me was created so I could create a better one!

Leela: I get it, you knew Otacon would betray you, so you build another one.

Big Boss: No, It took us a while to create one that I would truly accept, there are four Metal Gears in all.

Leela: Four!

Big Boss: Yes, the Metal Gear Otacon made me, a one just like the one Otacon made me, but with no self-destruct button, Metal Gear Rex, and finally Metal Gear RAY.

Leela: That’s four all right but, Liquid, Wolf, Fox, Big Boss, Raven, and SS, which are six people and only four Metal Gears.

Big Boss: SS, Cubert is dead.

Leela: What?

Big Boss: I thought he was on my side, but he was not.

Leela: Then he was on our side?

Big Boss: No, he was against us both, the information of who he was with died with him.

Leela: You killed him and didn’t even find out!

Big Boss: I accidentally killed him during interrogation; he took away all my patience.

Leela: Oh great job! But that still leaves five people to four Metal Gears.

Big Boss: Metal Gear RAY is different from the other, it different than it was in the game as well, the only difference though is that it has two seats, and can only be activated when the two correct personnel are in their corresponding seats, namely Liquid and I.

Leela: Well that takes care of that. Hey look over there!

Big Boss: I’m not going to fall for that trick.

Leela: !!!!

Big Boss wasn’t going to look back because he knew what was behind him, Metal Gear Rex.

Ninja: This is not good.

Snake: Another day, another Metal Gear.

Big Boss: After I conquer the Earth, I will produce Arsenal Gear. It, like in the game, will control the flow of digital information, and will preserve my place as the universe’s true ruler.

Fox: (In Rex) Actually Big Boss, against your words I acted alone.

Big Boss: You betrayed me!

Fox: Of course not, we’re friends, I’d never betray you. I gave the word to build Arsenal, so we won’t have to wait when we conquer the Earth! The outer shell, the air, underwater, and space support, the digital information processing AI or GW, the missiles, the purified hydrogen bomb, the mass produced normal Metal Gear RAYs, which might I add are weaker than yours sir, are all completed. It still has a few things to work out, but Arsenal is 95% completed.

Big Boss: (stunned) Good job Fox. If I could promote you I would, but you’re all ready second-in-command.

Fox: Thank you, Big Boss.

Big Boss: There’s still the matter of this little annoying fly.

Ninja: Well, now would be a good time to RUN!!!

The helicopter goes off at full speed towards the nuclear weapons assembly building, and is hit by one of Metal Gear Rex’s missiles. The helicopter starts to go down, crashes into the armory building…

…Leela wakes up inside a prison cell. She looks around, but there’s no sign of Ninja, Bender, or Fry. The cell looks exactly like the one in Metal Gear Solid 1; it has everything right down to the corpse in the corner. And then Leela notices whose corpse it is.

Leela: SS!

Yes, the corpse is indeed SS, his body looks pretty much the same, it hasn’t even begun to rot yet.

The codec screen pops up, Otacon answers.

Otacon: Leela! Are you all right?

Leela: I’ve been better.

Otacon: Yet another Metal Gear line, where are the others, I can’t get a signal?

Leela: They’re not here, they must still be knocked out in another cell area.

Otacon: It’s pretty smart to lock you each up in separate cells where you can’t communicate. You could plot something together, but alone. Of course, you still have codec.

Leela: Yeah, I’ll try calling Ninja.

Otacon: All right, but I’m on my way.

Leela: Are you sure?

Otacon: Don’t worry I can bust you out, remember I have Stealth.

Leela: Oh yeah, I forgot.

Otacon disappears and Leela is successful in contacting Ninja, it appears on screen.

Ninja: Leela? How’s everything on your end?

Leela: It could be better. SS’s corpse is in the cell with me.

Ninja: SS!

Leela: Yeah, there’s no way I could escape either, but Otacon said he’s on his way.

Ninja: There’s some good news.

Leela: Where’s Fry and Bender?

Ninja: I don’t know, they’re not here.

Leela: They must have put us all in different cells. Do you know what block you’re in?

Ninja: There’s a sign right here: Cell Block K.

Leela: (Looks at her sign) Hmm, Cell Block J.

Ninja: I’m going to try something, listen carefully.

Suddenly Leela hears a knock coming from right below her.

Leela: What’d you do?

Ninja: I knocked on the ceiling; we are all right on top of each other, but who’s on the top?

Leela: I don’t know, Fry and Bender aren’t answering.

Ninja: They must still be knocked out.

Leela: Hey wait listen…

Guard: Reporting no problems in the cell near torture chamber 46 in Cell Block J.

Leela: Looks like they’re going to torture us.

Ninja: We know nothing of value, and they know that, they’re just doing it for the hell of it.

Leela: What are we going to do?

Ninja: I don’t know, but we have to get outta here and destroy all the Metal Gears.

Leela: Wait a minute, I just realized something.

Ninja: What?

Leela: I have no idea how you or Snake got here!

Ninja: We were both sent in by The President to put a stop to Metal Gear.

Leela: How’d you find out about Metal Gear?

Ninja: Outer Heaven was an outlaw base, so naturally we sent a spy in.

Leela: And where are they now?

Ninja: Dead, not long after giving us the facts about Metal Gear; they were killed by Big Boss.

Leela: That explains how you got here, sorry if I was acting suspicious.

Ninja: I don’t blame you. A Ninja of all people coming outta nowhere, knowing everything about this place, should be suspicious.

Leela: Yeah, I have a call on the other line!

Fry: Ow, my head! Are you okay?

Leela: I’m fine, Ninja is too, what about Bender?

Fry: I don’t know, he won’t answer.

Ninja: He might still be unconscious. Fry, what floor are you on?

Fry: Cell Block M, why?

Ninja: Bender must be on Cell Block L then, below me.

Leela: What are we going to do?

Ninja: Somehow we are going to have to escape.

Leela: As I said before, Otacon is on his way.

Fry: When’ll he get here?

Leela: Soon, I think.

Ninja: This’ll take forever.

Leela: Wait, I can hear Big Boss. You guys can use my codec to listen in…

Big Boss: Fox, try to get Arsenal finished as soon as possible.

Fox: Of course, Big Boss.

Big Boss: How are the prisoners?

Fox: Fine, sir.

Big Boss: Excellent. Metal Gear is ready. We will soon take this planet.

Fox: When, sir?

Big Boss: Dawn, we’ll attack at dawn. Gather up the remaining men in the nuclear weapons assembly building. Do they think the intruders were behind the destruction?

Fox: Yes, sir.

Big Boss: Good, who’s that Ninja?

Fox: I’m not sure, sir, but have a feeling that we’ve met before.

Big Boss: What about Snake?

Fox: He’s still at large, sir.

Big Boss: Well, put all sections on continuous alert, I want him found and captured!

Fox: Right away, sir.

Leela: They think we’re behind the destruction? We’re boned.

Ninja: Yes, even if we do escape, with all sections on continuous alert, we’ll be found and captured very quickly.

Bender: Damn man, what happened?

Fry: Bender!

Bender: Who’d ya expect, Mary Poppins?

Otacon: Guys! I’m in Cell Block F right now.

Leela: Shouldn’t you just come down here?

Otacon: I would, but the elevator’s out, I have to take the stairs.

Leela: Oh, just great!

Ninja: Where’s Snake?

Otacon: He’s hiding in the remains of the surveillance room right now.

Ninja: ‘Till the heat's off.

Otacon: Exactly.

Ninja: How long ‘till you think you can here?

Otacon: I don’t know, where are you?

Leela: I’m in Cell Block J, Ninja’s in Cell Block K; Fry’s in Cell Block M, and Bender’s in Cell Block…

Bender: …L.

Otacon: I should be there in five minutes.

Ninja: Okay.

A few minutes later Otacon came and knocked out the guard, and freed Leela.

Leela: All right, let’s go get the others.

They run down a set of stairs and free Ninja.

Ninja: Come on!

They run down another set of stairs and free Bender.

Bender: ‘Bout time you got here!

They go down a last set of stairs and free Fry.

Fry: Let’s get outta here!

They escape the prison building and go through the now wrecked armory, and then they get onto the bridge where it all started. It now shows back in the year 3007. Amy, Hermes, Zoidberg, Cubert, and the professor are watching what’s going on.

Amy: (Eating popcorn) Wow, this is pretty good.

Professor: Good thing I’m taping it.

Cubert: (Also eating popcorn) Yeah. (Munch)

Back in the future, they’re halfway across the bridge when…

Robotic Voice: Do you know who I am?

They all look around, but see nothing.

Leela: Is he Fox Hound?

Ninja: Again a Metal Gear rip-off.

Robotic Voice: I am SP, the highest humanity has to offer and the lowest. (He jumps off the top off the armory and lands in front of them) You’ll be sorry you ever met me.

Leela: We’ve already met you and we’re already sorry.

Fry/Bender: Yeah.

SP: What are you talking about? I’ve never seen you a day in my life.

Suddenly a light goes off in Leela’s head.

Leela: SP is from the future!

SP: What?

Leela: You come from the future.

SP: The future, oh! So you’re the ones from the past?

Leela: Yeah, that’s us.

SP: Hold on while I gather my thoughts, let’s see…

They all walk past him and into the final building of Outer Heaven. When they get in, they can see Big Boss talking to his men, they all hide behind a pile of boxes and listen in.

Big Boss: All right men, you all know of the group who blew up half of Outer Heaven about an hour and twenty minutes ago. It appears that they all have escaped confinement and are still at large. We all also know of the Jupiter Incident during the last administration; we will take this planet with our Metal Gears! This [this is where the pre-emption ends] is it! All right Men! Our time is now! We’ll attack at dawn!!

Guards: YEAH!!

Leela: Oh boy is this gonna be fun.

Metal Gear Solid 3: Sons Of Stupidity -- please insert disc 3…