Revival Of Project A.L.B.I.A
By Officer 1BDI
A/N: This script
takes off a year and a half after “The Fugitive,” and two
years after “Blast to the Past.”
This is largely up
to opinion, but I feel this story could be greatly improved upon, and
I regret to inform its readers that this incarnation of it
will not be continued and shall therefore remain incomplete. I would
love to revisit RoPA one day, but I have decided that on that day, I
will need to approach it from an entirely different angle.
It took me a
long time to realize what the problem was: a combination of a lacking
motivation, an unsatisfactory amount of free time to dedicate to the
project, and most dire of all, its “written-in-progress”
status. When I wrote the first few chapters of RoPA, I did it with
the loosely-constructed ideas of its plot, and PA’s past, in
mind. The lack of structure in my head only allowed this story to
suffer, and despite what people may or may not think of it, the
bottom line is I am unhappy with it as it currently stands. I was
trying to introduce the audience to a game series I believe only a
small percentage, if that, had ever heard of (this is technically a
Creatures crossover, after all), and I don’t think I
went about it properly, let alone in a manner that made any sense.
If and when I
return to this story, I will start it from scratch and try to avoid
all the pitfalls I stumbled into when I wrote this version, and
hopefully those who choose to read it will finally see the vision I
was trying to convey so long ago.
Until that
day, I offer this story as a form of closure to the current rendition
of The ‘Rama Trilogy, and hope that its readers manage
to take some enjoyment from it still.
1BDI
OPENING SEQUENCE
TEASER:
TEXT: January
2013
INT- CRYOGENICS
LABS- NIGHT- SHOT OF DOOR
The room is dark
and deserted. That is, until the door opens, silhouetting a familiar
figure. He flips on the light and we see that it's ANTHONY. He's only
a little more than a decade older, but he looks like he's aged
considerably, especially his hair, which is scattered with grey. He
glances around the room and sighs.
CUT TO- SHOT OF
FREEZING CAPSULES
We catch an
eyeful of the capsules and discover what he was sighing about. ROSA
(about 24) is frozen in one of the capsules. He storms across the
room, twirls the knob to 1 Min instead of 1000 years, and waits
impatiently. After an eternity, it opens.
ROSA: Mmmmm...
is it 3013 yet?
ANTHONY: Rosa,
what are you doing?
ROSA: (angry)
God damn it, Antoni! I told you to leave me alone!
ANTHONY:
(equally teed off) What the hell is wrong with you? We've been
looking for you for over a week now! Why would you go and do
something so stupid?!
ROSA: Like you
wouldn't know! I was doing myself a favor, okay!?
ANTHONY: Rosa, I
know this whole thing has been hard on everyone, especially now
that... _he's_ gone. (Rosa looks down) But you can't just give up on
this life.
ROSA: But
Antoni... there's nothing here for me. Everyone I ever loved is dead.
ANTHONY: You've
still got _us_.
Rosa smiles
weakly at him, but it soon fades away.
ROSA: But that's
not enough... I want to start a new life! I want to forget what this
one did to me! I want to...
ANTHONY: I know
what you _want_ to do. You want to revive PA. But you can't. It's a
dead project. (She shakes her head) You have got to listen to reason,
Rosa...
ROSA: I know
you're trying to help me, but it's not going to work. I already made
my decision.
ANTHONY:
(pained) *sigh* I... I'm sorry to hear that, kiddo. We're gonna miss
you. But if you have to go, I want you to have this. It'll probably
be better off with you than me.
He reaches into
his pocket and pulls out a jagged amethyst rock tied to a flimsy
necklace. It looks crudely homemade, but we know Tony's all into the
"professional" look, so he must have gotten it from someone
else... Nevertheless, Rosa takes it numbly, sniffles, and throws
herself at Tony, bawling into his shoulder.
ROSA: I'm sorry,
Antoni, I'm so sorry!
ANTHONY:
Hey-hey-hey, it's you're decision. I'll just have to live with it.
ROSA: *sniff*
You'll tell Sandy and Matt what happened to me, right?
ANTHONY: Of
course.
ROSA: (calmer)
Antoni, I know I never said it before, but you guys are the family I
always wanted.
Tony says
nothing, just hugs her.
ANTHONY: Uh, I
guess you should get back in there before security catches me.
ROSA: What
security?
They both
chuckle nervously. Rosa nods, embraces Tony one last time, and climbs
back into the chamber.
ROSA: Hey
Antoni?
ANTHONY: Yeah?
ROSA: Don't
forget about me, 'K?
ANTHONY: I
won't.
With that, Rosa
closes the door and is frozen within a matter of seconds. Anthony
glances at her for a few moments, then eyes her timer, which is once
again set to 1000 years. Then, he looks off to the left. At capsule
40. Which has...
ANTHONY:
Nine-hundred and eighty seven years left. (Glances at Rosa's capsule
again and changes it to that year). Sorry Rose, but I just feel safer
knowing someone's out there with you.
He turns back to
capsule 40 and wipes away the steam. It's of course, Fry's capsule.
ANTHONY: *sigh*
Take care of her for me, bro.
He exits.
END OF TEASER
THEME STARTS
CAPTION: Their
lives are in their own damn hands (scary, isn't it?)
TV SCREEN: South
Park Clip
SCENE 1
TEXT: December
15 3004
FADE IN:
INT NEW NEW
YORK- PLANET EXPRESS BUILDING-- MORNING
It's yet another
lazy December morning at the PE Office, where mostly everyone in the
crew is sitting at the table in the conference room. Professor
FARNSWORTH is droning over what looks like a laptop. Except this
laptop contains a keyboard that's two times too big for it's monitor.
Farnsworth's now 15 year-old clone, CUBERT, is beside him.
CUBERT: Dad, by
the standards you've set for this thing, it's virtually impossible to
create this machine!
With a push of a
button, Farnsworth enables the computer to activate a stun gun that
shoots a beam in Cubert's direction; he's out before he hits the
ground.
Meanwhile, the
all-out bureaucrat of the business, HERMES, is in a heated argument
with the doctor of the staff, ZOIDBERG...
HERMES: I don'
care how much you like it, we can't keep payin' for de saltwater
Jacuzzi you installed in da Observatory! It's costin' us thousands!
ZOIDBERG:
Obviously, you have no sense of skin care. Look at how smooth my
_beautiful_ claws are because of those precious salt particles.
As if to prove
his point, the alien doctor waves his claws in Hermes' face, and
accidentally snips a few of his dread locks off in the process.
HERMES: AUGH!
Keep your polished claws away from my hair, you filthy crustacean!
BENDER,
meanwhile, is reading porn (as usual), his legs propped up lazily on
the table. He looks around the room, and notices that something is
missing. Well, actually, someone. Actually, some people.
BENDER: Yo, Amy!
Where're the two love birds?
AMY pokes her
head out of the kitchen and stares angrily at Bender.
AMY: I dunno. I
think they're in the ship. Now leave me alone, I'm talking with Kif!
BENDER: I
thought you two broke up last year.
AMY: That was a
set-up to trick my parents. Just shut up, okay?
Amy's head
disappears, and Bender makes a face.
HERMES: So, you
gonna go look for them in the ship?
BENDER: I'm not
sure I _want_ to look in there. Not without a camera, anyway. He he
he...
CUT TO- PE SHIP-
SHOT OF FURNACE/ENGINE ROOM DOORWAY
At that
particular moment, the two of them _are_ in the Planet Express ship.
Bender, armed with his eye/camera, wanders in to the back of the ship
and laughs evilly.
CUT TO- SHOT OF
FURNACE ROOM DOOR
The window of
the furnace room, their first observation would be that the window
was covered in steam. From somewhere inside, a hand (complete with
engagement ring) comes out of nowhere, slams itself against the
window, and disappeared out of sight.
The camera ZOOMS
out to show FRY standing a few feet away from the doorway, staring at
the handprint.
BENDER: She
still in there?
FRY: Uh-huh.
Leela? Are you okay?
LEELA: I can't
get the door open! The steam made it too slippery!
Fry opens the
door, and out rushed LEELA, covered in grease smudges from the
machine.
LEELA: Ugh! Why
did _I_ have to fix the furnace? Why couldn't _Amy_ do it? (Fry
shrugs) *Sigh*, how I have to take another shower...
FRY: No you
don't. You look fine. (Sly) Besides, I like my women dirty.
BENDER: (SOTTO)
Oh Programmer...
LEELA: Well, I
don't like being dirty, so tough.
Leela heads for
the door, but Fry grabs her arm and pulls her close to him.
FRY: Have I ever
told you how beautiful you are?
LEELA: (smiling)
Yes.
BENDER:
(annoyed) And so it begins...
FRY: (CONT) And
smart, and brave, and strong...
LEELA: ...And
easily bemused by charm.
FRY: Yeah, well,
that's why I like you even more.
The two lean in
towards each other and their lips meet. For not exactly a short time,
either. In the process of being frenched by Leela (as Bender makes
gagging motions in the background)...
SFX: BANG
(Plastic against wood makes a BANG, right?)
LEELA: (breaking
off) What was that?
FRY: Prob'ly
just Nibbler. Nothing to worry about.
Leela shrugs and
the two lean in for another kiss. Unfortunately, a third voice breaks
the silence.
AARON: (OS) MAMA
UPPE!
LEELA: *Sigh*
Hold on a second.
She gives him a
quick kiss on the cheek and headed off for her room. Fry follows her.
CUT TO- LEELA'S
(and now Fry's) QUARTERS
Sitting up in a
playpen set up in the middle of her room is Aaron, now about 1 ½
years old. He reaches up for Leela eagerly, and she scoops him into
her arms.
LEELA: (cooing)
Hey there, sweetie! Did you have a good nap? Are you hungry?
AARON: Ungy.
(Sees Fry in the doorway and starts reaching for him) Dada!
Leela hides a
smile, Fry grins sheepishly, and Bender looks ill.
BENDER: (to Fry)
Why the hell does he keep calling you that?
LEELA: Because
he likes him! (To Aaron) Don't you, sweetie?
BENDER: Well...
can't you just unteach him 'dada' and teach him something else?
FRY: I kinda
like it. Makes me sound more responsible... (sly, to Leela) and women
like that in a guy, right?
FARNSWORTH: (OS)
Fry! Leela! Stop making out, or whatever the hell you're doing, and
get down here! You've got a delivery that needs briefing on.
SCENE 2
CUT TO- PE
HANGER- LATER
Fry and Amy are
loading giant crates into the PE ship while Leela checks off items on
a checklist in her hand. Bender is sitting on his duff, drinking.
FRY: (exhausted)
You promise you'll get the dolly fixed on our way to the planet?
AMY: (equally
exhausted) Yes! Stop ing already! Jeeze, Bender. Why aren't you
helping?
BENDER: Hey, I'm
helping! I'm the Packaging Movement Supervisor.
FRY: I thought
you were the cook.
BENDER: Did I
say you could talk? Now get back to work!
Fry and Amy roll
their eyes and continue to push the one crate up the ship's ramp.
LEELA: (looks up
from checklist) Hey, has anyone heard if the professor's holding an
X-Mas Eve party again this year?
AMY: Aw man, I
forgot about that! I won't be able to come.
FRY: Why not?
AMY: Kif and I
are going to my parents' house for X-Mas break. We're going to
convince them that he's not a sleazy bastard after all.
LEELA: I thought
you went over there during Thanksgiving to convince them. What
happened?
Bender raises
his hand high in the air (like as high as the ceiling), then does a
low whistle as he drops it, and ends the movement by clanging his
hand against the floor and making "crashing" sound effects.
(It looks better than it reads)
AMY: (watching
him) Crashed and burned.
LEELA: Ah.
SCENE 3
EXT PE SHIP-
LATER
The PE ship
flies past the camera and off into a golden galaxy within camera
view.
CUT TO- PE SHIP-
CARGO HOLD- LATER
A shadowy figure
can be seen sneaking into the room, flashlight included. The stealthy
figure comes up to one of the crates, pulls out a crowbar, and uses
the crowbar to smash a glass box containing an emergency ax in it. He
takes the ax and hacks away at the bolts on the crate, until the lid
pops open. Laughing evilly, he peers inside, only to find...
BENDER: Flowers?
We're shipping three crates worth of potted flowers?! I wanted to
steal something worth stealing! We've been screwed!
Bender sets the
flashlight on a second crate, which illuminates him, and pulls out a
flower pot containing what looks like a pair of white Sunflowers. He
drops it carelessly on the ground (SFX: SMASH) and pulls out a second
item; a small gold harp that's about three feet tall. Drop (CLANG).
Reaches in, pulls out what looks like a 3-foot tall Soda Vendor,
except it has a picture of a carrot on it. Drop (THUMP).
BENDER: What the
hell? We're delivering junk! I wanted to steal something worth
stealing, and all's I find are flowers, harps, and carrot vendors?
And this stupid hootch still?!
Bender pulls out
a miniature hootch still and tosses it over his shoulder (THUD).
Until he realizes...
BENDER: Wait a
minute... HOOTCH! YES!
He dives for the
machine and starts draining it of it's continents.
LEELA: (OS)
Bender!
BENDER: Whaag!
(Drops the still (CRASH)) I wasn't doing nuthin'!
LEELA: (comes
On-S, looking PO'ed) Bender, we're supposed to deliver that stuff to
the Walion Historical Artifacts Museum, not steal it.
BENDER: Hey,
that wasn't stealing! That was... uh... well, okay, so I was
stealing. So what? It was lousy booze anyway.
Bender storms
off, griping. Leela sighs and starts gathering the objects up to put
them back in the crate. But even she can't help but look at them
oddly.
CUT TO- BRIDGE
Bender stomps
his way into the room, collapses into a chair, and pulls out some
porno to relax into. Amy is at the wheel, but her attention is on
Fry, who's playing with Aaron. Or at least, trying as best he can...
FRY: ...and this
little piggy was roast beef, and this little piggy was... uh...
bacon... and this little piggy... um, hey, I ran out of pigs!
BENDER: Fry,
give it up. You already gave Leela the ring. She already said yes.
You don't have to impress her by pretending to like her kid.
FRY: I'm not
trying to impress her. I used to do this with Matt all the time.
Bender lowers
his magazine and looks his friend in the eye.
BENDER: You
mean, you really _like_ the kid?
FRY: *shrugs* I
guess so.
PAUSE
BENDER: You make
me sick, man! You used to be all cool and immature, but now you're
playing "papa" for some stupid little one-eyed meatball.
AMY: What's
wrong with that? I think it's cute.
SFX: VIDEOPHONE
RING
BENDER: Yeah,
well, you thought that the Needy Newbie I cooked for dinner last week
was "cute". Enough said.
AMY: (horrified)
That was a Needy Newbie!?!
LEELA:
(entering) Amy, there's a call for you. It's Kif.
Amy dashes out
of the room.
CUT TO- AMY'S
QUARTERS
Amy wanders in
cautiously, checks the hallway for listeners, closes the door and
grabs the phone.
AMY: Kif! I told
you not to call me during a delivery!
KIF: I know,
but... it's about your parents.
AMY: (anxious)
Yeah?
KIF: They just
called me and said if I set foot within an acre of their property,
they'd gun me down and have their Buggalo trample my blood encrusted
corpse. (She winces) Amy, what are we going to do?
AMY: Ohhh, I
don't know! Maybe I could talk with them...
KIF: You know
that's not going to work.
AMY: We can't
just keep avoiding them.
KIF: But we
_haven't_ been avoiding them. We even tried seeing other people for
awhile, remember? But we couldn't stand being apart (Amy nods).
Maybe... maybe we should just stop trying to push this relationship
on them.
AMY: (hopeless)
You want to break up again?
KIF: No! I'm
just saying that if they don't want to see us together, then we
should just keep this between us.
There's an
awkward silence.
KIF: I, uh,
still want to see you on X-Mas.
AMY: You could
come to the PE staff party with me. The guys know you; they wouldn't
tell anyone.
KIF: I'll think
about it... aw Jeeze.
AMY: What?
KIF: Zapp's
finished his bath.
ZAPP: (OS) I'm
ready to be dried off, Lieutenant! And this time, I want it done
_thoroughly_!
KIF: *Shudder*
I'll talk to you later, okay?
AMY: 'K. Love
you.
KIF: Love you
too.
They both hang
up and Amy collapses on her bed in frustration and starts cursing in
Cantonese.
SCENE 3
INT WALION
HISTORICAL ARTIFACTS MUSEUM (WHAM)- LATER
The PE ship
lands, and our Futuristic Trio exits the ship, the crates being
pushed ahead on the now fixed dolly.
CUT TO- WHAM
21th CENTURY CORRIDOR
The trio is
being led by the fat SAL from the Lunar Park (you know, the fat guy
Fry beat up in Parasites Lost because he was ogling Leela). He stops
in front of a door labeled WAR of 2012 and unlocks it.
SAL: Looks.
Youse guys better not screws around in here, or I'll have your asses
on a golden platter.
BENDER: Could
you make it platinum? Gold clashes with my casing.
SAL: We'll sees
about that.
Sal opens the
door, and our hapless delivery boy gasps. Inside are several
artifacts that are seemingly meaningless to Bender and Leela, but to
Fry, it's a part of his past. Semi-automatic weapons, bits and pieces
of 21st Century spacecrafts, Military computer databases,
Conan O'Brian's legs...
FRY: My God!
It's a shrine of my past!
Sal guy glares
him down, but with a somewhat startled look on his face, like he's
suddenly intimidated by Fry.
LEELA: Not your
past, Fry. The War of 2012's past. (Sal looks relieved)
FRY: The whata
of what-what?
BENDER: The War
of 2012, moron. The first Universal War in the history of earth.
FRY: Oh. Who
won?
SAL: Obviously,
we's did. Those were's some dark times, they's were. Very dark
times...
The room dims as
the camera closes in on Sal's face.
SAL: Course, I's
wouldn't know, on accounts that I wasn't doing no living at that
time. Us humans were's battl'ing a evil race of aliens known only as
the Siõe {A/N: pronounced 'shee'). *Tsk, tsk*, dem Siõe
were's _evil_, they were's. They created all these freakishly hideous
hybrids of creatures, using their own homes-grown DNA. They's
threatened to attack earth with these freaky bastards, and they's got
a response from us. War started January 2012, and ended that
December.
PAUSE
FRY: (nervous)
What happened?
SAL: (outbursts)
WE BLEWS 'EM UP!
Fry yelps and
jumps, crashing down to the floor.
SAL: Ha ha ha ha
ha! The bastards never saws it comin'! We's blew them all up and
their damn hybrids! Well, almost all's them.
Sal takes a
crowbar and hacks open one of the unopened crates. He reaches in
cautiously and pulls out a small gray egg, about the size of chicken
egg.
SAL: This baby
is the last of it's kind. The spawn of them confounded crossbreeds.
We confiscated it from the rebels after the war, and it's finally
been shipped over to this museum. Just like the rest of the crap
youse delivered to me. Lucky, it's a thousand years in the making,
so's it's defiantly dead.
LEELA: What
rebels?
SAL: Wells, the
story is, these Siõe were's giving some scientists in Europe
some of their secrets. Those peeps had a whole organization that
practically worshiped these guys. In the end, they's all got offs the
hook, because they "didn't know" it was wrong. They's still
out today. Still waiting for them Siõe to come back. *Pfff*
Yah, that'll be the day.
BENDER: But they
could come back, right?
SAL: I supposes
so. Why?
BENDER: 'Cause
they make some good hootch.
SAL: Youse not a
rebel, arse ya?
LEELA: Oh God
no.
Fry glances
around the room, and his eyes fall on a suspicious looking skeleton
hanging on the wall (in the background, Bender stuffs the gray egg
into his chest cavity and heads off for the hootch still again). The
skeleton's about two ½ feet tall, and is strangely humanoid...
well, except for the abnormally large, misshaped skull.
FRY: Is this a
Siõe?
SAL: Nope. One
of their creations. Rebels called 'em 'norms' or sumtin'.
LEELA: How did
you know that?
SAL: (alarmed)
Hey, don't starts accusing me of sumtin' I never did! (suspicious,
points at Fry) And youse! Youse _sure_ you ain't a former rebel?
FRY: (shakes his
head) I wasn't even around in 2012.
SAL: (still
suspicious) Youse all bettah leave before youse scares away my
customers. (They all just stand there) NOW!
The all file out
of the room as Sal watches them with a mean glare. As soon as they're
gone, he gives the room one last glance around and exits himself,
turning the lights off and closing the door behind him.
Maybe it's the
change in light, or maybe the TV showing this episode is screwed up,
but for a brief moment, it almost looks like the skeleton blinks...
SCENE 4
INT PE SHIP
BRIDGE- LATER
Now the crew is
back on their own ship, and everything has returned to normal, right?
Of course not! Leela, Bender and Amy are all staring at Fry.
Ironically, Fry has a good reason to be stared at; he's crawling
around on the floor, searching for something. As the three chat, he
makes various calls and whistles, like he's looking for a dog.
AMY:
(whispering) He axed _Fry_ that? Wow. You don't think Fry really was
a rebel, do you?
LEELA:
(whispering back) Who knows? That surly guy sure thought he was.
BENDER: (not
exactly quiet) But skintube couldn't have heard about the war. He
didn't even know there'd been a war in 2012. (To Fry) And what the
hell are you doing?
FRY: Playing
hide-and-seek.
Both robot and
Martian girl raise an eyebrow at Leela.
AMY: At least my
boyfriend has intellect.
FRY: He he,
joke's on you. I used to be your boyfriend.
BENDER: Yeah,
but that was while she was still a slut. (Bender starts laughing. Amy
goes red and storms out of the room) What's her problem?
Fry, now tired
of playing, slumps against the back of the couch.
FRY: (loudly) I
give up!
As if on cue,
Aaron pokes his head out from under the couch with an annoyingly
childish grin on his face.
AARON:
Peek-a-bew.
FRY: The couch!
Of course! (Slaps forehead) Why didn't I think of that?
BENDER:
(sarcastic) Maybe 'cause it's the only moveable piece of furniture in
the room?
FRY: (ignoring
him) Did you see that, Leela? I taught him to come when I say "I
give up". Isn't that a cool trick? He's like some super pet.
LEELA: He's not
a dog, Phil.
BENDER: That's
not the point. The point is whether he can learn any _good_ tricks.
(to Aaron) Yo! Mini meatball. Come here a sec.
When Aaron
refuses to acknowledge the robot, he grabs him by the shirt collar
and drags him across the floor towards him.
BENDER: There.
(Whispers) Lookie there. You see that wallet in "dada's"
pocket? Go grab it for Uncle Bender.
Aaron just
stares at him.
BENDER: Ugh!
He'll never learn anything useful, Leela. He's too stupid. And he
smells.
LEELA: You'd
better take that back.
BENDER:
(sarcastic) Ooohhh, I'm so scared! (Cautious) Why?
LEELA: Because
on this ship, no one insults my son.
BENDER:
Yadda-yadda-yadda. You and your rules. You're such a tightwad,
eyeball. (Mocking) Bender, he's too young to drink beer. Bender,
don't let him get near that porno. Keep him away from your
razor-blade collection, Bender!
FRY: Well, you
_did_ try to force Cod-Liver Oil down his throat...
LEELA: It wasn't
Cod-Liver Oil, it was Cod Liver's Robot Oil. And Bender didn't give
that to him, Zoidberg did.
BENDER: (who's
currently grabbing the wallet from Fry's pocket himself) Meh,
whatever.
SCENE 5
INT DOOP HANGER-
NNY, NNY- THAT EVENING
Unbeknown to our
PE crew, another duo are involved in a search. The hanger is full of
DOOP ships of all sizes, but the biggest of them all is clearly a
sleek bronze ship with humongous glass panels and four identical
ovalish compartments (each more identical than the last) jutting out
from it's narrow bridge, the words Cerca de Casa inscribed beneath
one gigantic window. Two oddly humanoid shadows can be seen scurrying
against it as they rush past.
CUT TO- JOAH'S
OFFICE
The deceased
Sheecera's office looks even more dark and dreary without his
presence. The two shadows enter, glance around, and rush towards the
entrance to the terrarium door. One of them is a male with a soft,
raspy voice that sounds suspiciously familiar. The other, a female,
owns a loud booming voice, noticeable even when she's whispering.
MALE: While I do
appreciate you calling me away from my... "duties" for such
an important task, I can't help but ax... why did you want me to come
here again?
FEMALE: Because,
I think I've found something that may be of great interest of us.
CUT TO-
TERRARIUM HALL
The shadows (now
silhouettes) can be seen wandering the corridor, the female
apparently feeling the walls.
FEMALE: I know
it's here somewhere!
MALE: _What's_
here?
GUARD: (OS) Who
goes there?
The two freeze,
then scurry up the walls (yes, they climbed the walls). Moments
later, a guard passes them by, oblivious to the fact that they're
handing right above his head. He searches the hallway with a
flashlight, but upon finding nothing, shrugs and heads out towards
Joah's office. As soon as he disappears, the female jumps down to the
floor.
FEMALE: All
clear.
But the male has
a bit of a harder time...
MALE: Ma'am...
it appears that I'm stuck.
FEMALE: Oh, for
Christ's sake.
The female grabs
the male around the waist (it's a low ceiling) and manages to pull
him down... on top on her.
MALE: Uh, I'm
flattered, Miss Glab, but I already have a girlfriend.
FEMALE:
(annoyed) Get off, Kroker!
With much force,
the female kicks what appears to be KIF off of her and sends him
flying into the wall. Which makes it reasonable enough for one to
assume that the female is really YIANNA GLAB, Ambassador of DOOP.
KIF: Why are we
hiding from the guards? You do own and represent the DOOP military.
YIANNA: That
still does not excuse me from not axing Toronga Sheecera whether we
can search out her ship or not. (Starts feeling the walls again)
KIF: Oh. (PAUSE)
Why are we searching Leela's ship? Why _did_ you drag me from my
DOOPly duties of caring for Zapp Brannigan hand and foot... (thinks
about this) Have I told you that I love you?
Yianna ignores
the compliment. She doesn't answer him for awhile, and continues to
feel the walls. Kif shrugs and does the same on the other side of the
corridor.
YIANNA: I found
something, Kroker. Something that may change everything.
KIF: Everything,
Miss Glab?
YIANNA: Yes. My
position as DOOP's Military Ambassador, your job under Brannigan...
KIF: This is a
bad thing because...?
YIANNA: (stops
searching) I'll be frank with you, Kif. If this is what I think it
is, our species is in danger of being rediscovered. (Hesitates) I
think this is a Siõe ship.
Kif bursts out
laughing, and Yianna's taken aback. She grabs her fellow Gray by the
shoulders, swings him around to stare him in the eyes, and shakes him
violently.
YIANNA: God DAMN
it! This is serious! Do you know what could happen to us if this is
really what I think it is?!
KIF: (startled)
Sorry... but the _Siõe ship_. Yianna, that's a story they told
us as kids to shut us up and get us to sleep.
YIANNA: You
really don't believe this is it? Or are you just hoping?
KIF: With the
way you're acting, I don't know what to think.
Enraged, Yianna
slams him into the wall. As his body meets metal, the wall beneath
him glows an eerie bright blue. The two stare at it for a few
seconds, then Kif scrambles out of Yianna's grasp. The light
disappears as soon as he stops touching the wall.
YIANNA: I told
you, didn't I? Didn't I say this was the ship?
SCENE 6
EXT BIOLOGICA
XI- LATER
The PE ship
flies towards a green planet. Really green... like, full-of-life
green.
CUT TO-
LAUNCH/LANDING PAD
The ship hoovers
gracefully above the pad. But not for long. Without it's landing
legs, it stops hoovering for no apparent reason and crashed onto the
pad, bounces a few times, then finally stops.
LEELA: (VO)
Uh... maybe I should land the ship from now on.
FRY: (VO) Awwww.
CUT TO-
BIOLOGICA XI LABS- EXAMINATION ROOM
The room looks
very much like a humane shelter, except for a lack of unhappy animals
stuck in cramped cages. On the contrary, one wall of the room is
lined with giant cages, only which a few are filled. There's a
playpen in one corner, where an odd looking green gorilla with
feathery, yellow wings is playing with some stuffed animals (well, if
you consider tearing their limbs off and throwing them about the
playpen "playing"). Bent over a medical table, examining
what appears to be a Plopper with webbed feet and shaggy hair, is a
rather familiar looking woman. Dangling from her neck is an odd
amethyst necklace. She's a few years older, but nonetheless, it's...
ROSA: Come on,
hold still! I'm not gonna hurt you. I just wanna see your insides a
bit... no! Don't jump off the ruddy table! !Ay caramba! You stupid
animal!
She scowls and
starts curing vividly in Spanish as she crawls behind the medical
table, searching for the... well, thing. A young man, not much older
than her, walks in and watches her for a few moments. He looks sort
of like Tom Green.
CHAD: Uh, Rosa,
hon? Miss Sheecera's shipment is here.
ROSA: (getting
up) Oh, good. What's in this one?
CHAD: (checking
a list) Uh... two Tiraffe cubs. One was injured... fell off a cliff.
The other's also hurt... something fell off a cliff and onto him.
ROSA: Tell them
to bring them in here.
CHAD: 'K.
(Starts to leave, then turns around) Oh, by the way, I found
something interesting on the bathroom sink that you might be able to
explain to me...
SFX: KNOCKING
ROSA: (gets down
on all fours again) Chad, sweetheart, could you go and get that for
me? I have to look for that stupid creature...
CHAD: (annoyed)
Fine.
He goes off, and
we're left staring at a searching Rosa for a few moments. As she
crawls across the floor, she runs into a crate that seems to come out
of nowhere. Inside she can hear a duet of pitiful moans and mews. She
glances up and is immediately greeted with the sight of an adorable
cyclops toddler sitting on the crate. Her mood switches from
disgruntled biologist to maternal woman in moments.
ROSA: Ohhhhh, he
is so CUTE! (Ruffles his hair) So, does he come with the package?
BENDER: (OS)
Sure. Free of charge!
FRY: (OS) Shut
up.
Rosa glances
over at the two deliverers. She eyes the robot suspiciously.
ROSA: You
seem... oddly familiar...
BENDER: Up
yours, skintube!
ROSA: I know! I
saw you in Tijuana a few years back! You were with that obese robot
on the streets...
FLASHBACK-
TIJUANA- YEAR 3000
Rosa's in an
open bar, drinking tequila, when she overhears a commotion outside.
She glances behind her and sees FATBOT (of Mars University fame) and
Bender in the middle of a crowd. Fatbot's lying on his back, moaning
in pain.
BENDER: C'mon,
you big baby. It's not _that_ bad!
FATBOT: My... my
circuts! I can't feel my circuts! The virus... I've frozen up!
AAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
BENDER: Don't
worry about it. We'll figure out something.
CUT TO- TIJUANA
STREET- AN HOUR LATER
Fatbot's
suspended a few feet off the ground with a rope attached to some
random building's rooftop. There's a long line in front of him, and
two children are directly beneath him, holding baseball bats.
Bender's taking cash. Rosa's watching with pure interest, and yeah, a
bit of disgust.
BENDER: Mujers y
hombres! Muchachos de todos anos! I've got here the biggest pinata in
the whole damn country, just waiting for you to have a whack! Five
pesos a swing! Hear him scream at no extra charge!
END FLASHBACK
BENDER: Yeah,
those were the days...
ROSA: Riiight.
(Turns to Fry) And what about y...
She stops and
gaps. Which looks really strange when she holds the same face for
about ten seconds straight.
FRY: Um... we'll
just leave now...
ROSA: No,
wait... Philip? Philip Fry?
FRY: Yeah?
ROSA: You don't
recognize me... oh my God, I should have known!
FRY: What?
ROSA: Remember
that little Hispanic girl that used to babysit Matthew?
Fry stares
blankly at her.
FRY: Uh...
ROSA: Her
brother froze you unintentionally?
FRY: *blink*
Ohhhhh! _that_ kid. Yeah, I remember. Wait, what are _you_ doing
here?
ROSA: I had
myself frozen when I was 24.
FRY: Right...
(awkward) I sort of thought you'd be... you know, dead.
ROSA: *shrugs* I
didn't like the 21st Century...
FRY: No, not
from that.
PAUSE
ROSA:
(realizing) Oh, right. That night...
There's an
awkward silence.
BENDER: So,
where do you want the package?
ROSA: Oh, just
put it on that table over there.
CUT TO- TABLE
On the table
(different from the medical table) there sits a rather familiar
looking cage with two rather familiar looking mice in it. One of them
is tall, slender, and running around in the exercise wheel like an
idiot. The other is short, with an incredibly large head, and is
sitting in front of a mini blackboard covered in equations.
DINKY: (in the
exercise wheel) Hey, Mind. What are we going to do tonight?
MIND: The same
thing we do every night, Dinky. Try to take over the galaxy! But
how... (thinks) wait! Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
DINKY: I think
so, Mind. But how are we going to find the time to build a doomsday
device to destroy that gigantic box coming our way?
MIND: Box?
SFX: SLAM
The Tiraffe box
comes out of nowhere and crushes the cage. As well as the mice.
BENDER: Another
job well done!
MIND: (muffled)
Ohhh, my brain... my beautiful brain...
CUT TO- PREVIOUS
SHOT
Rosa grapples
for her purse as she scowls at the box. Aaron's no longer on it
(obviously) so Fry's carrying him. Easier said than done, because
Aaron keeps yanking his hair.
ROSA:
(sarcastic) Well, you just crushed my two lab rats. I suppose I have
to pay you for that, too, huh?
BENDER: It would
help.
She sighs and
dishes the money to Bender, who pockets it in his chest cavity.
FRY: Hey, Rosa?
(yank) Ow! Uh, if you're not busy X-Mas Eve (yank) OW! Uh, do you
want to come to our co... (tug) Ouch! Company party? You know, just
to (pull) OW!! Talk? Aaron, kiddo, stop it.
AARON: (laughs)
Dada owie!
ROSA: And you
want me to come because...
FRY: (awkward)
Well... you were frozen 13 years after me... and a lot happens in 13
years...
There's a pause
as this sinks into Rosa, as she puts two-and-two together...
ROSA: (gently)
Yeah, I guess I could come. Can I bring my husband?
FRY: (blank)
You're married?
ROSA:
(indignant) Yes! He's the guy that let you in.
FRY: Oh, uh,
sure. Whatever.
BENDER: C'mon
skintube!
FRY: Alright,
alright! Bye Rosa. Nice seeing you.
ROSA: Ditto.
The deliverers
leave, and Rosa sags against the medical table. Chad comes back in,
holding a small, peculiar little box...
CHAD: Uh, Rosa,
honey, this isn't _yours_, is it?
ROSA: (glances
at it uneasily) Uh... no, 'course not. I think it's the intern's.
CHAD:
(suspicious) Oh. Right...
He leaves, and
Rosa sighs in relief. She feels for a cup of strong coffee and chugs
it down
CHAD: (OS) You
might want to tell her congrats, then, 'cause it's positive.
Rosa's eyes go
wide as she chokes on the coffee.
SCENE 7
INT DOOP HANGER-
NNY, NNY
Kif and Yianna
have now exited the Cerca and are jabbering excitedly to one another.
Mind you, being excited doesn't mean that their necessarily pleased.
KIF: (ill) Oh...
my.... creators...
YIANNA: Our
creators indeed...
KIF: That
_can't_ be the Siõe ship, it just can't be! It was supposed to
have been destroyed in the Great War!
YIANNA: Yeah,
well, so were we.
Yianna continues
towards her office, leaving Kif in his tracks, scared stiff. After a
moment's passing, he races to catch up with her.
KIF: Miss Glab,
wait! What if someone else _does_ find out? You don't think they'd...
(does a "slit-our-throats" motion) *gulp* do you?
Yianna just
stares at him.
YIANNA: I hope
not, Kif. But it's quite possible. That, or banishment from earth.
PAUSE
KIF: I... I'd
die if that happened. Banned from my home? Cut off from my Amy...
(urgent) Yianna, we _must_ destroy this ship!
YIANNA: Yeah?
How? The ship's not made of metal, we both know that. There's no way
to kill it off without someone noticing! And even if there were, how
do you think Ms. Sheecera would react, knowing we'd destroyed her
father's ship...
KIF: BUT IT'S
NOT HER FATHER'S SHIP!
His words echo
around the hanger for some time, and Yianna slaps a hand over his
mouth.
YIANNA: Shush!
There are still other people here!
JANITOR: (OS)
Hey, is everything alright, Ambassador Glab?
YIANNA:
(strained) Yes, Mr. Castle. We're just in a bit of a heated
discussion at the moment. Don't mind us.
CUT TO- SHOT OF
JANITOR
We can see the
back of the janitor, and a distant view of Kif, Yianna and the Cerca.
The janitor nods.
JANITOR: Oh, I
won't, Ambassador.
Yianna nods in
agreement, then grabs Kif by the arm and drags him off into her
office. The janitor turns around and grins evilly. And why not? He's
only the notorious DAVID CASTLE from the first part of _some_ trilogy
being written (*cue dramatic musical score*)...
DAVID: I sure
won't... (does an evil Sideshow Bob-ish laugh)
SCENE 8
CUT TO- PE
BUILDING- CONFERENCE ROOM- AT THAT MOMENT
We get a shot of
a stack of resumes being held by the two ageing hands of the
professor.
FARNSWORTH: Now,
remind me why you're interested in this particular company, Mr.,
uh...
JITAN: Er,
Bondi, sir. Jitan Bondi.
Farnsworth
lowers the papers to stare "Bondi" in the eye. It's none
other than... *dun dun dunnn* THE MYSTERIOUS NUMBER 9 MAN!!!! His
robes are currently lacking that giant number 9, though. Up close, we
can see he's tall. Really tall. And his voice is soft and pleasant,
with a tinge of an English accent (guest voice: Pierce Brosnan).
JITAN: (CONT)
But everyone just calls me Jitan.
FARNSWORTH:
Right, right... Jitan.
JITAN: I was
just looking for a place to start off small, and I... (lowers his
voice and leans in towards Farnsworth) I heard through the grapevine
that this was the _best_ place to go for a corporate ladder to climb.
FARNSWORTH:
(flattered) Oh my, really? Us? Best of something? Well, we _could_
use a new janitor, what with Scruffy being gone for years now...
congratulations, Mr. Bondi, you're a hired man!
The two shake
hands, Jitan beaming from ear to ear.
JITAN: Oh, thank
you, sir. Rest assure, I won't let you down!
ZOIDBERG: (OS,
entering) Did I just hear the word "azure", as in the color
blue, as in the color of the ocean, as in the home of thousands of
scrumptious appetizers?
FARNSWORTH:
(thinking) No... no, I don't believe we said anything of the sort...
Zoidberg glances
at Jitan, takes a sniff of the air, then lets out he most horrific,
hilarious crustacean-scream imaginable. He stares at Jitan madly,
babbling in his foreign language.
JITAN: (somewhat
calm) Is he _always_ like this?
ZOIDBERG: YOU!
You... you are not human!
JITAN: I beg
your pardon?
ZOIDBERG: You are
some suspicious freak thingy from the depths of our most terrifying
nightmares! (To Farnsworth) Terrifying, I say! (PAUSE)
AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
He runs out of
the room in a fit. The professor and the new janitor stare at the
spot where the doctor once was, then turn to one another.
JITAN: You know,
he'd make a good side dish.
FARNSWORTH: Oh
my, yes. You know, I have a recipe that I've been saving just for
him...
SFX: SHIP
LANDING
FARNSWORTH: Oh
good, they're back. Now they can help me cook the poor bastard! (Rubs
his hands together earnestly)
Bender and Amy
come off the ship and immediately notice Jitan. Amy gives him a
friendly wave, while Bender gives him... the "birdie".
FARNSWORTH: Good
news, everyone! Now that Scruffy is presumably dead, all of his
pornographic posters down in the basement now belong to me! Oh, and
we have a new janitor.
JITAN: (shakes
Amy's hand) Jitan Bondi's the name. And you must be the lovely Miss
Amy Wong. I hear you're quite an expert in the field of mechanics.
AMY: (blushing)
Oh, it's nothing, really. Just... just something I picked up...
BENDER: Was that
_before_ or _after_ you got picked up by all your professors?
JITAN: And _you_
must be Bender, the cook.
BENDER: Up
yours, meatbag!
JITAN: (amused)
Meatbag... hmmm, must remember that one. (Glances towards the ship)
And this must be... yes, the famous Miss Sheecera, am I correct?
LEELA:
(descending from the ship, holding Aaron) Um, yeah, I guess.
AMY: This is the
new janitor, Mr. Bondi.
LEELA: Hello
there. (Calling) Hey Phil, come down here. The professor hired a new
janitor.
BENDER:
(mocking) Hey Philly, come on down so we can do kissy stuff to
impress the new guy with our "pure, undying love".
LEELA: What's up
with you?
AMY:
(whispering) I think he's PVSing.
BENDER:
(overly-emotional) I am _not_ going through Pre-Viral-Scanning and
you know it! Just leave me alone!
Bender breaks
into sobs and hurries from the room.
FRY: (joining
them) Hey. So... you're the new janitor. I'm Fry.
JITAN: Call me
Jitan. (PAUSE) So, after a delivery, what do you all usually do?
FARNSWORTH: (OS)
Oh crew! The water's boiling, and I need some help escorting the good
doctor into it.
ZOIDBERG: (OS) I
don't care what you're putting in that pot! I refuse to get in unless
you make it a _bubble_ bath!
AMY: (to Jitan)
We usually keep the sanity up to standards.
JITAN: Of
course.
SCENE 9 CUT TO-
SHOT OF PE BUILDING In a single scene we witness how the month
progresses until the building is covered in snow and X-Mas lights are
decorating all the structures on the streets (as well as "Go
Away Santa" signs). TEXT: December 24th, 3004INT-
APARTMENT 1I- LEELA (AND KILYNA'S) BEDROOM- AFTERNOON After
the destruction of Leela's house in The Fugitive, she's moved back
into her plain, cramped apartment 1I. It's even more cramped, though,
now that KILYNA has become her roommate. Kily looks much different
now; he hair's been cropped to shoulder-length and is noticeably a
few shades of purple lighter than Leela's. Her clothes aren't in
tatters anymore, and she's lost the lipstick. The two are in their
room, stuffing suitcases full of clothes and X-Mas presents. KILYNA:
Now, explain to me again why we're staying the night? LEELA:
Because if we don't, Santa will come from the depths of the night and
strike us down in a terrifying man hunt. That, and I don't have to
cook for once. KILYNA: (indignant) I'm learning, okay? LEELA:
They've been holding gatherings like this since long before Philip's
time. KILYNA: So they had killer robots back in the 20th
Century, too? LEELA: No. He said it used to a lot more
peaceful back then. KILYNA: Must have been nice. LEELA:
Yeah... all that unintelligence and lack of interest in kill-o-matic
robots. Ignorance must be bliss after all. EXT PLANET EXPRESS-
LATE AFTERNOON The sun is beginning to set on New New York,
and people throughout the streets are racing towards their homes in
an effort to make it to their havens before Santa strikes. Rosa and
Chad are calmly walking down the street towards PE. CUT TO-
ROSA & CHAD CHAD: (disgruntled) Why do we have to spend
X-Mas here, babe? ROSA: Because Philip invited us, and I'm
sure he's like to know what he missed out on for 12 years. Besides,
our house still smells toxic. CHAD: Well, maybe it wouldn't
still smell if you'd told me sooner that you were... you
know... ROSA: I never told you we had to repaint the room as
soon as you found out I was pregnant. That was _your_ idea. The
two reach the door. ROSA: Chad, just promise me you won't make
a huge jackass of yourself tonight. Rosa knocks on the door
and Jitan promptly opens it. JITAN: Hello there... (trails
off) ROSA: (eyes wide) You BASTARD! She immediately
slugs him, and the janitor goes down. JITAN: (OS) Nice to see
you too, Rosita. ROSA: (seething) Thought you'd be burning in
hell by now. Where have you been hiding, hmmm? Not a lot of places a
traitor like you can be obscure... CHAD: (cautious) Uh... I
think I'll go inside now. (To Jitan) Nice knowing you for those few
brief seconds. Chad quickly slips inside, leaving Rosa and
Jitan (who's since gotten up) out in the cold. The two stare at one
another, unable to speak. JITAN: Um, well, you look nice,
Rosa. How's life been for you? ROSA: Shut up. (PAUSE) What you
did was cruel. No one ever forgave you for that. JITAN:
Rosa... ROSA: (CONT) If Ali or Lis or Tammy... hell, if _Toby_
was still alive, he'd have kicked your ass to high heaven and
back. JITAN: (calm) *Sigh* It's what they wanted... ROSA:
(dangerously low) No, it's what _you_ wanted. You couldn't _stand_
the idea of your children being murdered, so you did the dirty work
yourself. There's a very pregnant pause here. Jitan shifts
uncomfortably. ROSA: So... can I come in? JITAN: Of
course. Rosa pushed past him and storms into the building in a
huff. Jitan watches her sadly for a few minutes, before heading in
after her. CUT TO- OBSERVATORY Chad is standing in
room, awkwardly, as he watches the gang is putting up various X-Mas
decoration around the entire building, let alone the hanger.
LaBarbara, Hermes, Cubert and Dwight are putting up lights around the
room, Farnsworth, Leela and Fry are setting up a helluva lot of
barbed wire around the fire place ("Farnsworth: We won't make
the same mistake five times in a row!"), and Bender, Amy and
Zoidberg are dressing up the giant X-Mas tree (Amy using her jetpack,
Bender using his extendo-arms, and Zoidberg... well, Zoidberg's just
eating the ornaments. Kily's watching Aaron. AARON:
Pwezies! KILYNA: (picking up Aaron) No, Aaron, you can't open
the presents yet... Nibbler, STOP EATING THEM! Nibbler ignores
her and continues to gnaw on a tiny box next to Zoidberg. The
crustacean glances down at him. ZOIDBERG: Hello, what is this?
ZOOM IN on the present's tag to reveal that it says To Dr.
Zoidberg on it. ZOIDBERG: *Gasp* That's _my_ present, you
ignoramus of a land mammal! (Grabs the present from Nibbler) It might
be a new hat for my slinky, maybe. (Crams the box into his mouth and
gobbles it noisily). Nope. Oh well... wait, maybe _this_ present has
it! (Grabs another and eats it) Rosa and Jitan enter and join
Chad. ROSA: (presenting their gift) Hi Philip...Zoidberg
grabs and proceeds to eat the present. CHAD: (glaring at
Zoidberg) Uh, hello there. ZOIDBERG: (gnawing on the bow)
Aloha. FRY: Hey, Rosa! Cool, you made it. CHAD: (SOTTO)
Unfortunately... (Rosa elbows him) ROSA: *Ahem* This is my
husband, Chad. You met him at the lab. And these people are... FRY:
(eager to introduce) The dreadlock guy is Hermes, that's his family
over there, he's sort of our manager; the girl in the jetpack's Amy;
you know Bender; Jitan... ROSA: (dry) We've already met. FRY:
Oh... LEELA: Hi, I'm Leela... BENDER: (finishing)
...Fry's bitchy, one-eyed lover. LEELA: (to Bender) Don't you
have some cooking to do?! BENDER: I need to be charged
first. Leela sighs and grabs some beer from OS. Bender whoops
in approval and wanders off. LEELA: Well, I'm sorry the
robot's being such a pain. ROSA: Oh, not to worry. (Loudly)
I'm sure a reliable janitor such as Jitan can "fix him
good". Jitan looks like he might say something in his
defense, but bites his tongue and also wanders out of the room. From
behind a stack of X-Mas presents, Nibbler watches with vast
interest. CUT TO- PE KITCHEN- UNDER THE TABLE- LATER Okay,
if you see a character's name with the word [language] next to it,
that means their speaking in Gibberish (or their native language),
but the translation is written out on the "screen" of the
"TV" in "English". And first to test out this
feature is Nibbler, who's mumbling quietly to a portable,
mini-tele-communicator under the table. NIBBLER
([Nibblianish]): Something's going on, I can sense it. This new
"Jitan" character is very suspicious, and the fact that
Fry's new friend is connected with him in some way worries me.
FEMALE NIBBLONIAN: ([Nibblionish]) You're keeping an eye on
the new janitor, I assume? NIBBLER ([Nibblionish]): Of course
I am! I overheard an argument between him and this "Rosa"
girl... apparently, he's killed his own young! FEM. NIB.
([Nibblionish]): Oh my... what about the girl? NIBBLER
([Nibblionish]): She appears to be from the 21st Century,
not unlike Fry. But she was frozen through her own choice, not by one
of our fleet. FEM. NIB. ([Nibblionish]): Of course. NIBBLER
([Nibblionish]): Fry seems interested in her past. For the past two
hours, they've been sitting in the employee lounge, discussing his
family. FEM. NIB. ([Nibblionish]): Completely understandable.
So she's no threat then? NIBBLER ([Nibblionish]): Not as of
yet. FEM. NIB. ([Nibblionish]): And your original mission?
How is that working? NIBBLER ([Nibblionish]): It's about to
become a hell of a lot more simple. They've been looking for their
own place since their engagement, and having Fry in the same
household as Leela will make everything much easier. Though up until
now, I haven't had much to protect the man from... FEM. NIB.
([Nibblionish]): Well, keep the good work up. Remember, the fate of
the entire universe lies in that screwed up brain of his. The
miniature screen goes blank, and Nibbler scurries to his bed in the
corner of the room, shoving the communicator under his blanket. And
not a moment too soon... AMY: (entering) I'm SO glad you
came! KIF: (following her in) Are you _sure_ that your parents
aren't coming? AMY: Of course I am! I told them I was going to
Becky's fraternity party and possible become impregnated by one of
the cricket stars. They were thrilled, of course. KIF: Of
course. AMY: I don't know what their problem is. I mean, they
picked you out in the first place. KIF: (SOTTO) Yeah... God
only knows... AMY:(sly) They won't be here all night. KIF:
Yeah? AMY: And I doubt anyone'll be on the ship... SCENE
10CUT TO- EMPLOYEE LOUNGE Fry and Rosa are lounging on
the couch, talking. In the background, Kif and Amy sneak past the
doorway, giggling. FRY: ... wait wait wait, so he was a
complete nerd? ROSA: He wasn't a _nerd_, he was just too
smart for his own good. Poor kid was in the 8th grade by
the time he was ten. Well, I wouldn't call him poor, actually. He was
pretty popular for a brain. The only weird thing about him was that
he carried around this stupid little clover wherever he went.
(Laughs) You know, he actually had Matt believing that that plant of
his gave him good luck? FRY: (suddenly) I tried to come
back. ROSA: Come again? FRY: That night I came back to
the future, when that blonde guy attacked you and Tony, the blue
warp-thingy sort of dissolved when I came out of it. And I tried to
go back the next night, to see if you were okay, and it wouldn't
work... (trails off) ROSA: Yeah, I know. Antoni tried the same
thing. FRY: He did? ROSA: Oh yeah. Heh, that was one
hell of a night, no doubt about that... (fades out) FRY:
(cautious) What happened that night, anyway? Rosa fidgets
nervously on the couch, suddenly interested in her shoes. ROSA:
Well, it was really weird, but after you got pushed into the Blue
Streak... FLASHBACK- CRYOGENICS LABS- 2000 ROSA: (VO)
You were just about to leave, when Antoni decided to spill the beans
on this "secret" organization we belonged to... ANTHONY:
Rosa, Sandy and I are a part of a secret organization that Dave's
trying to bring down. FRY: Organization? You mean
engineering? ANTHONY: Forget about the robots for a second,
'K?! It's a top secret government project. It's code-named PROJECT
AL...SFX: BAM The once closed door crashes to the
floor, and David storms in, fully loaded. Rosa shrieks and without
hesitation, Tony shoves Fry into the vortex. David's eyes bulge at
this new... thing (sorry, ran out of synonyms for wormhole), but then
narrow. DAVID: Another one of your games, eh Tony? Well, I've
got one for you and Rosa to play. (Raises his gun) It's called
"tag". He fires, but not at any person. The bullet
goes straight through the vortex, which starts humming angrily,
before turning an acid green. A pause, and the vortex explodes into
an infinite amount of green particles that fade away in a matter of
seconds. Anthony just stares at the spot where the Blue Streak once
was. ANTHONY: (stunned) It's gone... (to David) You f--ing
BLEW IT UP! YOUNG ROSA: You bastard! Without
hesitation, David shoots Rosa. She collapses in a heap. ANTHONY:
Rosa! DAVID:(aims at Tony) And now, it's your turn. Tony
shoots an anxious glance towards the 12-year-old Rosa, who's curled
up in a little ball, whimpering. David inches closer until the gun is
digging into Anthony's skull. He takes in a sharp breath, waiting for
the worst. DAVID: Why didn't you listen to me? I told you it
wasn't worth all the trouble... all the pain. ANTHONY: But
you're the one _causing_ the pain. This project would be completely
harmless without you and your cronies as a threat. DAVID: You
don't know that. You have no idea what they're capable of! (PAUSE)
I'm just sorry it had to end this way. David's eyes narrow as
he cocks the gun... ANTHONY: No you're not. David's
glare loses some of it's fierceness, and the gun in his grasp lowers
slightly. He stares at Anthony hard for a few seconds, then throws
the gun aside. DAVID: This is the last time I spare you, Tony
(runs out of the room). ROSA: (VO) I know Tony could have gone
after him and caught him, but David had left one minor detail for him
to sort out... Anthony turns his attention back to Rosa and
kneels down next to her, looking her over. ANTHONY: Rosita,
you okay? ROSA: (slurred) Lucky bastard... he never shoots
you. ANTHONY: (ignoring her) I have to go find phone... call
911. I'll be back in two seconds, I promise, okay? ROSA:
Why doesn't he shoot you? ANTHONY: I'll be back soon. Just
stay awake. ROSA: He _likes_ you... END FLASHBACK ROSA: So of course, David got away, and I ended up
in the ER again. FRY: And you never found out why he did it
in the first place? ROSA: Oh, we knew _why_ he was doing it.
It was just a matter of figuring out when he'd strike. FRY:
So... why _did_ he do it? ROSA: (awkward) Uh... erm... well...
it's sort of a long story... FRY: I've got time. ROSA:
Um... HERMES: (bursting in) Mail's here! SCENE 11 CUT
TO- EMPLOYEE LOUNGE- LATER Everyone is gathered in the room,
waiting expectantly as Hermes passes out their letters. Rosa and Chad
hang back from this gathering of the crew, merely outsiders looking
in... HERMES: Lessee, one for the bad doctor... ZOIDBERG:
Hurray! I've been remembered... (checks the envelope) by the
IRS! HERMES: ...professor, here's yours...Farnsworth
opens the first one and reads it aloud. FARNSWORTH: "To
the low-life bastard who killed my father..." What in God's
name? Oh, I see, it's from that mutated family of parakeets I
experimented on. How nice of them. HERMES: ...Amy, Fry, Leela,
a whopping stack of cards for Bender... BENDER: Let me see.
(Opens one) Aw... I got one from mommy again. (Reading with complete
adoration) "Dear son, you have yet to pay back all your loans.
If you fail to do so by New Years, I will be forced to call the
authorities. Merry X-Mas, Your Biological Mother." Awww, she's
so sweet when she's angry. AMY: (reading over his shoulder)
Wait, there's more. BENDER: Huh? (Reading) "PS, to get my
point across, this is a letter bo..." CUT TO- EXT. SHOT
OF PE All is quiet at the PE front, until... SFX:
BOOM The building is briefly illuminated from the inside, and
smoke begins to seep out from the cracks in the walls. CUT TO-
PREVIOUS SHOT Everyone is covered in smoke, their hair
disheveled, and the spot where Bender was standing is
singed. BENDER: He he he, good ol' mom.Everyone glares
at Bender. Everyone but Fry, who's more concerned with his own stack
of X-Mas cards. He checks them over thoroughly as he wanders out of
the room, muttering to himself. It's almost as though he never
witnessed any explosion at all. Leela watches him leave the room
curiously. CUT TO- PE SHIP- FRY & LEELA'S QUARTERS Fry's
sitting on the edge of their bed, going through the X-Mas cards
absent-mindedly, like he's making sure they're all there. Leela
appears in the doorway and stares at him for a moment. LEELA:
*Ahem* Fry jumps and looks up sharply at Leela. FRY:
Oh. Hi. LEELA: You okay? You seemed sort of... dazed. FRY:
Yeah, I'm fine. LEELA: Who're the cards from? FRY:
(stuffing the cards under his pillow) Cards? What cards? LEELA:
(pointing at the pillow) Those cards. FRY: Uh, nothing. Just
Chri...(catches himself) X-Mas cards. LEELA: Can I see
them? PAUSE FRY: (awkward) I guess you could. They're
just X-Mas cards. He sheepishly hands them to Leela and
watches cautiously as she glances over the cards in
puzzlement. LEELA: You sent _yourself_ X-Mas cards? FRY:
(quickly) I always forget important stuff, so I mail it to myself so
I won't forget it. Like this one (takes a particularly bulgy envelope
from her), I never would have remembered to bring it, so I mailed
it. LEELA: Who's it for? FRY: You. I was going to wrap
it, but then it wouldn't have fit in the envelope. LEELA: What
is it? FRY: (hands it to her eagerly) Open it. Leela
carefully tears the envelope open and pours out the contents into her
hand. She gasps at the necklace she's now holding; a small glass orb
handing from a platinum chain, may seem simple enough, but inside the
orb is a spiral of reds, oranges and violets that is constantly
changing form (sort of like that mini-orb in Men In Black). She
smiles at Fry and kisses him. LEELA: It's beautiful! I love
it! FRY: Really? That's great! (Pause) I thought it would...
you know, go with your dress. LEELA: (trying it on) Which one?
That crimson one I wore last week... FRY: I meant your wedding
dress. LEELA: (Smiling) Yeah, it would go with it. (Pause)
Only three more months. FRY: I know...She takes his
hand and squeezes it nervously. He beams back and pulls her close to
him.FRY: I love you, Toronga. LEELA: I love you
too... They kiss passionately; and so begins
the big, steamy love scene. Which of course, will soon be interrupted
by the big distraction... INEZ: (OS) Where are they!?!?!...
and there it is. Fry and Leela manage to untangle themselves
just as a fuming Mr. and Mrs. LEO and INEZ WONG storm past their
doorway, a frazzled Hermes following. CUT TO- PE SHIP-
HALLWAY HERMES: I swear to Jah, I 'ave no idea where da two
are! LEO: You're in enough trouble as it is, Conrad, not
informing us of this "party". LEELA: Hey, lay off!
It's not Hermes' responsibility to track your daughter's every
move! INEZ: You stay out of this, you lower-class, ignorant
cyclops. Inez starts rapping on Amy's door furiously. INEZ:
Amy Tiu Wong, march yourself out of that room right now! There's
no answer. Leo knocks on the door as well, but to no avail. Angry, he
opens the door. Inez shrieks and faints, Leo just stares,
gapping. AMY: (OS) Uh, hi mom... dad... KIF: (OS) Look,
I can explain... LEO: (fierce) Explain!?!? Yes, please do
explain what you're doing with my daughter! AMY: (coming out
with Kif) It's no big deal, okay? We were still on first base. LEO:
It's not what base you were on, it's the fact that you were playing!
(To Kif) _Especially_ after I forbade _you_ from seeing my Amy! KIF:
(nervous) I know you did... but I just couldn't... LEO: Maybe
you didn't hear me the first time clearly enough. You are to never
come near my daughter again, do you hear? KIF: (ill) I... but
sir...Leo glares him down, and for a second, Kif shrinks
back. He looks at Amy, then seems to gather some courage. KIF:
I can't do that. LEO: (eyes narrowing) You _what_? KIF:
(voice growing stronger) Sir, your daughter is the BEST thing that's
ever happened to me. For the first time, I have a reason to enjoy
life, and it's all because of her! I can't just ignore it, sir, I
love her... AMY: ...and I love him. LEO: (flustered)
Amy, you're coming home, now! AMY: What? I'm not a little kid,
you can't just storm in here and drag me back to the ranch because
you don't like my boyfriend. Can't you just accept it and let us live
our own lives?! LEO: Don't you _dare_ talk back to me, young
lady... AMY: I'M NOT A "YOUNG LADY" ANYMORE! I.
AM. A. GROWN.
WOMAN! The tension's filled the entire ship now. Fry
and Leela are watching from afar nervously, and Hermes has already
begin to edge towards the exit. Leo seems stunned beyond words. LEO:
Amy, I'm giving you one last change. Dump the little green man, right
here, right now, and come home with your mother and me. AMY:
And if I don't? LEO: Well, it's obvious to such a mature woman
such as yourself, isn't it? You no longer need us to take care of
you, and if you disobey our rules, we might as well disown you. AMY:
WHAT?! That's not fair! You can't make me choose my love over my
family! LEO: Watch me. Amy stands torn between Kif and
her father. She glances at him frantically, and he can merely shoot
her a helpless look back. KIF: Amy... no matter what you say,
I'll still love you. Amy nods, closes her eyes, and takes a
deep breath. AMY: (quiet) I'm sorry, daddy. Her father
goes thin-lipped, but says nothing. He quietly kneels down to revive
Inez, who's still unconscious. She rises to her feet weakly and has
to be led out of the ship with her husband's help. INEZ: What
happened? We're leaving? What about our daughter? LEO: (not
looking back) We have no daughter. Amy's lip trembles and she
runs back into her room. Kif follows her, leaving Fry, Leela and
Hermes to stare at the retreating Wongs with awkward stares. SCENE
12 CUT TO- CONFERENCE ROOM- LATER Fry, Leela, Bender,
Farnsworth, Zoidberg, Hermes, Rosa, Chad, LaBarbara, Dwight, Cubert,
Nibbler (in Leela's lap), Aaron (in a high chair next to Leela),
Kilyna and Jitan are all gathered at the table, finishing dinner in
silence. LEELA: Poor Amy. I don't know what I would have done
if _my_ parents had been like that. BENDER: What do _you_ have
to worry about? Your ma and pop are dead, eyeball. (Kily glances at
her plate) Hell, your whole species is wiped out, so why worry? A
drumstick flies out of nowhere and bounces off of Bender's
head. BENDER: Ha! That the best you can do? Leela had
better; she throws her chair at him, which brings him down with
ease. FRY: (enthusiastic, grabbing his own chair) Chair
fight! FARNSWORTH: Now, now, no more furniture throwing...
(Fry's chair hits him and sends him OS). HERMES: Stop screwin'
around, mon! Dis is serious. Without da Wongs' support, our regular
customers will diminish by... (mumbles to self and counts on fingers)
0.26%! KILYNA: That poor girl just had to choose between her
family and her lover, and you're calculating next quarter's
profit?! HERMES: You 'andle catastrophes in your way, and I
will in mine. CHAD: (glancing out the window) Uh, hate to ruin
the moment even more, but it's about to get worse. Everyone
looks towards the window and screams. Santa Bot is a few miles into
town, already causing havoc. HERMES: To the ship! Everyone
bolts for the hanger. Everyone except for one person... CHAD:
Well, we had a lovely evening, but I think it's time we got
going... ROSA: (grabbing her husband) Come ON! CUT TO-
PE SHIP- BRIDGE Everyone (even Kif and Amy, the latter with
her eyes res and looking miserable) has gathered onto the bridge.
Most of them look relieved, save for Fry and Rosa. Throughout this
scene, Santa's rampage can be heard from outside. FRY: I'll
never get used to this. ROSA: Amen... SFX:
GUNSHOTS The two scream and hit the floor. Everyone else looks
at them strangely. FARNSWORTH: Well, the evening's been
ruined, as par usual. I'm going to get some rest. Or die in my sleep,
whichever may occur first. (Leaves) BENDER: Pleasant dreams!
Don't forget to leave out your will! Suddenly, the destructive
noises outside come to a halt. Everyone glances around worriedly in
this newfound silence. SFX: KNOCKING SANTA: (muffled,
OS) Hello? Is anyone home? HERMES: (whispering) Don' answer
it... SANTA: (muffled, OS; in complete sarcasm) Oh, what a
pity. I guess I'll have to give this nice present to some other good
little crustacean... ZOIDBERG: Present? Bring it on, baby! He
scurries out of the ship and towards the door. Leela, Fry, Hermes and
Bender all race after him. ZOIDBERG: (opening the door)
Gimmiegimmiegimmie! From outside, a flame from an unseen
source shoots through the door, barely missing Zoidy's head. It does,
however, convert his Santa hat to singes. He glances at the ashes
that now top his head and smiles. ZOIDBERG: Ooh! A
housewarming present from Santa! Get it? Housewarming? (He
chuckles)...Bender and Leela slam the door shut and
triple-bolt it. Santa can be heard on the outside, banging fiercely
on the door. SANTA: (muffled, OS) Santa's stamping your
naughty asses on his List for eternity! Everyone ignores Santa
as they focus on their bigger task. It takes all four humanoid (and
robotic) figures to drag Zoidy back to the ship. ZOIDBERG:
(clinging to the PE ship doorframe) NO! I must get my present! (To
Bender) Robut, you understand! Make them feel my pain! BENDER:
Cram it, lobster! (Smacks him and shoves him into the ship) SANTA:
(muffled, OS) Damn it! Very well... on Cloak! On Dagger! To the top
of the roof of that nitroglycerin factory. We hear Santa and
his reindeer leave the property, and everyone inside relaxes.
Until... SFX: BOOM CUBERT: This is so moronic! If
everyone's so worried about that stupid robot, then why don't we just
destroy him? DWIGHT: Shut up, mon. KILYNA: (looking
around) Wait... where's Aaron? Everyone glances around as
well. Aaron's disappeared for the moment. LEELA: Oh my
God! BENDER: Calm down, eyeball. The meatball's probably snuck
off the ship and fell into the basement or something. Or the oven...
or the fireplace... or Zoidberg's closet of sharp
knives... ZOIDBERG: They're _pointy-cutty-thingies_. Get it
right! Leela's not listening; she, LaBarbara and Kily are
already off the ship, searching for Aaron. FRY: Maybe he's
still on the ship. SFX: CRASH BENDER: (running towards
his room) AUGH! My counterfeit coin stash! Bender disappears,
curses a bit, and storms back on the bridge, looking pissed. Hanging
by his shirt collar in one of Bender's hands is Aaron, who's
clutching a large, flat, full-colored book. For some odd reason,
there's a variety of coins sticking to him. BENDER: Your
stupid kid was touching my stuff! The paint on those coins was still
drying, and now I gotta repaint 'em. Plus they've got cyclops germs
on them now! Leela enters and sighs in relief when she sees
Bender. With no regard to his coins, she grabs Aaron in a tight bear
hug. LEELA: _There_ you are! What did mommy tell you about
wandering away like that? AARON: (proudly) Buh! He
shows the book to Leela, then waves it in Fry's direction. FRY:
You want me to read that? (Aaron nods as he takes the book) Okay...
"The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Nightmare Before
X-Mas"? BENDER: Oh! Oh! Let me read it! That's my
favorite X-Mas story! FRY: (handing it to him) What's it
about? LEELA: It's a revised version of "The Night Before
X-Mas". Bender goes up towards the window and stands
before his attentive audience. BENDER: Gather 'round children,
and I'll tell you a tale. A tale of torture and misery beyond
comprehension. A story of wits, a story of love, a story of true,
undying pain... HERMES: Get to de point, tin mon! BENDER:
I'm getting, I'm getting! So allow me to present to you "The
Nightmare Before X-Mas":(Dramatic)"T'was
the night before X-Mas and though it's a shock Not a rodent was
stirring, not even R. Murdoch" The boards were nailed
over the chimney with care In hopes that old Santa would soon not be
there" The kiddies were nestled all snug in their
bunks Thinking of candy and other such junk (Aaron nestles
himself between Leela and Fry, leaning against is mom, eye
drooping)" And ma in her nightgown and I in my briefs Had
just settled down for a troublesome sleep (Amy curls up next
to Kif, still looking depressed. He gives her a reassuring kiss on
the forehead, and she smiles)" When what to my wandering
ears should be heard But a miniature sleigh striking dead a poor
bird..." SFX: SQUAWKS SFX: CRASH Dwight and
Cubert scream and cling to one another. Everyone tries to get a
glimpse of Santa's mayhem through the window, but it's sort of hard
when you're stuck inside a space ship. Bender scowls. BENDER:
Damn Santa... anyway:"With a large metal driver so evil
and quickI knew in a moment it must be St. Nick"I woke
up the misses and gathered the kids And goodnight to our warm quiet
beds did we bid"For Santa was here, and we did hope and
pray That the wicked old robot would rather not stay..." CUT
TO- PE SHIP- BRIDGE- LATER BENDER: (CONT)"He
spoke not a word, but went straight to his work And filled all the
stockings with the bones of some jerk(Nibbler and Rosa glance
towards Jitan, who ignores them)"And pressing the gas to
the floor with his shoe And giving a sneer, through the window he
flew"Though I heard him exclaim, as he flew out of
sight:'Merry X-Mas to all, and to all a good fright'"I
could not help by wonder how we had survived The terror of Santa that
had just driven by(Rosa snuggles next to Chad, half
asleep)"So remember as you put the young ones to bed And
place on your pillow your exhausted head(Fry drapes an arm
around Leela's shoulders and pulls her closer to him)"That
X-Mas comes by only one year a night And you should be thankful for
those in your life."(Kily glances over towards Leela and
smiles to herself) Bender scowls and throws the book to the
floor. BENDER: I forgot about the crappy ending! Where's all
the bloodshed? SCENE 12 CUT TO- PE SHIP- LEELA AND
FRY'S ROOM- REAL EARLY NEXT MORNING Aaron's asleep in his
crib, while Fry and Leela are in their bed. Leela's lost amongst her
dreams, her head resting on Fry's shoulder. Fry, however, is awake,
staring at the ceiling, his face expressionless. He glances down at
Leela, sighs, and turns to glance at two things on the bedside table
next to him; one, a digital clock, that's flashing 4:26 AM, and two,
a picture: the picture that he got from Anthony in BttP, to be exact.
He stares at it for a few moments, suddenly dispirited, then reaches
under his pillow... SCENE 13 CUT TO- PE KITCHEN- AROUND
6 AM Kif and Amy stumble into the kitchen, half asleep. Bender
is already at the stove, getting a pot of boiling water ready as he
whistles his favorite basketball theme. AMY: (grumbling) At
least _someone's_ happy today. BENDER: What's not to be happy
about? It's X-Mas morning, and all the survivors'll be so thrilled
that they lived through the night, they won't mind me mugging them
this afternoon. By the way, do you like eggs? KIF: Not
particularly... BENDER: Good, 'cause that's all I'm making
today. I need to get rid of this baby before it rots. He then
proceeds to pull out the little grey egg he stole from the Walion
Museum and dump it into the pot. Kif stares at it for a few seconds,
blinks, then screams bloody murder. CUT TO- PE SHIP- LEELA AND
FRY'S ROOM- AT THAT MOMENT Leela stirs, awakened by the gray's
screaming. She murmurs to herself as she feels for Fry. Too bad Fry's
gone... LEELA: Mmmm... Philip? (PAUSE) Phil? She sits
up and glances around, but Fry's nowhere to be found. Of
course, maybe that's because he's not at PE at all. CUT TO-
RUINS OF OLD NEW YORK- CLOSE-UP OF A FUNNY, GREY STONE- AT THAT
MOMENT At the foot of a peculiar rock, someone stands an X-Mas
card in the dirt, then slowly walks away. CUT TO- X-MAS CARD-
INSIDE (The camera ZOOMS OUT as the rest of this scene
continues). Printed neatly inside the card are several
paragraphs of unintelligible text; some parts running from ink blots,
others damp from water drops. The sender: Philip. The receiver: some
guy named Yancy. As the camera continues to zoom out of the card,
it's all too apparent that the stone isn't really a rock, but a
crypt. CUT TO- BIRD'S EYE VIEW OF SCENE We get a clear
shot of the cemetery now, and notice that there's quite a few graves
with X-Mas cards on them. On the outskirts of the graveyard, Fry can
barely be made out as he leans forward against the rusted fence,
staring at what's left of the friends and family he was torn
from. FRY: (whispering) Merry Christmas.
SCENE 14
INT- X-MAS
MORNING- PE BUILDING- OUTSIDE KITCHEN
Leela (carrying
Aaron) is wandering around the office, still looking for Fry. She's
about to head into the kitchen, but Bender and Amy cut her off, each
carrying one end of Kif. Kif, meanwhile, is unconscious, and of
course doesn't notice Bender raiding his pockets.
LEELA: (staring
at Kif) What happened to him?
AMY: *sigh* He's
allergic to eggs, and he saw Bender cooking one and sort of freaked
out. (Thinks for a second) Actually, I'm not sure why he freaked
out...
LEELA: Have you
guys seen Fry? I can't find him anywhere.
BENDER: How the
hell should I know? I've been slaving over a hot, X-Mas omelette the
whole morning!
AMY: An
_omelette_? You don't _boil_ an egg to make an omelette!
BENDER: You
don't?
AMY: F'luh!
BENDER: Fine!
(Drops his end of Kif) I'll go make a new one...
CUT TO- PE
KITCHEN
Bender storms
into the kitchen, grumbling. He glances over towards the egg and
scowls... until he notices that it's about quadrupled in size. Now it
takes up the entire pot.
BENDER: What
the..?
He sets the pot
off the stove and tries to pull the egg out, but to no avail. The
thing's stuck inside. He takes the pot and swings it at the fridge,
egg and all, hoping to at least shatter it. There's a good sized dent
in the fridge now, but the egg remains unharmed.
BENDER: Aw,
screw this!
He takes the pot
and egg and shoves them into his chest cavity. Rosa and Chad enter
the room.
ROSA: Is Philip
here?
BENDER: Nah,
he's been gone for a few hours.
ROSA: Oh...
(SOTTO) Damn, I didn't tell him... (to Bender) Well, we have to be
heading back.
CHAD: (SOTTO)
Finally...
ROSA: (ignoring
him) Could you just tell him thanks again for inviting us?
BENDER: Yeah,
whatever.
The couple exit.
Meanwhile...
CUT TO-
EMPLOYEE'S LOUNGE
...in the
employee's lounge, Kif is sprawled out on the couch, while Amy stands
by, concerned. He begins to come to a few seconds later.
KIF: Uhhh...
AMY: Kiffie? Are
you okay?
KIF: *moan* I
had the worst dream... that robot you work with was making omelettes
with...
AMY: That wasn't
a dream.
Kif's mouth
drops a little.
KIF: (weakly) It
wasn't?
Amy shakes her
head, and Kif goes a pale by a few shades of green; he falls back on
the couch.
AMY: (swears in
Cantonese) What is wrong with the damn egg?
KIF: (quickly)
Nothing! Noth... did he finish the omelette?
AMY: He was
cooking it wrong, so I told him to trash the egg.
KIF: You WHAT?!
SCENE 15
CUT TO- PLANET
EXPRESS- OUTSIDE- LATER THAT MORNING
Fry, returning
from his little "visit", heads towards the door in a solemn
state. In the background, you can see someone digging around in a
nearby dumpster.
CUT TO- PE
HANGER
Bender and Leela
are loading the ship with crates, while Jitan mops up in the
background. Fry enters, and Leela drops what she's doing and rushes
up to him.
LEELA: (irate)
Philip! Where were you all morning?
BENDER: Why
worry? I had Nibbler's vet install a microchip in his ear so we'd
know where to find him if he got lost.
FRY: Microchip?
(He feels his ear and removes a tiny, beeping chip) So that's why I
keep having nightmares about those never-ceasing Beeping Bots...
LEELA: Well, at
least you're alright. C'mon, you have to hep us load up the ship?
FRY: (frowning)
We have work today?
BENDER:
(surprised) We're supposed to work?
FRY: (not
waiting for an answer) Where is everyone?
LEELA: All the
guests left. Why?
FRY: Just
wondering. (PAUSE, quietly) Rosa didn't answer my question.
He sighs and
begins to help the others load crates.
SCENE 16
CUT TO- DOOP
HEADQUARTERS- YIANNA'S OFFICE- AT THAT MOMENT
Yianna Glab is
in the middle of what appears to be a very important video phone call
with Lrrr of the Omicronians...
LRRR: I'm not
sure I follow you, Ambassador Glab.
YIANNA:
(strained) I'll review it once more: (slowly) If you _stop attacking_
Earth, we can become allies. Friends. People who don't blow up each
other.
PAUSE
LRRR: I still
don't get it. What is this "allies" you speak of?
Yianna buries
her head in her hands.
YIANNA: I'll
throw in a box of Otter Pops.
LRRR: (excited)
_Now_ we are getting somewhere!
Yianna smiles.
Just then, Kif bursts through the door, covered in trash.
YIANNA:
(snapping) Lieutenant Kroker! What in God's name are you doing
here... (wrinkles her nose) covered in trash?!
KIF: (gasping
for breath) Ambassador...
YIANNA: Kroker,
leave us be! I'm in the middle of a very important...
KIF: There's a
Norn egg on Earth!
PAUSE
YIANNA: (calm,
to Lrrr) Sir, excuse me, but I'll have to call you back. (She hangs
up and turns to Kif)(deadpan) What?
KIF: I don't
know how... I was at Amy's staff party, and one of her friends had
the egg with him. He was going to cook it! With _heat_!
YIANNA:
(furious) And you didn't grab it from him?!
KIF: Amy said he
threw it away. I swear, I looked everywhere for it (gestures to his
trash-covered self), but...
YIANNA: (slaps
her forehead in disgust) Crap! Where the hell did he get it?
KIF: I don't
know. Miss Glab, we _must_ get that egg back...
YIANNA: I know,
I know... but where did he _get_ it?
They both think
for a moment. In the same instant, both their eyes go wide.
YIANNA: No...
KIF: But...
that's impossible!
YIANNA: He must
have snuck on somehow...
KIF: But the
only way we can find that out is if...
Kif trails off
and starts trembling.
KIF: No! I'm not
going!
YIANNA: Kif, we
have to!
KIF: But Miss
Glab...
YIANNA: THIS IS
A MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH, KROKER! Can't you get that through your
thick little head?! (PAUSE) Sorry. But if we don't find out how he
got that egg and get a hold of it, you know what could happen.
KIF: (quaking)
But that ship scares me.
Yianna is quiet
for a few seconds.
YIANNA: It
scares me too, Kif. (gently) We'll get a handle on this before this
gets out of hand, I'm sure of it.
CUT TO- SPACE-
PE SHIP- LATER
YIANNA: (VO)
Just as long as that friend of Amy's doesn't do anything stupid...
SCENE 17
CUT TO- PLANET
EXPRESS- HANGER- EVENING
TEXT: A FEW
HELLISH WEEKS LATER...
The PE Ship
makes a rather bumpy landing as it settles into the hanger. There are
dents everywhere, and the window's cracked (just pretend that an
intergalactic spaceship with a cracked windshield can fly without
losing oxygen).
The crew exits,
looking disheveled. Farnsworth greets them with the usual
announcement.
FARNSWORTH: Good
news, everyone!
CREW: *Groan*
FARNSWORTH:
(thinks for a moment) Actually, I don't have any good news. That was
the last delivery for the night. (PAUSE) What the hell are you still
doing here?! Go home already!!
CUT TO- ROBOT
ARMS APARTMENT-- FRY'S ROOM-- LATER THAT EVENING
Fry's room looks
much cleaner than it's ever been in the past. IT is, however,
cluttered with labeled cardboard boxes. Most everything is packed
away, except for the bed (of course), a few clothes in the closet,
and a bedside table. On the table are two memoirs from BTTP: the
picture of his family, and a freakish, purple, rabbit-like doll with
a tapered tail (a.k.a. Blueberry).
Fry stumbles
into his room and collapses on his bed. Bender follows and slumps
against the wall next to him, his mechanical eyelids drooping.
BENDER: We can't
keep doing this, man...
FRY: (moaning) I
know. Who knew that the people of Hell 66 would be so vicious?
BENDER: Yeah, I
still got that stupid pitchfork up my ass.
Bender reaches
behind himself and removes a small red pitchfork and spears it at the
wall.
BENDER: Can ya
spare a brewsky?
FRY: I might
have packed some. Check the second box to the left. (PAUSE as Bender
rummages) No, your other left.
BENDER: I
know...
Bender grabs a
few of Fry's more expensive possessions and stuffs them into his
chest.
BENDER: Hey,
when are you moving your crap outta here, anyway?
FRY: Soon. (Sits
up) Are you gonna get a new roommate? Y'know, after I move out?
BENDER: Not sure
yet. It'll be nice to have the... the extra space... (trails off)
There's an
awkward pause as the two stare at each other. Fry clears his throat.
FRY: It's not
like I'm leaving _forever_.
BENDER:
(quickly) No, no! 'Course not.
FRY: I'm just
moving out, that's all.
BENDER: Right.
(PAUSE) You know, of all the sleazy, stupid, poor bastards that I've
roomed with, you're one of the Top 15, Fry.
FRY: Really? Aw,
thanks Bender! (Ugs him)
BENDER:
Heyheyhey! Get off me! I ain't no cushy hug-bot!
FRY: Sorry.
SCENE 18
CUT TO- FRY'S
ROOM- EVEN LATER THAT NIGHT
Fry's curled up
under his covers, in those plaid pants from "How Hermes..."
and the shirt he usually wears, shivering violently. Outside, a light
snowstorm blows. After a few more tosses and turns, Fry throws the
blankets around him and wanders out of the room.
CUT TO- LIVING
ROOM
Bender's asleep
on the couch, the TV blaring.
ANNOUNCER: (OS)
Due to the incredibly long length of tonight's Blernsball game, we
bring you Family Dad, which is already in progress. (PAUSE) Of
course, the show was on three hours ago, so we bring you now to Who
Wants to Live in a Temptation Chamber VXII.
Fry comes in and
taps Bender on the head.
FRY:
(whispering) Bender. Bender!
BENDER:
(half-asleep) Wha...?
FRY: My AC
broke. Can I borrow your body tonight?
BENDER: Yeah,
whatever. Just don't scuff it up or nothing... Zzzzz.
Fry unscrews
Bender's head off his body and yanks off his arms and legs. After
rearranging them back on the couch, he takes the body and drags it
back into his room.
CUT TO- FRY'S
ROOM
Fry sets the
body up in the corner of his room. He turns up the nozzle on Bender's
door from "Normal", past "Warm" and "Steaming"
to "Sun Spot". Satisfied, he returns to bed.
For a few
seconds, everything's fine. But then Bender's body starts making
really strange noises.
SFX: CRACKING
Fry scowls and
rolls over, but the noises continue. He sighs in annoyance and sits
up, scowling at the body.
FRY: Shut up!
The cracking
stops. Satisfied, Fry lies back down again...
SFX: CRACKING
FRY: *Grrr*
Fry throws the
covers off entirely and storms over to Bender's body. He throws the
door open and glares inside.
That egg that
was stuck in the pot a few weeks ago is still stuck, but now it's got
a few cracks in it. Cracks that are still growing...
FRY: Uh...
Bender? You might want to see this... Bender?
BENDER: (OS)
Zzzzzzzzz.
A few small
pieces of shell begin to bulge on the egg, them fall off completely.
A large, blackish-red eye, lacking any iris (or even any white),
peers out, then disappear as soon as it appeared. More pieces of the
shell budge, until the entire egg seems to explode. Being as dark as
it is, the only thing obvious about this new hatchling is that it's a
small ball of lightly colored fur.
FRY: What the
hell are _you_ supposed to be?
The creature
gurgles in an odd voice and crawls out of Bender's body and into
Fry's lap, snuggling against his stomach.
FRY: Oh NO! I'm
not playing "momma" for you. That's a Toronga thing... stop
doing that! BENDER!
Fry grabs this
ball of fur and heads for the living room.
CUT TO- LIVING
ROOM
Bender's head is
still asleep. Fry turns on the light, switches off the TV and shakes
the robot's head awake with his free hand.
BENDER: Damn it,
Fry! I was having the best dream... with blackjacks and hookers...
and my own theme park... and you were named Curtis for some reason...
FRY: Your egg
hatched.
He thrusts the
creature in Bender's face, and in this light, its details can be seen
more clearly. IT's covered in white fur that has a slight pinkish
hinge, and its two dark-red eyes are hidden by an array of fuzzy
white dreadlocks that cover the top of its head. Its mouth and nose
are muzzle-like, and it has humanoid hands and feet. It lacks a tail,
and its ears are either hidden or missing. Despite it all, it's
sickeningly cute.
Bender just
stares at it.
BENDER: So...
what is it?
FRY: You tell
me. That egg in your body hatched.
BENDER: Oh.
Mustave been that Norn egg I stole from the Walion Museum. Just set
it back in there and I'll deal with it in the morning.
FRY: Okay.
Fry exits and
Bender closes his eyes. It takes exactly 4.23 seconds for it to hit
both of them...
FRY: (rushing
back in) The _Walion_ Museum?!
BENDER: The egg
_hatched_?!
BOTH:
AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!
FRY: Bender,
these things are supposed to be dangerous! You could get the magnetic
chair or something for this!
BENDER: _Me_?!
_You're_ the one who hatched it!
FRY: Yeah, well
_you_ stole it!
BENDER: _You're_
holding it!
Fry realizes
this, shrieks, and drops the creature. It scurries back into his
room.
BENDER: Okay...
calm down... we can fix this!
FRY: How?
BENDER: We know
nothing about this thing, right? (Fry nods) Therefore, what we don't
know won't hurt us!
FRY: That
doesn't sound right...
BENDER: Look,
you either follow my logic, or you and Leela get married in a prison
cell, OK!? So, as long as we keep quiet, no one will know that we
brought a potentially life-threatening species back from extinction!
FRY: What about
it? (Motions towards the creature, who's peeking through his doorway)
BENDER:
(non-chalant) Oh, we just kill it and dispose of the body.
FRY: Oh. (PAUSE)
Wait, why kill it?
BENDER: Because
it's dangerous!
FRY: Oh. (PAUSE)
It... doesn't _look_ dangerous...
BENDER: WHAT?!
FRY: I thought
it was sort of cute...
BENDER: _Your_
God dammit, Fry! That sickeningly adorable hybrid almost destroyed
all robots on the planet!
FRY: I thought
it almost destroyed _the_ planet.
BENDER:
(screaming) Stop correcting me!!!
FRY: Why
couldn't we just pretend that it's something else?
BENDER:
(thinking) You know, you may be onto something. We could just say
it's some weird species of monkey or something. It sort of looks like
you anyway, meatbag.
FRY: See,
problem solved! I'm going to bed. Have fun with your new pet.
(Leaves)
BENDER: Yeah,
okay... hey, wait a minute!
Fry proceeds to
roll Bender's body through his door and shuts it immediately
afterwards.
SFX: DOOR
LOCKING
The door on
Bender's body pops open, and the "thing" stumbles out and
looks at him. It looks sort of drunk.
BENDER:
(calling) Damn it, Fry! I don't need a pet: I've got you!!
FRY: (OS) You
stole it, you keep it.
BENDER:
*grumble* (to the creature) What are _you_ looking at? (Sniffs) Hey,
what's that on your breath? AUGH! YOU DRANK MY TEQUILA!!! You
bastard... or bitch... or whatever you are... get on the couch so I
can strangle you! Hey, don't you stagger away while I'm talking to
you...
SCENE 18
CUT TO- DOOP
HEADQUARTERS- DOOP HANGER- THE CERCA DE CASA
Our two favorite
Grays are tearing the corridor of the Cerca apart in their vain
attempts to search for some sort of... well, "thing". Mind
you, it's sort of hard to tear walls apart, so they're more or less
running into them repeatedly. Two of the Cerca's guards are sprawled
across the floor in the background, unconscious.
YIANNA:
(nonchalant, looking at the guards) Honestly, where does DOOP get of
giving me wimpy pansy-guards like them?
KIF: I still
don't see it, Miss Glab.
YIANNA: Keep
searching, Lieutenant. I know that the panel is here SOMEWHERE!
KIF: You would
think they'd put up a sign or something...
YIANNA:
Remember, Kroker, we're talking of the Siõe. In their eyes,
everything was below them. They didn't need any sort of sign to
"point" them towards their way. They thought it ingenious
that they could create a button that only they could find.
Kif watches her
curiously as she begins to pound on the walls harder, a furious look
spread across her face.
KIF: (cautious)
Your opinion of them is rather low, Ambassador.
YIANNA: (whips
around) Of course it is! In their eyes, our species, _we_, were
nothing more than green trash. A throwback...
She trails off
and turns around quickly.
YIANNA: (CONT.)
The sooner we find the whereabouts of that egg, the better. God
forbid it's not a Norn egg.
KIF: What else
could it be?
Yianna shoots
Kif an odd Look as she continues to feel the walls.
YIANNA: Kroker,
surely you know that they created more than one species...
Her hand clips
on a panel of the wall, and a blue glow in the shape of a hexagon
emits from beneath her hand. The hexagon sinks into the wall, and a
small box on a mechanical arm emerges in it's place. Kif and Yianna
back into the opposite wall moments before the small box expands into
a flat, giant PC screen. There's a little keyboard beneath the
screen.
KIF: (impressed)
Wow. They even built a miniature printer into the screen.
YIANNA: (dryly)
How considerate of them.
Yianna frowns as
she comes up to the computer and begins to type furiously.
YIANNA: (CONT.)
When the Siõe created this ship, they wanted to be able to
pinpoint just _who_ was and had been on their ship. All a part of
their longing for the vast knowledge of the universe, I suppose...
Every one of their members were registered into this computer, their
DNA implanted into the data, so the ship would be able to tell who
was on it.
KIF: So whoever
got the egg was a member of...
YIANNA:
(interrupting) Well, not exactly, Kroker. Some members needn't not
register.
KIF: Why is
that?
YIANNA:
(gestures towards the screen) Take a look for yourself.
Kif cautiously
approaches the screen, scans through the list of names that Yianna
brought up, and screams.
In the third
column, 22nd row, is the name Kif Kroker.
YIANNA: My
name's on there, too. As are our parents', their parents' and so
forth. (PAUSE) The ship _knows_, Kif. It knows more than we would
ever care to reveal...
SCENE 19
CUT TO- PLANET
EXPRESS- EMPLOYEE LOUNGE- THE NEXT DAY
Zoidberg is
hunched over the table, in deep concentration as he writes a letter.
Unnoticed by the doctor, Jitan wanders in with a mop and starts
cleaning.
ZOIDBERG:
(reading as he writes) Dear... Mr... Bigshot with the mucha moola...
I'm begging you... PLEASE send me a licence! My local bureaucratic
associate and friend has kindly informed me that without it, I will
no longer be of any use to my workplace... and will be FIRED! Oh the
horror!
HERMES: (OS)
You're already of no use you stupid crawfish!
ZOIDBERG:
(ignoring him) He has insisted that if I don't receive a... a...
(calling) Hermes! What's that thing you said my licence had to be?
HERMES: (OS)
Valid?
ZOIDBERG: No, I
need something more tasteful... a-ha! (continues writing) ...
_not-phony_ licence...
JITAN: Excuse
me, doctor...
Zoidberg jumps,
screams and runs from the room, babbling on about an unhuman stench.
Jitan just stands there.
JITAN: I was
just going to ask you to lift your feet up... oh, never mind. (Starts
cleaning again) Wonder what _his_ ruddy problem is...
SFX: DOOR
SLAMMING
FRY: (OS) What
do you mean you brought it with you?!
BENDER: (OS)
Yeah, like I was gonna leave it at home with my supply of Saturian
Malt Liquor. The it got into my booze last night. My _Tequila_!
FRY: (OS) But
what if someone finds out...
BENDER:
(wandering into the lounge) Hey, I won't tell if you won't... (to
Jitan) Wassup, ya cleaning sack of crap?
JITAN:
(semi-amused) Good morning to you too, Bender; Philip.
FRY: (entering)
Yo.
Jitan goes back
to his job, and Fry leans in towards Bender.
FRY:
(whispering) He doesn't suspect a thing.
BENDER: Guh.
There's nothing to be suspicious about...
JITAN: Oh, by
the way, interesting creature you've got there.
BENDER: Wha...
Bender looks
down and notices the fluffball hanging out of his chest cavity and
scowls.
JITAN:
(continued; non-chalant) Yes, it looks like a superb specimen of a
female Ettin.
FRY: (not
thinking: as per usual...) Actually, it's a Norn that hatched from an
egg Bender stole a few weeks... Ow!
Bender slaps Fry
upside the head and glares at him furiously. Fry blinks, then slaps
his forehead in disgust.
BENDER:
Programmer damn it!
FRY: Well, it's
not like you told me to NOT tell anyone...
BENDER: I just
told you an hour ago, jackass!
JITAN: *cough*
Interesting as this is, you're both wrong. That isn't a Norn. It's an
Ettin.
The two stare
blankly at him.
JITAN: (CONT)
See, this little one doesn't have large ears, and the eyes are all
off. The lack of tail is a good sign, too...
BENDER: So, I'm
off the hook then?
JITAN: Not
really. Ettins were just another hybrid species created by the Siõe,
same as the Norns.
BENDER: *moan*
FRY: Wait, how
do _you_ know all this?
JITAN: I took a
college course on 21st Century history: we covered the War
of 2012 in great detail. (Glances at the Ettin) You shouldn't worry,
though. Of all the hybrid species, these were the least dangerous.
They were rather timid, actually.
BENDER: You're
not gonna squeal, are ya? (Threatening) Because if you do, I've got
friends in low, dirty places who'll back me up. Plus, they'll kick
your ass.
JITAN: No, I
suppose I won't turn you in. But you'll have to keep your friend's
big mouth here clamped up.
Fry frowns.
JITAN: So, what
are you calling it?
BENDER: I'm
going with an improv species: White-Assed Monkey. How's that sound?
JITAN: Mmmm...
could use a little work. But what I meant was a name.
BENDER: Aw, I
have to name it, too?
LEELA:
(entering) Name what, Bender?
Everyone
freezes.
FRY: Er...
Bender elbows
him. Hard. Hard enough to crack a rib or three. Fry doubles over and
decides not to say anymore.
JITAN:
(intervening) Actually, Bender was just telling me how he found this
strange breed of monkey wandering his quarters, weren't you?
BENDER:
(catching on) ...Yeah! It broke in through Fry's window and got into
my booze cellar, so I decided to keep it as a... drinking buddy!
LEELA: What's
it's name?
BENDER: Uh...
Tequila?
LEELA: Aw, it
looks so adorable! (To Bender) So, you've been feeding it booze
and... (waits for Bender to finish)
PAUSE
BENDER: More
booze?
LEELA: *sigh*
Bender, you can't let a carbon-based life form live off alcohol. If
you're going to keep it, you might as well learn how to feed it.
She grabs his
arm and drags him towards the kitchen. Fry following, but not before
giving a thankful look towards the janitor. Jitan watches them for a
few seconds, then proceeds with his mopping.
JITAN: (SOTTO)
21st Century History Class. (Smiles) Wonder how I thought
_that_ one up...
SCENE 20
INT- MARS- WONG
RANCH- LIVING ROOM- A FEW DAYS LATER
Leo wanders
right past the doorframe (and straight OS) whistling to himself, then
suddenly returns to peek his head through the door.
LEO: (screaming)
INEZ!
Inez and Amy are
on the couch, drinking coffee and conversing.
AMY:
(nonchalant) Hi daddy.
LEO: What she
doing in our home?!
INEZ: Having
mother-daughter chat.
LEO: I want her
out, now!
INEZ: Hey, you
the one who disown her, not I.
Leo growls and
storms off in a huff.
INEZ: I'm sorry
he still like that, Amy. He just overreacting.
AMY: Well, at
least you're _talking_ to me. (Glances down at her coffee) Why don't
you guys like Kif?
PAUSE
INEZ: (awkward)
Well, he squishy green pansy, that why. (Hesitates) He... he not what
he seems, Amy. Your father believe Kif... is dangerous.
AMY: *snorts*
Mom, pul-eeze, you just said he's a pushover.
INEZ: Yes,
but... there are things he might be hiding. Things that may hurt you.
AMY: But _you_
don't think he's hiding anything. (PAUSE) Right?
A moment's
hesitation, and Inez shakes her head sadly. Amy sighs and stares hard
into her coffee again.
AMY: (quietly)
Damn it, mom...
INEZ: (warning)
Amy!
AMY: (pointing
towards the doorway) You're just like him. Why can't you two see that
Kif's the best thing I've ever had?
INEZ: (snapping)
You know nothing of that race. Oh, Grays seem all sweet and calm, but
turn your back, and you find knife in it. That been family knowledge
for generations, ever since Wongs first land on Mars...
AMY: Alright, so
what makes them so horrible?
PAUSE
INEZ: (slowly) I
forget...
SCENE 21
CUT TO- DOOP
HEADQUARTERS- YIANNA'S OFFICE- LATER
Yianna's
slouched at her desk, flipping through a large pile of papers and
frowning furiously. There's a knock at the door.
YIANNA: (tense)
Come in.
KIF: (entering)
We should make this quick: Zapp Brannigan _insisted_ that he come
along.
YIANNA: (scowls)
Come again?
KIF: (nervous)
Uh, well... you see, it started like this...
Zapp storms in
with an enormous smile on his face. He's holding a bunch of lotion
bottles and a box from some place called Virginia's Mysteries. He
proceeds to drop them all in front of Yianna, and winks slyly at Kif
(who's gone maroon in the face).
ZAPP: I thought
I'd take the courtesy to bring these over for you, Kif. Although, I
must say that the sensual nighty you bought could have been a bit
more _risque_.
He wanders out
of the room, leaving Yianna staring at the objects cluttering her
desk. She opens the box and frowns at an incredibly sparse night
gown.
YIANNA: Kroker,
please explain why your girlfriend's desirables are strewn across my
desk.
KIF: *Groan* I
didn't want to tell him why I really kept coming here, so... (buries
head in his hands) He thinks we're having a scandalous affair...
Yianna glowers.
ZAPP: (OS) I've
almost got the camera rolling, Kif! Go ahead and start whatever
sensual things you two like to warm up with first.
YIANNA: I really
should have him court marshaled again...
KIF: Any luck?
YIANNA: Not yet.
Whoever broke onto the ship managed to hack the programming. There's
no record of _anyone_, human or not, having been on that ship since
you discovered that egg.
KIF: We're
dealing with an expert Rebel, then?
YIANNA: Maybe...
I'll have to run a more thorough scan later. However, I _did_ find...
ZAPP: (barging
in with a camera in hand) The film's ready! Are you two ready for
your close-ups? (Notices they're completely platonic) Aw, come on.
Don't be shy, Ambassador. This movie won't be seen by anyone besides
my finest DOOP privates... and Kif's other girlfriend... and a couple
of Nixon's cabinet members, but that's all, Captain's honor!
YIANNA: Captain
Brannigan, may I suggest that you find yourself a hobby and get a
life?
ZAPP: But this
_is_ my hobby...
YIANNA: OUT!
Zapp sighs and
storms from the room in a huff.
YIANNA:
Anyway... (cautiously, quietly) Kroker, I noticed that not all the
Rebels are deceased. There are quite a few living on Earth, in this
very country. Most of them froze themselves, I suppose...
KIF: Anyone we
know?
YIANNA: I'm...
not sure. (Hesitates) When I printed off the names, they were in some
sort of alien code.
KIF: A different
language?
YIANNA: No,
English letters, just different words. The numbers appeared to the
same, so I have dates... (sighs wearily) I don't know _who's_ a Rebel
and who's not... only that they may still be alive.
KIF: And the
ship knows that?
YIANNA: I'm not
sure how, but it does. (Awkwardly) It almost seems sentient...
SCENE 22
INT- PLANET
EXPRESS- LOUNGE- AT THAT MOMENT
Most of the crew
is gathered in the room, waiting impatiently for something. Aaron,
Zoidberg and Fry are noticeably absent.
LEELA: Alright,
I want you all to keep in mind that you're all going to help us
choose, so pick the type you like the most. (Glaring at Bender) I'd
also like to remind you that _we're_ paying for this cake, so either
pick a flavor you actually like, or have my personally stuff it down
your throat on the big day. (Leaning over to glare him in the
electronic eye) Comprendes?
BENDER: Hey, if
it's lacking any essential flammable liquids, I'm not stuffing
nothing!
CUBERT: I'm
hungry. Are they done yet?
HERMES: Yeah,
mon. It's been twenty minutes already!
LEELA: Let me
check...
CUT TO- PE
KITCHEN
The camera
focuses on the empty doorway (okay, so it's not a door... there's not
even a wall: the kitchen's just an open-faced room...), which Leela
appears in, eye closed, as if she's dreading what she's about to see.
She opens her eye and screams.
The camera pans
around to show several cake samples (or what's left of the several
cake samples) spread around in a large bakery box that Fry and
Zoidberg are both engulfed in. Aaron's sitting on the table, leaning
over the box in mid-swipe of a piece of cake. All three are looking
at her with frozen stares, covered in crumbs.
AARON: (suddenly
scared) Uh-oh.
LEELA: (just a
little PO'ed) PHILIP!! Damn it, that was for everyone! I can't
believe you ate the cake samples! I can not...
Still wearing a
look of surprise, Fry quickly points over towards the counter, where
an unopen box of samples is lying.
ZOIDBERG: It's
okay, Leela. He got two boxes. "Chill", as you humans say,
before you overhead and turn into one of those puffy balls of corn
that you're so fond of.
LEELA: (ignoring
Zoidy, taking to Fry) *sigh* Will you help me pass out the samples?
FRY: (mouth
stuffed) Hure, Hure, ouh oorze.
Balancing Aaron
in one arm and the unopened box in the other, Fry follows Leela out
through the "doorframe". Zoidberg watches them.
ZOIDBERG: Aww,
now I have no one to share my meal with but myself. (PAUSE) BONZAI!!!
He turns around
to dive at the box, only to discover that it's completely cleaned
out.
ZOIDBERG: What
the... oh, wait, maybe this is one of those meals that's still
alive...
He glances under
the table to see it's the cake's crawled under there, and notices
Tequila cramming the last of the crumbs into her little face.
ZOIDBERG:
(disappointed) Ohh... If I eat her, I can still taste it, maybe.
He makes a swipe
for the Et... White-Assed Monkey, but she's one step ahead of him and
dodges his claws. He makes a weird attack noise and dives for her,
but she scurries from under the table and into Nibbler's bed. Of
course, Nibbler's already sleeping in it...
ZOIDBERG: Oh, so
_that's_ how it is, eh? (Tried to get up and bangs his head on the
table. He starts screaming) YOU WANNA PIECE OF ME?!
Zoidberg starts
attacking the legs of the table, while Tequila watches in mild
amusement as she licks the last bits of chocolate off of her fingers.
Hermes storms in, sees Zoidberg, and whacks him across the head.
HERMES: Dammit,
Zoidberg! Dat's de third table dis month!
ZOIDBERG: Hey!
He was threatening _me_!
HERMES: Get out
of 'ere, ya big loony, before I get Animal Control on your ass.
ZOIDBERG:
Alright, alright, I'm leaving.
The two turn to
leave, but before Zoidberg's completely left the room...
ZOIDBERG
(Whipping around, to the table): You and me, same time, next week!
HERMES:
(grabbing his arm) Come ON!
The two leave.
Tequila glances down at the sleeping form of the Nibblonian and curls
up next to him. Almost immediately, Nibbler leaps to his feat and
faces her, crouching on all fours and growling, his back arched and
his hair standing on end.
(A/N: For the
rest of this scene, the characters'll be talking in their "English"
voices. No translation, just recognizable speech [however, if anyone
humanoid wanders into the room, they shouldn't be able to understand
them])
NIBBLER: Stay
the hell away from me!
TEQUILA (in an
extremely childish voice): Why?
NIBBLER: You may
have fooled the others, but I'm on to you. I know what you are. Just
stay away from me, and don't even get near Fry!
TEQUILA:
(blinking) What Fry?
Nibbler stops
growling and relaxes a little, but not enough to make him look any
less fierce.
NIBBLER: You're
just a child, so I'll cut you some slack, but Fry... that
funny-looking human with the bright hair... he's _my_ responsibility,
and _my_ project, so BACK OFF!
Nibbler barks
the last two words, sending Tequila rolling out of his bed and onto
the floor. She stares at him with a hurt look in her deep red eyes.
TEQUILA: (sad)
Nibbler dislike Tequila.
NIBBLER: No, I
don't. You're a threat to me and the rest of these humans.
TEQUILA: Oh.
(PAUSE) Why?
NIBBLER:
(awkward) I'm not really sure why. But I know you're dangerous, and
that's all the knowledge I need.
SCENE 23
CUT TO- DOOP
HEADQUARTERS- DOOP HANGER- AT THAT MOMENT
(A/N: Yes,
there's a legitimate reason as to why I keep coming back to the ruddy
Cerca. Be patient...)
One of the
DOOP's guards (actually doing his job) patrolling the hanger floor.
The room is dimly lit, and grows even darker as the sun begins to
fade behind the hanger's enormous windows. He glances nonchalantly at
Leela's bronze ship, when something catches his attention. Maybe it's
the fact that the ship seems illuminated, even in the darkened room,
or that the entire hanger suddenly seems deathly silent. Of course,
it's probably the eerie flash of bright blue light that floods a few
windows of the ship for several brief seconds before it fades away as
quickly as it appeared...
CUT TO- CERCA DE
CASA- TERRARIUM HALL
The guard now
stands in the hall, illuminated by the ceiling lights above. He
wanders a few paces, past the Tiraffe Terrarium, and rounds a corner.
Lying in the middle of the corridor is an abandoned gun. Cautiously,
the guard lifts it up, and it discharges. The guard jumps and dodges
the bullet, then looks around wildly for the owner of the weapon. Of
course, the hall is empty...
CUT TO- PLANET
EXPRESS- KITCHEN- A FEW MINUTES LATER
Fry is sitting
at the table, looking rather ill. The mess of crumbs is still
covering both table and floor, and Nibbler is still curled up in the
corner, sleeping. Tequila is also on the table, but she's gathering
crumbs and stuffing them into her mouth as she goes along. Fry
watches her for awhile, then reaches out to pet her.
FRY: You're not
that bad for a... whatever the hell you are. How can someone be
afraid of a little ball of fur?
Tequila chooses
not to answer, but nuzzles against Fry's open palm, grinning at this
new source of attention.
TEQUILA:
(pointing at the crumbs) Doh-rah doh.
Fry just gives
her a blank stare. Jitan enters the room, armed with a mop and a
bunch of spray bottles. Tequila glances up at him, gives a little
shriek, and scurries of the table.
TEQUILA:
(hurrying from the room) Ching-soh!
JITAN:
Intelligent little creature you've got there.
FRY: (obviously
still ill from the cake) *Moan* How can something so little eat so
much and not get sick? (PAUSE) It was for a good cause, though.
JITAN:
(thoughtful) Yes, a very good cause indeed. You and Leela seem very
happy together.
He starts to mop
his way through the kitchen, with Nibbler watching him cautiously
from the corner. As he mops, he stares at Fry with a curious look on
his face, as though he's weighing some important consideration.
JITAN: (almost
cautiously) What do your parents think? I mean, about you and Leela
being different species and all?
FRY:
(uncomfortable) They don't know.
JITAN: You mean
you haven't told them?
FRY: No...
they're dead.
JITAN:
(frowning) Oh. I'm sorry.
FRY: (shrugs) It
happens. I never told you that I was from the 20th
Century, did I?
JITAN: (mildly
surprised) Really? Well, then, that _would_ explain a lot. You know,
I thought I'd seen you around before.
FRY: Really?
JITAN: Yes, at a
baseball game. Do you remember a funny man who used to stand in the
bleachers holding up a sign preaching about the horrors of model
rockets?
FRY: That was
_you_? (Reminiscing) You beat the crap out of that one fat guy who
tried to snap your sign in half.
JITAN: Well, he
_did_ snap my sign in half... I'd just happened to whack him over the
head a little with it. (thinks) He did have a very large head...
FRY: Wait, how
do you remember me?
JITAN: (wirily)
One of the men you were with nearly beat the crap out of _me_ in an
attempt to... save the man.
FRY: Yeah,
Anthony was never any fun with stuff like that. (Thinks) So, I guess
that means you're from my time, too. (Jitan smiles and nods) Why did
you leave?
JITAN:
(hesitates) I... lost my family. In that horrid conflict you call the
War of 2012.
FRY: Oh. Sorry.
JITAN: (shakes
his head) No matter. I froze myself to escape my troubles, and here I
am, in the company of you good people. Frankly, I don't see how it
could have turned out any better.
FRY: Well, you
could have gone to work for some old miser who died and left you
everything, (growing excited) and then you could have got rich and
bought a nice big planet in Gortox 3 and hired all these beautiful
women to surround you and... (trails off) I'm not helping.
Jitan chuckles.
At that moment, Leela pokes her head in, looking PO'ed.
LEELA: I have to
leave early, Phil. Someone broke into the Cerca.
FRY: Should I
come, too?
LEELA:
(considering) Yeah, why not.
Fry gets up,
gives a rushed good-bye to Jitan, and drapes an arm around Leela's
shoulders as they exit the building.
LEELA: (SOTTO)
What's the worst that could happen?
(A/N: *cough*
Overused cliche, I know...)
SCENE 24
CUT TO- CERCA DE
CASA- TERRARIUM HALL
The camera pans
through the empty hall, past the Tiraffe Terrarium doorway, and
towards the two cast shadows of our favorite Shipper duo.
Not-so-quiet cursing can be heard on Fry's part as the camera finally
reaches the couple: Leela's standing on Fry (who's crouched on all
fours) as she observes a peculiar mark on the ceiling. There's a
large, black, metallic box in the corner.
LEELA: Well,
it's definitely a scorch mark. But it's not the type of burn that a
gun like the guard's would have made...
FRY: (innocent)
This is all blandly interesting, but couldn't you just take a picture
and analyze that. Something that doesn't involve you crushing my
spine?
LEELA: *sigh*
Give me the toolbox to stand on.
Fry picks up one
hand and tries to slide the box next to him so Leela can step off,
but the lack of support he creates causes him to fall flat on his
face... and Leela flat on him.
FRY: Ouch.
LEELA: Sorry.
She climbs onto
the toolbox and continues her inspection, as Fry sits and watches.
Actually, he's not watching her work as much as he's just staring at
_her_. Leela finally notices after a few moments and turns towards
him.
LEELA: What?
FRY: How much do
you weigh?
LEELA:
(offended) _What_?
FRY: (quickly) I
don't mean in a bad way... I just don't think I could pick you up.
LEELA: Why would
you need to pick me up?
FRY: Wedding
night.
LEELA: (smiling
slyly) I'm sure we'll be too busy doing _other_ things to test
that...
FRY: (playful)
Yeah, but first we have to get to the room, and to get to the room,
the guy has to sweep his girl off her feet, like so...
In one quick
move, Fry manages to (clumsily) grab Leela from the box and into his
arm. Leela yelps and clings to Fry's neck.
FRY: (wheezing)
It's supposed to be more suave than that...
The two glance
at each other and smile.
LEELA: So then
what happens?
FRY: Well, then
we walk though the door...
LEELA: Uh-huh...
FRY: And I guess
I set you down... (which he does)
LEELA: Yeah...
Leela leans back
against the wall and pulls Fry close to her, putting their faces only
inches apart.
FRY: And then...
and then I guess we'd have to kiss.
LEELA: Yeah... I
guess.
The two's lips
meet, starting off yet another major moment in fanfiction F/L
shipperdom (well, maybe not...). Just as the corny romantic music
builds up, and the two become more "involved", Leela pulls
away.
FRY: What?
LEELA: We
can't... someone might see us.
This is when the
strange things begin to happen...
Suddenly, the
lights in the hall flicker, then fade away until they're just barely
illuminating the hallway. The two lovers untangle themselves and look
at each other uneasily.
FRY: How did you
do that?
LEELA: It wasn't
me. Maybe the ship's power is low...
PAUSE
LEELA: Oh well.
She pushes Fry
into the wall and kisses him furiously. Needless to say, he happily
sinks into it. Of course, that's when he starts glowing...
correction: the _wall_ starts glowing a bright, light blue.
LEELA:
(noticing) Phil...
FRY: Hmm...
WHAUG!
Leela suddenly
finds herself without a fiancee... Fry's apparently fallen through
the strange new portal that's opened up in the wall. Before Leela can
investigate, though, the wall reseals itself.
LEELA: Philip?
(PAUSE) This isn't funny!
With no warning,
the blue circle of light flashes again, and Fry seems to explode from
the wall, tumbling onto Leela. Seconds after his collision, the
portal disappears, yet again.
LEELA: Are you
okay?
FRY: (excited)
It's so cool!
LEELA: What?
FRY: There's
this whole part of the ship we've never seen before!
LEELA: Through
the portal?
FRY: It's not a
portal...
He goes back up
to the wall and traces his finger around what seems to be a
fine-haired crack in the wall, shaped like the portal was. The crack
forms a sort of bent-up circle that hoovers at least three feet off
the ground. The wall gives off a dull glow right beneath his finger
as he does so.
FRY: (CONT) It's
a hidden door!
LEELA: I can see
that. (PAUSE) Dad never mentioned any hidden rooms...
FRY: Maybe he
just didn't know about them.
Leela stares at
the hidden door suspiciously, as though it's got something to hide.
She shrugs off the wariness, however, and gives the door a shove.
Nothing happens.
LEELA:
(disappointed) It went dead.
FRY: What? Lemme
try...
He's barely
brushed a hand against it, and the door glows as the "portal"
reappears. With a final glance to one another, the two wander
through: Fry first, followed by Leela.
CUT TO- "UPPER"
TERRARIUM HALL
Unlike the
previous hall, this one is cluttered with an array of
futuristic-looking doors. It's also much smaller, and MUCH darker.
Even the metal seems to be a darker tinge of bronze. That, combined
with a harsh, raspy noise coming from the left doesn't make for a
very pleasing noise.
One of the
futuristic doors (the one closest to the camera) opens, revealing the
portal. Fry and Leela are thrown from it and go skidding into the
opposite wall (unlike the entrance way, this door is right on the
ground).
LEELA: Where are
we?
The two observe
the several new doors on the opposite wall that lead to rooms that
have yet to be explored, which is odd, because the ship doesn't seem
big enough to fit all these rooms.
FRY: Do you
think they lead anywhere?
LEELA: Yeah...
I'm not sure I want to know where, though.
FRY: Do you hear
something?
The two fall
silent and listen...
SFX: CLANG
LEELA: (slowly)
It's coming from that end (points towards their left).
The two glance
at each other warily before Leela rises and follows the source (as
Fry reluctantly follows her). She follows the hallway to the end,
where she finds nothing more than a few pieces of junk machinery and
a 4x4 hole in the floor. Cautiously, she kneels over the hole and
tries to catch a glimpse of whatever is down there.
With no warning,
a pair of feet fly out from the hole and send Leela flying backwards.
The owner (a humanoid) scrambles from the hole, cloaked by the
shadows of the ship, and bolts into the hall, knocking Fry down as he
goes.
LEELA:
(screaming) Who the HELL is that?
She stumbles to
her feet and chases after the perpetrator, with Fry following closely
behind. They end up back by the hidden door, and the humanoid is
nowhere to be seen.
FRY: (slumping
against the wall, gasping for breath) Damn... he... he can run.
Leela ignores
him as she glances around the hallway furiously. There's a moment of
silence, before a backpack drops from the ceiling mere inches away
from her head. She quickly glances up and sees the man... hanging
from the ceiling.
But this is not
a Gray.
LEELA: What
the...
The man seems to
dive off the ceiling and tackles Leela to the ground. Fry screams a
few obscenities as he pounces on the man, pulling him off of Leela.
However, the man takes this golden opportunity to flip Fry over onto
his back and pound his head into the floor.
LEELA: Leave him
alone, you bastard!
She lunges for
him, but suddenly finds herself face-first on the ground. Glancing
behind her, she discovers that her feet are now shackled to the floor
of the hallway. The bonds seem to be made up of the same material as
the ship's walls themselves. Suddenly, light floods the hallway, and
Leela is forced to shield her eyes from the sudden illumination. By
the time her eyes adjust, all she can see is the silhouette of a man
escaping through a hole in the ceiling, dragging the backpack with
him.
Fry, meanwhile,
is slowly recovering from the trauma to his head. He sits up
awkwardly, looking as though he may fall over any second. Leela tries
to get close to him, but the bonds keep her from getting any nearer.
FRY: (Weakly)
Tora...
LEELA: I can't
f--ing move! How the hell did these get on me?
Fry tries to
stand, but nearly collapses from the effort and has to kneel with
both hands on the floor to keep his balance. At the same time, the
hole above them begins to shrink, and Leela watches in dismay as the
hole closes up entirely.
FRY: (louder)
Toronga, are you okay?
LEELA: Besides a
lack of circulation in my feet, I'm fine.
FRY: Crazy
little bastard, wasn't he?
LEELA:
(sarcastic) You think...?
She blinks and
turns around to see the bonds around her ankles literally melting off
of her, into the floor of the ship. The floor ripples, as though it
were liquid, then solidifies in a matter of seconds.
FRY: (watching)
Has anyone ever told you that you have a really cool ship?
LEELA (Standing,
ignoring him): How did he do that? He must have some special remote
control over this part of the ship or something.
FRY: (glancing
up at the ceiling) Maybe it was mind control. (Leela gives him a
weird look) No, I'm serious! Maybe he thought about a really big hole
growing in the ceiling, so a really big hole grew in the ceiling...
Just then, a
really big hole grows in the ceiling. Again.
LEELA: (scowls)
I've had enough of this crap. Philip, stay here. I'm going after him.
FRY: No, wait!
(tries to stand, but collapses again) Ugh, fine, abandon me.
LEELA (Climbing
out of the hole) Don't wait up, hon.
CUT TO- ROOF OF
THE CERCA
Leela emerges
and glances around warily. The entire hanger is dark, save for a few
lights in the corner. Unbeknown to Leela, a shadow walks up behind
her. It gives a gentle tug on her ponytail: she whirls around and
sends a fist towards the figure, but he ducks it and grabs her around
the waist, sending her to the ground (or the ceiling).
Now, the beauty
of the Cerca is that the entire top is composed of a bunch of curves,
most which lead to a long, deadly drop. Both opponents seem to be
aware of this as Leela rolls over onto her back and kicks the
stranger off, almost over the side. But he manages to grab a hold of
something, a mystery in itself, because the entire ship's surface is
smooth.
The figure
stumbles to his feet and grabs a club... that seemed to come off the
ship itself. But that can't be right... a ship doesn't just have
clubs conveniently lying around on it. Nevertheless, the man takes a
swing at Leela. She dodges the first, but the man brings a second
blow right onto her skull. She goes down quickly and finds herself
half-conscious, sprawled dangerously close to the ship's edge...
DAVID (A/N: Oh
come now, you knew it was him): You should have stayed out of my
business, bitch.
LEELA: (slurred)
What are you?
DAVID:
(murmuring) Just an acquaintance...
He raises his
club, which begins to melt and shift into something a bit more
harmful... like a jagged sword.
Meanwhile, the
hole in the ceiling has conveniently remained open, and Fry's managed
to regain enough of his senses to climb through it. When he peeks
over the edge, he finds himself witnessing this little spectacle...
FRY: (shouting)
TORONGA!
David looks up
sharply. In the same instant, a large, metallic tentacle grabs the
sword from his fists and retreat. He turns around and watches as the
tentacle merges with the sword and sinks back to where it came
from... the ship itself. David scowls and turns back to glare at Fry.
DAVID: Fancy
meeting you here, Phil.
FRY: (oblivious
to the voice) Do I know you?
DAVID: *sigh*
You always were rather dull in the head. Even as a child...
FRY: Hey! I'm
supposed to resent that!
DAVID: (ignoring
him) I'll give you two choices, Philip. (Kneels next to Leela) You
either go after me, discover who I am and what I'm after... or, you
go after your girl.
Fry sprouts a
bewildered look on his face as David (unknowingly to him) begins to
smile evilly.
DAVID:
(nonchalant) So long.
With that, he
shoves Leela off the side of the ship and bolts off in the other
direction. Fry, however, is still stuck in the hole, and hasn't the
footing to climb out in time to catch either. He screams Leela's name
and desperately reaches an outstretched hand towards the love he'll
never reach, barely grasping the edge of the hole with his other
hand.
In some freakish
form of a miracle, another metallic tentacle shoots out from the side
of the ship and speed grows towards Leela. About ten feet above the
ground, it catches her and wraps itself around unconscious form. Fry
watches in numb shock as this arm gently carries Leela back to the
top of the ship, disposes of her far away from the edge, and melts
into the surface with ease.
Fry scrambles
from the hole and rushes to Leela. He kneels next to her, hugging her
protectively as he shoots looks all over the roof of the Cerca for
any sign of that stranger.
But David seems
to have disappeared altogether.
SCENE 25
INT- LEELA'S
APARTMENT- LIVING ROOM- LATER THAT EVENING
Leela's curled
up on her sofa, holding an icepack to her forehead. Kily's leaning
over the arm of the couch, watching her eagerly, as one of the
familiar NNY cops (SMITTY) stands by.
SMITTY: Sorry we
didn't catch him, Leela. The Ambassador said she's tightening
security, though.
LEELA:
(sarcastic, rising to her feet) Great. I almost get knocked off my
own damn ship and Glab just "tightens security".
FRY: (entering
from a doorway) I better stay the night. Then, if what's-his-face
comes back, I can kick his ass for you again.
LEELA: I refuse
to let you kill yourself trying to be the hero. That's what I trained
up for: minus the whole death thing.
SMITTY:
Seriously, Leela, if this guy comes around again...
LEELA: We'll be
fine. (Hugs Fry) I've got my own guardian for the night.
Smitty leaves as
Kily shoots a glance at Fry and Leela.
KILYNA: Well, I
guess I'll make up an extra bed...
FRY: *sexy
growl*
KILYNA: ...on
the _couch_.
FRY: Aw...
CUT TO- DOOP
HANGER- JANITOR'S CLOSET- THE NEXT MORNING
The enemy is
pacing frantically within his confined quarters, muttering curses
under his breath. Every once in awhile, he throws a sideways glare at
the bag he just barely managed to save.
DAVID: But
_how_... that warp was destroyed when I shot it... he must have
escaped right before it imploded. (Stops pacing) That still doesn't
explain who was controlling the ship. Philip wasn't a Rebel, his
brother saw to that! (Thinks) Unless... (seething) ohhh, curse the
day I set foot on that planet... Now I'll have to knock him out of
the picture, lest all my careful planning be ruined.
He storms
towards the bag and empties it of its contents. A few jars, sealed
tightly, but appearing empty, fall onto the floor. He picks up one
gingerly, labeled only with the number 5.
DAVID: Antigen
5. One of the most potent diseases on that ship. (Smiles evilly) And
there's nothing left to cure it.
He begins to
laugh sardonically (loudly, too), when there's a knock at the door.
DAVID: (barking)
What?!
VOICE: (OS,
almost identical to OFF's Generic Teen) Uh, Mr. Castle? Toilet three
is backed up again.
DAVID:
(shudders) Coming.
SCENE 26
INT- ROBOT ARMS
APARTMENT-- FRY'S ROOM-- THAT EVENING
Our favorite
delivery boy is curled up in what's left of his bed: merely a
mattress and a rather thin blanket. Even though most of the boxes are
gone (implying that Fry's probably moved his stuff into the new
apartment), there's still a large pile of (mostly metallic) junk in
one corner. Tequila wanders through the doorframe, dragging behind
her one of Bender's arms. She shoves it into the pile, gurgles
something in her language, and clamors on top of it, beaming.
Bender storms in
a few moments later, retrieves his arm (causing the pile to collapse)
and storms back out.
BENDER:
(bitching) Stupid monkey with her stupid metal fetish...
Tequila pouts
for a second, but turns to her cluttered corner and begins to stack
the junk up again. She doesn't notice the mysteriously wide-open
window until she almost falls out of it in an attempt to retrieve a
rolling bolt. She glances out of the window curiously, and notices a
strange figure, conveniently cloaked by the shadows of the night. The
stranger hoovers higher, until he's at eye level with Tequila. His
mouth drops.
DAVID: (weak)
Bloody hell...
TEQUILA:
["Translated English"] What?
DAVID:
(scowling; softly) You're supposed to be _dead_!
He makes a swipe
for her, but she dodges him and cowers by Fry, stammering "ching-soh"
rapidly (A/N: "Ching-soh" means "run"). David
growls and sends himself a few feet below, so that the stirring Fry
won't see him. When Fry fails to rise, he cautiously places the glass
jar from earlier on the floor. He grasps the bolt that Tequila was
chasing after, and jams it into the side of the jar (SFX: GLASS
BREAKING), causing a few chunks of glass to fall out of the side.
David disappears, and the window mysteriously closes.
Tequila
carefully crawls towards the seemingly vacant jar and takes a whiff.
She snorts and hurries towards Fry, rambling in her alien language.
FRY: (finally
awaking) Wha... Tequila, geroff!
But she won't
relent and clings to Fry's arm, tugging at it as though to drag him
from the room. He sighs, untangles her from himself, and gently sets
her on the end of the bed.
FRY: (irritable)
Go. To. Sleep.
He rolls over on
his side and drifts off immediately, leaving the Ettin to watch him,
fretting.
CUT TO- ROBOT
ARMS APARTMENT-- FRY'S ROOM-- THE NEXT MORNING
CLOSE UP of the
door: Bender pokes his head through cheerfully, his novelty chef hat
perched on his head.
BENDER: Wake the
hell up already! Your pup waffles have been sitting cold for half an
hour!
He waves a plate
of waffles around, which would appear normal if they lacked the
several dog tails scattered in them. One of the waffles whimpers.
BENDER: (to the
waffle) Shut up! (Glances towards the bed) Fry?
The robot
cautiously approaches the bed, where Fry is concealed by the covers.
ZOOM INTO Bender's face as he slowly reaches out and whisks the
blankets off. Bender blanches.
FRY: (OS) *Moan*
BENDER: You
okay, man?
FRY: (raspy;
weak; OS) I think I'm sick...
BENDER:
(oblivious to Fry's pain) You wanna go to ER or something?
FRY: (OS)
Yeah...
PAUSE
BENDER: *Ahem*
Fry sighs from
Off-S and reaches On-S to give Bender a couple twenties. His skin is
noticeably paler than usual.
SCENE 27
INT- TACO
BELLEVUE HOSPITAL- X-RAY ROOM-- THAT AFTERNOON
There's a group
of doctors surrounding a board with several Ultrasounds and X-Rays
posted (and illuminated) on it. One of them is holding a stack of
statistics.
DOC 1: Honestly,
this is a hell of a bacterial infection.
DOC 2: (staring
at the board) I just don't understand how all of his organs could
begin deteriorating so rapidly.
DOC 3: Well, we
can conclude that this isn't any "local" disease, par say.
We'd better call some experts on this one. It might be a new strain
of something.
DOC 2: And you
said it was all over the room?
DOC 1: When I
sent the quarantine team over, they said the whole damn _floor_ was
infected. Thank God it was only a robotic establishment.
DOC 3: His
roommate's in quarantine, I assume.
DOC 1: Of
course. He put up a hell of a fight, though.
The first doctor
holds out his arm to show an array of cigar burns. A middle-aged
nurse wanders into the room, looking disgruntled.
NURSE:
What's-her-eye is demanding that she see the patient.
DOC 1: *sigh*
I'll take care of it. (To the doctors) Contact the nearest biologists
and get them here, pronto! Whatever this strain is, it's taking him
down fast.
CUT TO- HOSPITAL
WAITING ROOM
Leela, Amy and
the Professor are waiting eagerly for any news on Fry. Leela's pacing
the room, obviously frazzled. Amy, cradling Aaron in her arms,
watches Leela attentively. The 1st doctor and nurse appear
through a side door, and Leela begins to drown them with a load of
questions.
LEELA: What's
taking so long? He'll be alright, right? This isn't anything serious
or...
DOC 1: Miss
Sheecera, please calm down. We're doing all we can for your fiancee.
(Hesitates)
LEELA:
(pressing) But?
DOC 1: It
appears that he's got a bout of a... well, frankly, I don't know what
the hell it is. The mysterious bacteria found in his room has slowly
begun to break down several of his vital organs.
FARNSWORTH: Bah.
You don't need original organs! Just clone him some new ones and give
the remains to me. I'll make good use of them.
The professor
smiles to himself, as Amy slowly edges away.
DOC 1:
Unfortunately, we may not have the time.
AMY: (to the
doctor) You _can_ help him, though... right?
DOC 1: I'm
afraid that until I can pinpoint the disease itself, finding a cure
is near-impossible.
PAUSE as the
three allow this information to absorb. Leela looks even more
despairing.
LEELA: Can...
can I at least see him?
DOC 1: Not now.
We can't risk you catching the disease as well.
Leela sinks down
into a chair and glances around the room helplessly. A few moments
pass, and she bursts into tears.
CUT TO-
BIOLOGICA XI LABS- EXAMINATION ROOM- THE NEXT MORNING
Chad is hunched
over a laptop in the (currently) dimly lit room, shifting through his
E-Mail. Rosa is in the background, checking the various cages
situated throughout the lab.
ROSA: GodDAMN
it... Chad, we lost #14 last night.
CHAD: (ignoring
her) I think you should take a look at this, Rose.
A few sheets of
paper emerge from a convenient printer in the back of his laptop, and
he hands them to Rosa. She skims the first few lines and scowls.
ROSA:
Deteriorates organs? In one day?
CHAD: Yeah, the
guy's system was shutting down on him by 10:00 last night; they have
him on life support now.
ROSA:
Interesting... I've never seen a bacteria work that fast on a
humanoid since...
She trails off,
and for a moment, her eyes go wide. But that moment passes and she
shakes off the feeling immediately.
ROSA: (CONT) No.
There's no way that disease could have existed without a host for
almost an entire millennium.
CHAD: This is
something from your time?
ROSA: (hesitant)
Kind of. (Quickly) Maybe I should go down there, just to check it
out.
CHAD: (firmly)
No.
ROSA: Chad...
CHAD: You read
the newsletter, it's lethal. I'm not losing you and the baby over
some warped disease from the planet of peril.
ROSA: What if I
don't touch anything?
CHAD: No! (Rosa
pouts)
LAPTOP:
(electronic voice) Chad and Rosa. You've got more damn mail.
Steaming, Rosa
snatches away Chad's laptop with little remorse, and giver her full
attention to the newly received letter (ignoring Chad's hurt glance
in the process).
JITAN: (VO)
Rosa...
CUT TO- PLANET
EXPRESS- LOUNGE- A FEW MINUTES EARLIER
Jitan is also
leaning over a laptop, but he's typing furiously.
JITAN: (VO) I'm
sure most members of your occupation have already received the gritty
details on this latest "outbreak", so I'll cut to the
chase. The man infected was Philip (yes, the one I work with). I
think it is of the upmost importance that you come to Earth to
investigate this with me, for I believe this is a disease that both
you and I are _very_ familiar with. Please, put the past aside and
help me prove my theory correct. The man's life is on the line, Rosa.
I know you won't let me down.
He presses enter
and sags into the couch.
JITAN: (SOTTO)
But how could they have gotten it?
ZOOM OUT into
the foreground, to show Nibbler watching Jitan from across the room.
He glowers at the janitor.
NIBBLER: (VO
["Translated English"]) He _knows_ something...
SCENE 28
INT- TACO
BELLEVUE HOSPITAL- RANDOM CORRIDOR-- LATER
Rosa's standing
in the corridor, tapping her foot impatiently. Jitan enters from one
of the doors, carrying a large paper bag, and smiles when he sees
her.
JITAN: My, that
was quick.
ROSA:
(impatient) Cut the crap, Jitan. I can't stay long. I told my husband
I was restocking the antibody shelves. (Glances at the bag) What's
that? Lunch?
JITAN:
(nonchalant) No, it's a HoverDoc.
ROSA: A Ho...
Jesus Christ, you can't bring that thing in here!!
JITAN: (removing
the HoverDoc) Why not? It's not as though it's dangerous.
Dangerous or
not, the HoverDoc doesn't appear to be any normal medical scanner (or
doctor, for that matter). It looks like a mini, golden futuristic
space ship, except it has a tapered tail between it's two booster
rockets. Every once in awhile, the tail gives a friendly wag.
ROSA: *groan*
What else did you "savage"?
JITAN: Oh hush.
What I keep in my quarters is none of your concern. (PAUSE; almost
teasing) You know, those Crobsters taste even better with a little
mustard on them.
Rosa just buries
her head in her hands.
CUT TO-
ISOLATION WARD
Instead of beds,
the room is packed with five hoovering plastic boxes (isolation
chambers). All but one is full, and Fry is occupying the one furthest
from the door. Besides harboring a pale-green tinge in his skin, the
various IV tubes scattered throughout his figure, the heart monitor
beating ominously, and the respirator running at full force, he
looks... decent. Apparently, the doctor has finally given in to
various pleas, because Leela is slumped in a plastic chair close by
the bed, giving an empty stare towards Fry. Her anguish seems beyond
tears at this point, even as she fingers the plastic mournfully.
LEELA: (SOTTO,
softly) I can't even touch him. (PAUSE) Please wake up.
ROSA: (from the
doorway) He'll wake up, eventually. I just have to run a test or two.
LEELA: (sharply)
What are _you_ doing here?
ROSA: Don't you
know? His case is all over the news. I came over to investigate.
LEELA: (angry)
You and about a hundred other scientists over the twelve hours. They
all say the same thing: (bitterly sarcastic) "How intriguing";
"Fascinating"; "Oh, but there's nothing we can do";
"He'll be dead by tomorrow".
JITAN:
(entering) _I_ asked her to come, Leela. We... well, _she_ believes
this is not anything new.
ROSA: If I don't
touch him, will you let me at least try to help?
Leela scowls at
her, but nods slowly. Rosa shoots a wary glance at Jitan, before
wrenching the bag from his hands and removing the HoverDoc. She
strokes it gently, and it shoots out of her hand and appears to
unroll itself, revealing an
insect-like head
resting on a slender neck, and two stick-thin arms. The tail wags
eagerly as it hoovers towards Rosa. Leela just stares at it numbly.
LEELA: What in
God's name is that thing?
ROSA: A
HoverDoc. It'll be able to tell me his current biochemistry without
touching him.
She grasps the
thing and positions it right over the isolation chamber. The HoverDoc
stays still for a moment, as though it's mentally scanning Fry. Rosa
looks at her watch and touches the gadget again. A holographic screen
projects from it's back, featuring the basics on Fry (Name, species,
gender, and a brief description on his condition).
JITAN: (reading
the description) This is a male adult human named Philip. He is
deathly ill, and needs to seek medical attention soon, before he
keels over and expires.
LEELA:
(unimpressed) Duh.
ROSA: Wait...
She "presses"
a holographic symbol on the far end of the description, and a new
window (Toxin Control) is shown. Instead of the description, it lists
several chemicals, including a few Histamines, and, of course...
ROSA: Antigen 5.
(SOTTO) Crap.
LEELA: Do you
know what it is?
ROSA: (shutting
down the HoverDoc) *Sigh* Yeah. I've run into it before. It's a nasty
little ditty that I haven't seen since _way_ back in my time.
LEELA: Can you
help him?
ROSA:
(hesitates) I'll try. But I can't promise anything.
CUT TO- RANDOM
CORRIDOR
As Jitan and
Rosa are exiting...
JITAN: You'll
_try_? Come now, we've handled this before...
ROSA: (sharply)
But that was while we had the cure, you moron! How the hell did he
get Antigen 5, anyway!?
JITAN:
(thoughtfully) Maybe there's an old friend among us.
ROSA: But why
Philip? Unless... unless someone knows...
The two shoot
one another suspicious gazes, but both shake it off with a uniform
"Nah".
ROSA: (sinking
into a nearby chair) I wish there was something we could do. There's
no way he'll survive this without the antibody. But there's only two
places we can get it from, and both were destroyed long ago.
JITAN: Not so.
ROSA: You're not
funny, Jitan.
Jitan casually
glances around the hallway, then bends down so that only Rosa can
hear him.
JITAN: Philip
has an Ettin.
ROSA: That's
_not_ funny...
JITAN: I'm not
joking.
There's a
moment's passing as Rosa absorbs this.
ROSA: HOW THE
F---- DID HE GET IT?!
JITAN: (calmly)
Well, actually, it's not Phil's. It belongs to that robot friend of
his, Bender.
ROSA:
(flustered) I don't understand... they were all killed off centuries
ago.
JITAN: I know.
But even _you_ must have realized by now that not _everything_ was
killed off.
Rosa reflects
this silently.
JITAN: (CONT)
Bender's been put into isolation as well, until the disease dies off
due to a lack of an appropriate host. However, he'll be in there for
quite awhile. Much longer than he needs to be.
ROSA: You
mean... oh God, no.
INT- ROBOTIC
CONTAINMENT CENTER- BENDER'S WARD-- LATER THAT DAY
Bender's stuck
in one of those closet-sized rooms, similar to the ones form Insane
in the Mainframe. He's glaring at Rosa and Jitan through the tiny
glass window in the door.
BENDER:
(muffled) You want me to _what_?
ROSA: We know
you're keeping your pet in your torso compartment. I need to take her
so I can... uh, cure her.
BENDER:
(muffled) She's fine with me, thank you very much.
TEQUILA: (OS;
muffled) *Moan*
JITAN: Bender, I
assure you, no harm will come to her; unless you keep her in there
with you, of course.
BENDER:
(muffled; considering) Well, I'd hate to loose a potential
partner-in-crime... alright, I'll let you take her.
There's a small
slot leading to a tiny compartment next to Bender's door, which he
shoves Tequila into. The compartment seals itself, and Tequila is
doused with a strong disinfectant. Another slot opens adjacent to
Rosa and Jitan, and Tequila is forced from the compartment and into
Rosa's arms. She curls one of the Ettin's dreadlocks gingerly as she
stares at the creature in awe.
ROSA: (quietly)
God, I haven't seen you guys in a _long_ time.
JITAN: I suggest
we get to work?
Rosa nods
numbly, and the two exit.
SCENE 29
INT- TACO
BELLEVUE HOSPITAL- ISOLATION WARD-- THAT NIGHT
Rosa and Leela
watch eagerly as a doctor injects a syringe of a creamy white liquid
into Fry's limp arm.
LEELA: How did
you get this from Bender's monkey?
ROSA: Jitan told
me that despite being carbon-based, Bender's pet hadn't shown any
symptoms like Philip had, so I figured that she had developed an
immunity to the antigen. Sure enough, her body produced enough
Antibody 5 to keep her free from the disease. So I just took some of
the antibody from her to produce a cure for him.
LEELA: And
you're sure this will work?
ROSA:
(confident) He'll be pretty weak for awhile, but he should make a
full recovery.
LEELA: (staring
at Fry) I don't know how we can thank you.
PAUSE
ROSA: (shifting
uneasily) You said you were attacked in the DOOP hanger? (Leela nods,
and Rosa frowns) Leela, what is your ship called.
LEELA: The Cerca
de Casa.
Rosa freezes.
ROSA:
(faltering) Um... *ahem* any reason why you call it that?
LEELA: No, not
really. My da... the former captain told me that's what it was
called.
ROSA: (suddenly
urgent) Did the captain say where he _got_ the ship from?
LEELA: He told
me he... stole it from an alien race called the Cycuses.
ROSA: (paling)
The same Cycuses that invaded Earth not long ago.
LEELA: Yeah...
wait, what does this have to do with Philip?
ROSA: (quickly)
Nothing, nothing. Listen, I have to go now, but I'll be back tomorrow
to check up.
Rosa leaves in a
rush, and almost collides with Jitan in the hall.
JITAN: My, we're
in a hurry tonight.
ROSA: What are
_you_ still doing here?
JITAN: I thought
I'd make sure the antibody took. Did it?
ROSA: Of course
it did, but that's not the important thing... (excited) Jitan, I
think we found the Siõe ship! That must be where they got the
Ettin! That means whoever attacked them on the ship thinks they're
trying to renew something!
PAUSE as the two
realize that something should be done.
JITAN: So, what
do you propose we do?
ROSA: I think...
I think we should tell Philip what he's been wanting to hear.
FIN (for now)
A/N: I acknowledge
that this was a really awful place to leave the plot hanging, and I’m
still sorry that I did this, even years after the fact; but this was
where I began running into the biggest hurdles of the story, and
forcing the words to come only resulted in a huge, jumbled mess of
quotes and directions that I had no desire to force on the readers.
Now is the time for
a long-overdue disclaimer: clearly, I do not own everything in this
story. I’m sure that most of you recognize the Futurama
portions (or I hope you do), but I must give further credit where it
is due. An awesome company called Gameware Development currently
holds ownership over the Creatures series and all things
pertaining to said series (Albia, the Siõe and their ship,
Ettins, Antigen 5, the Blue Streak/Warp, that hooch still, Blueberry,
and countless other items that I’m sure I’m forgetting at
the moment). Thank you, Gameware, for letting me play in your
universe here and elsewhere.
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