Sex, Lies and Aliens
A scene in planet express, morning. Professor Farnsworth is walking through
his kitchen when the phone rings.
Man`s voice: Is this Planet Express?
Professor: Oh, uh, no.
The professor notices the sign on his wall that says Planet Express.
Professor: Oh, wait, I guess it is.
Voice: Oh-kay........ is there anyone else I can talk to?
Hermes walks in the room and takes the phone.
Hermes: Yes, sir. Dis is Planet Express, what will we be delivering for your
Voice: Nothing, I just wanted to ask a question.
Hermes: I`m sorry, we`re busy. I`m going to have to put you on hold.
Voice: But I--
Hermes puts the phone down and makes a sandwich, sometime in the last few seconds
the professor has fallen asleep.
Voice: Hello....... hel-lo....... hello?.......... HELLO!....... is anyone
Hermes finally picks up the phone again.
Hermes: Now what did you want?
Voice: I just wanted to ask if Leela works here.
Leela (Who happened to walk into the room at just the right moment.) sprints
across the room, jumps into the air, grabs the phone out ofHermes`s hand, and
flies through the air in slow motion over the sharp knives and over the sleeping
professor to land perfectly on a chair that wasn`t in the room a moment ago. Fry
looks in the doorway.
Fry: I don`t think I`ll ever know how you do that.
Bender and Fry watch TV on the couch in another room. Through a door to the
right of them we can see Leela walking back and forth talking to the man on the
phone. Fry keeps looking out the door but Bender couldn`t care less.
Leela: Okay.......... Why aren`t you on the video phone?........... you could
of called me and asked for more change.................. You what?!...........
No, no, no!........... Well I guess I can`t stop you......... see you then...........
Leela walks out of the kitchen looking worried and stressed. She gets a little
surprised look when she sees that Fry and Bender heard her whole conversation.
Leela: (sighs) Well, you`re going to find out eventuly, so I might as well
tell you now. My-
Before she can say anything else she is cut off by Hermes.
Hermes: Staff meeting! I need everyone in here now!
Fry, Bender, Leela, Dr. Zoidberg and Amy groan as they walk into the room and
sit around the table.
Hermes: First order of business: We`ve received a package today! Since it`s
only a short drive to Mars, you don`t have to leave until tonight.
They all cheer, and get up from their chairs, and run out of the room.
Hermes: We`re not done yet!
Cut to later in the meeting, everyone is looking bored (If not asleep yet)
Hermes: Now, does anyone have anything else they`d like to say?
Bender clamps his hand over her mouth.
Bender: Nope! Let`s all get drunk!
They all walk out of the room, Leela is the last to leave
Amy: Hey, Leela, want to go to lunch with me?
Leela: What? Uh nothing, why do you say that?
Amy: Um, did you hear anything I said?
Leela: I have to go, see you later.
Leela runs off and the characters look at each other and shrug. A little later
in the day, we find Fry, Amy, Dr. Zoidberg, and Bender sitting around the table
talking. Leela walks in wearing a dress, shoes with floating heels (The futuristic
version of high heels), and a different color lipstick. Fry opens his mouth wide
and looks shocked when he sees her.
Bender (Drunk): Who are you?
Leela: Okay, guys, my new boyfriend is coming here today. I did my best to
stop him, but he insisted on meeting the people I work with.
Fry and Bender look at each other and smile mischievously.
Leela: This is important! Please don`t mess this up for me!
The same man`s voice: Leela?
Voice: Can I come in?
Leela: Come in? (Gulp) Uh, I mean sure!
Somebody walks into the room, but the camera`s position prevents us from seeing
him. Everyone except Leela gasps.
END OF PART 1
A man walks in and puts his arm around Leela.
Man: Hi, I`m Mike, Leela`s boyfriend.
He has three eyes and blue hair. Fry is trying his best not to laugh. Leela
walks over and kicks him under the table.
Leela: Just ignore him, he...ow!
Fry kicks her back, they exchange looks.
Mike: I don`t believe we`ve met.
Mike and Fry shake hands.
Leela: This is Fry, a friend and co-worker.
Before Fry can say anything she grabs him and leads him towards the ship.
Leela: Come on, we have work to do!
Mike: Hey, baby, where you going?
Leela: Mars, bye!
Mike: Well, can I come?
Fry has already gone into the ship and Mike and Leela are at the doorway.
Leela: Well, I don`t think so. You, see we`re professionals working with very
Fry (from inside ship): Hey, Leela! What does this do?
There is a loud crash.
In the background Amy is dragging Bender into the ship.
Leela: Look at that!
Leela frantically turns and runs inside the ship.
Cut to the ship blasting off. Fry, Bender, Leela and Mike are inside. Suddenly
there is the sound of the ship breaking down.
Leela: We have to stop leaving Bender in charge of filling the tank. There
might be some damage on the ship, I`ll have to go out and take a look.
Leela scans the room and Bender burps fire. Much to Leela`s dismay, Fry is
the only one eligible to go out and help her.
Leela: Fry, put your space suit on.
Fry: Whooo-hoo! Yeah! Alright!!!
Mike: You`re not from around here, are you?
Leela and Fry go through a door and out of the control room, leaving Mike and
Bender alone. Bender takes a deck of cards out of his chest.
Bender: Blackjack? Poker?
Cut to outside the ship. Finished with their work, Fry and Leela head inside
the ship and take off their helmets. Bender and Mike are sitting around a card
table. Mike is naked under the table (apparently Bender has won all his clothes)
and there is an ace sticking out of Bender`s chest compartment. Leela smiles and
starts up the ship. Cut to the outside of the ship as they near the planet Mars
and park on it. Cut back to the inside of the ship, Fry and Bender go to pick
up the package. When they`re gone, Mike and Leela kiss.
Mike: Do you mind if I make a phone call?
Leela: Go ahead, I`ll be in my quarters.
Leela leaves and Mike walks over to the phone. Fry is about to walk into the
room with the package, but when he sees Mike on the phone he hides behind the
corner to spy on him.
Mike: Don`t worry, baby, I`ll dump the one-eyed loser today and see you tonight.
END OF PART 2
The crew has finished their delivery and are back at Planet Express. Fry, Leela,
and Mike are leaving the ship. Leela and Mike are holding hands. Bender comes
out after them wearing a chef`s hat.
Bender: Dosn`t anyone even want to try my Saturnian purple snake salad with
nuts and bolts?
Leela: See you later, Mike.
Mike waves goodbye and blows her a kiss. Leela walks over to Fry smiling.
Leela: Isn`t he just great!
Fry: Uh, yeah. You know, maybe things aren`t as they seem.
Leela: Oh, you`re just jealous because Mike`s just a wonderful guy.
Fry: "Wonderful guy" aren`t exactly the words I would use.
Leela: Well, Mike wanted me to meet him for dinner, so I better get going soon.
Fry watches her leave.
Fry: Come on Bender, we`ve got work to do!
Cut to the restaurant where Leela and Mike are having dinner. It`s called "The
golden Circuit". Fry and Bender look in the window and see them, go around
the back way, and into a door. Unfortunately they don`t end up in the resturaunt.
They end up in a TV studio where they are taping a "Gax" commercial.
There are models screaming, bumping into walls and throwing heads-in-jars around.
Fry: Uh, sorry!
Bender: So that`s how they do it.
They run out into the ally again and into the right door. They look in and
can see the entire resturaunt room, the camera closes in on Mike and Leela. They
are talking pleasantly in the background. Fry walks into the room and slips behind
a plant. However, instead of disappearing completely, you can still see him quite
Fry: Hmmmm. This always works in cartoons!
Close up on Leela and Mike at their table again.
Leela: You know, I`ve always thought that way too....
In the background a waiter starts to walk towards them. Bender grabs him and
Fry takes his jacket and shoves him in a closet.
Mike: I can`t wait to try their Eel soup. I heard they ship them in from the
Leela: Mmm-hmm. I...
Fry walks up to them dressed as the waiter and wearing a fake mustache. Mike
is clueless, but Leela knows it`s him right away.
Fry/waiter: Would you guys like to see the menu? It`s...
Leela gets up.
Leela: Would you excuse me for a minute?
Mike: Sure, go right ahead.
Leela walks away and Fry starts to follow her. As soon as Mike`s not looking,
she grabs him by his shirt collar tightly and drags him away. When they are around
the corner and out of sight Leela looks Fry in the eye. (No pun intended.)
Leela: Could you give me a break? Why are you doing this? What do you want?
Fry (choked): Let....me....breath!
Leela: Oh, sorry!
Leela drops him and Fry gasps for air. Bender comes in around the corner.
Fry: You don`t understand, I`m doing you a favor!
Leela: By what? Embarrassing me and wrecking my love life?
Fry: No! The opposite! Leela, you gotta listen to me, Mike is cheating on you!
Leela: No, he would never! You`re just-
Bender: See for yourself, skin tube.
Mike is sitting at their table typing a love e-mail to someone other than Leela.
Leela looks heartbroken, Fry puts his hand on her shoulder. But then Leela`s expression
changes, she storms over to Mike, who closes his wrist computer. Waiter2 walks
over to them at just that moment.
Mike: Hey baby, you`re back! Oh, look the eels are here.
Without saying anything, Leela dumps the eel soup over Mike`s head. Mike stands
up looking shocked.
Waiter2: I`m going to have to ask you to leave! I`ll get your coats.
Waiter2 opens up the closet door to find the waiter1 tied to a chair. While
trying to sneak out, Fry clumsily knocks over a tray with a wedding cake which
flies through the air and covers Mike and waiter2.
Voice: Food fight!!
With that the resturaunt erupts is a mess of eels and wedding cake. Bender
is seen in the background surrounded by many empty bottles of wine ect. Through
it all, Fry and Leela walk out with their hands over each other`s shoulders, smiling.