Fan Fiction

Honey, I Shrunk the Lobster
By Newhook_1

Opening Caption: "Ebert and Roper's heads give it two tongues up!

Fry and Bender are on the couch watching T.V.; Leela and Amy are sitting at the table playing that horrible futuristic 3-D scrabble. Farnsworth enters the room pushing a hover cart with a crate on it.

Farnsworth: Good news everyone! Today you'll be making a delivery to Keenevil 7, The dare-devil planet.

Leela walks over

Leela: What are we delivering?

Professor: It's a shrinking ray, the Keenevil 7 government wants it to shrink the giant bears that live there.

Fry (eyeing crate): So how does it work?

Farnsworth: It's quite simple. When the shrink ray shrinks something it, compresses it's molecules so they are closer and more compacted together, much like a trash compacter. However, this creates a huge amount of excess energy and electrical discharge, so I've hooked the output up to a storage battery which can be used to make cheap energy for the people of Keenevil 7. Alternatively, the excess energy can make this (holds up miniature parasol) miniature parasol open and close.

Bender: Why would you make it do that?

Farnsworth: The same reason every scientist does everything, to be featured in a geeky technology centered magazine.

Farnsworth holds up a magazine called "3000", with a picture of him grinning and holding up the parasol on the cover. The cover also includes a caption which says, "Move over miniature ice scraper!"

Fry: So about this planet, why don't they just kill the bears?

Professor: Because, you stupid fool! The bears are used to make the leather in their stunt jackets; they just want to be able to make them in children's sizes.

Leela: So even the children there do stunts?

Professor: Oh my yes, people get injured there all the time. Why the hospitals are never empty.

Bender (looks over): What!?! Injured flesh wads!?

Bender jumps up

Bender: Come on people, this delivery won't make its self!

Bender lifts up the crate and heads toward the ship. Zoidberg enters the room.

Zoidberg: A planet full of other medical doctor types such as myself? Can I come maybe?

Leela: Well OK, just don't let me catch you near the shrink ray or I'll start locking my dumpster again.

Fry, Leela and Zoidberg head for ship

Cut to Bender laying down crate and heading off to he and Fry's room. Fry, Leela and Zoidberg enter the ship. Fry puts a lunch can down next to the shrink ray and Zoidberg notices it out of the corner of his eye. Leela starts the ship and takes off while Fry heads to he and Bender's room, where Bender is in the top bunk.

Fry: Hey that's my bunk!

Bender: What difference does it make Meat-bag?!?

Fry shrugs, and lies down on the bunk under Bender. A creak is heard, the top bunk collapses, and Bender falls on the floor.

---------Later On---------

Shot of Leela in her bed (in a revealing night gown for you Leela fans). In the Bender-Fry room Bender is on the bottom bunk, and Fry is on the floor.We see a shot of the crate containing the shrink ray with Fry's lunch box next to it. Zoidberg's shadow looms over the lunch box. He walks on screen an picks up the lunch box.

Zoidberg: Happy Birthday Dr. Zoidberg!

He opens the box and leans up against the crate tipping it over, and activating the ray.

Zoidberg: (unspellable Zoidberg Yell)

The zaps Zoidberg and shrinks him

Zoidberg: Oh no! What have I done?!? Professor will slap me!

Zoidberg looks at how big the food is compared to him

Zoidberg (throwing up arms/claws): Hooray!

---------Insert standard Futurama change of scene music here---------

Leela, Bender and Fry walk into cargo hold

Leela: Well we're ready to head out, but where's Zoidberg, and why is the crate tipped over?

Bender takes a puff of a cigar

Bender: Eh, he's probably in a better place

Cut to Zoidberg stuck on a glue mouse trap

Zoidberg: ohhhh, what would Zombie Jesus do?

Cut back to Leela, Bender and Fry

Bender: Who cares any way? Let's just deliver the ray so we can see some motorcycle crashes!

They load the crate onto a hover cart, and push it down the ramp. A world full of rocks shaped like ramps, gigantic canyons, and trees with prickers in them unfolds before them. A motorcycle with a guy who is dressed like Super Dave Osborne, and looks just like a human except he is green and has devil horns crashes in front of them from the sky.

Fry and Bender (high fiving each other): Yes!

Leela stoops down to talk to the fellow

Leela: Can you tell us where the government office is?

He raises an arm that looks to be broken is several places and points to the east.

The Crew heads in that direction until they come to a gigantic parliament house with Dare-devils Bun-gee Jumping off each side of the roof. The walk up to the man guarding the front door who is on fire and just standing there.

Leela: Uh, delivery for your governor

Guard (opening door): Right this way my friends.

They walk through a hallway with pictures of Dare-devils performing various stunts on the walls.

Leela: So, why do your people do all these things?

Guard: Well, it's because our blood is made up of 40% of what you earthlings call adrenaline, so we really can't help ourselves.

Fry: So, why aren't you guys ever in the Olympics?

Guard: Last time we entered the death toll was catastrophic, so we where banned. A high jumper tried to do the jump on his motorcycle and landed in the audience.

Fry: Oh.

They enter the throne room through an enormous arch-way. Leela pushes the hover cart up the the governor, who opens the crate with a crowbar. After the the crate is opened Leela notices something.

Leela (Pointing at shrink ray): Hey the power gauge says that the battery is full.

Bender (raising finger): Uh yeah, I had to sneak a few... (shifts eyes) .. things too big to fit into my body cavity onto the planet.

Leela: Well I guess that explains it. I was just worried that it might have something to do with Zoidberg's absence, but I guess I was wrong.

Cut to Zoidberg who has now escaped the mousetrap and is in the kitchen.

Zoidberg: Perhaps if I heat myself, I will expand.

Zoidberg climbs up onto the stove and turns it on, his lab coat catches on fire and he runs around in circles making those "Whoop whoop" noises.

---------Insert standard Futurama change of scene music here---------

The crew is walking back onto the ship

Fry: Wow I've never seen a governor catch a bullet in his teeth before!

Leela: Well I guess we're ready to take off. Has anyone seen Zoidberg?

Bender pushes the button to close the door.

Leela: Hey! What if Zoidberg isn't on the ship?

Bender: He would have wanted it this way.

They all head to the control room where Leela starts the ship and takes off.

---------Insert standard Futurama change of scene music here---------

Zoidberg is still nowhere to be found, and the others have explained the situation to Professor Farnsworth, he has just finished listening to the situation.

Farnsworth: Tch Tch Tch. Luckily I have already made and invention perfect for this situation.

Farnsworth opens a desk drawer and takes out "The Zoid-Seeker". Farnsworth walks onto the ship and the device begins beeping he hones in on Zoidberg who they find Jumping up and down in front of the toilet.

Zoidberg: Little help?

Farnsworth: My god! He must have used the shrink ray on himself.

Bender: (Laughs Evilly)

Leela: So how do we fix him?

Farnsworth: Well I can try to reverse the properties of the shrink ray but that could take months

Zoidberg: What do I do until then.

Bender: I know

Bender picks up Zoidberg, and and drops him in a goldfish bowl which he takes out of his chest cavity.

Bender (narrows eyes while looking at Zoidberg): He he he he, we'll have so much fun!

Leela: Couldn't we just clone a regular sized Zoidberg, with the same memories from this one's DNA?

Farnsworth: That just might work.

Fry (Pointing at the shrunken Zoidberg): But what will we do with this one?

Farnsworth (Angry): What do I look like? The sanitation commission? Do what ever the Hell you want with him, flush him down the toilet for all I care!

---------Insert standard Futurama change of scene music here---------

The entire PE is in Farnsworth's lab with a nervous looking Zoidberg on a table next to the cloning machine. Farnsworth is about to stick in the needle when Zoidberg's shell cracks open and a slightly larger Zoidberg climbs out.

Zoidberg: I'm molting! Oh, that takes me back

Farnsworth: Amazing it seems that with his smaller size Zoidberg's DNA has kicked in and he's growing larger. Now I won't have to defile my cloning vat with a filthy invertebrate.

Cut to Hermes, who was standing off to the side wearing a bib with a picture of a lobster on it, and was holding a pair of shell crackers. He hangs his head and looks disappointed.

---------Several weeks later---------

Everyone except Zoidberg is watching TV. Zoidberg walks into the room.

Zoidberg: Look everyone I'm back to my normal size

Bender Throws a beer bottle and just misses Zoidberg's head

Bender: Shaddup!

Zoidberg (a tear of happiness runs down his face): Ah, just like old times.

The credits are followed by a picture montage of Zoidberg when he is "growing up".

Picture #1 Hermes has chef hat and apron on, and is holding Zoidberg over a boiling pot of water.

Picture #2 Scruffy is carrying out the trash and Zoidberg's head is looking out from the top of the bucket.

Picture #3 Zoidberg is sitting at a table made for children drinking tea with five shells that he has molted from duct taped to together and put in the other chairs.